Wednesday, December 17, 2003

Mormon.org - Request a visit. Just in case they aren't already bothering you at your home, you can request that they come. Could be a great Christmas gift for your friends. I always say "Hey, I saw you guys in Orgasmo".


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Madeleine Albright: Just kidding about that bin Laden thing. Friends of Albright pointed out that if she was kidding it would be the first time in her life that she had attempted that whole crazy "humor" concept.


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Chrysler Withdraws From Lingerie Bowl.


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Blockbuster COO calls for abolition of DVD region codes.


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This is supposed to be an uncensored version of the Jewel foto-booth flash (which was originally blurred/pixilated). Authenticity is highly questionable.


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Since Heidi Klum is in the news, here are a bazillion pictures of the mom-to-be.


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Joey Buttafuoco Arrested in Auto Insurance Fraud Case.


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Senator says he was duped by the White House. All I can say is this, Senator: if you were outsmarted by George Bush, you may have chosen the wrong career. And the wrong species.


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George In The Box Jack in the box plays Hail to the Chief until Bush pops out.


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Pictures of rock stars as children.


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Christina Ricci shows her bubbies on DVD in a European release of Prozac Nation.


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President George W. Bush has ordered the Department of the Interior to ship thousands of surplus fire hydrants to Canada for the use of sled dogs that desperately need a place to pee.


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Computer Programmer Makes 'WMD' Treasure Hunt Game: "As computer programmer Shane Messer watched U.S. forces look for weapons of mass destruction in Iraq, the search struck him as a perverse sort of treasure hunt, so he programmed a game based on all the existing evidence.


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Albright thinks Bush hiding bin Laden: Former Secretary of State Madeleine Albright told Fox News Channel analyst Morton Kondracke yesterday she suspects President Bush knows the whereabouts of Osama bin Laden and is simply waiting for the most politically expedient moment to announce his capture. In fact, bin Laden makes an excellent, inexpensive chaperone for the Bush girls, and Bush may just decide to get him a green card.


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Conservative columnist William Safire takes Dick Cheney to the woodshed for his double top secret energy task force. Most obvious lie of the day: "A senior administration official assures me that no potential embarrassment is at the root of this unnecessary fight to the finish, and that it's just the principle of the thing." Yup, these principles: (1)the public has no right to know what its government is doing, and (2) the government has the right to work in complete secrecy when no national security matters are involved. Those are important government principles - in North Korea.


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Saddam to be held in wooden cage. Saddam's lawyers are busy hiring Siegfried and Roy. During the trial, there is a puff of smoke, Saddam disappears, and a white tiger is in the cage! Now that's real Vegas-style mad tyrant entertainment.


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Persian Broadcasting reports that the US may have a Saddam body double in custody. We captured Rich Little? Sure. He's a body double who (1) fathered Saddam's sons, according to DNA tests, and (2) was carrying $750,000 in ten dollar bills. It's good to be king, but it's better to be a body double! I want the job as body double for Brad Pitt. Just send the $750,000 to my house, and call me when you need someone to father Aniston's kids.


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MAXIM ONLINE :: Michelle Branch


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Quote of the day: The doughnut ethics complaint filed against a Boca Raton councilman has crumbled. “It was full of holes,” the city leader commented wryly.


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Woman burns her apartment to get a ghost out of her bathtub. Hey, a ghost has to stay April Fresh! After all, BOO stands for "body odor optimal". Presumably it was a baby ghost, and she was just throwing out the bathwater with the baby. John Kerry's comment: "silly cunt".


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The life of Brian of Philadelphia. Do you remember in Life of Brian, where the crowd stoned the official for saying the word Yahweh, when he was simply announcing the crime committed by the accused? That really happened in Philadelphia. A principal was reprimanded for telling the students not to use the n-word. The problem - she had to tell them which words they were not supposed to use, and parents said "she used the n-word, nanny, nanny boo boo!"


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Julia Roberts Disputes 'Chick Flick' Label. The real chicks are watching Kill Bill 2. Even without seeing Mona Lisa Smile, some people have already poked fun at it, dubbing it the "Dead Housewives' Society" I haven't seen Mona Lisa smile, either, but I think it may be the only time I ever fell asleep during the trailer.


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Oslo's International Airport may close due to illness


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Saddam being tortured. "Watching Trista marry Ryan once is punishment, but watching it six, seven times in a row may in fact constitute torture." Pretty funny idea, but already used by Woody Allen, who had Latin American torture squads coerce prisoners with repeated listenings of Naughty Marietta.


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Bengals Playoff Tickets Go On Sale. I never thought I'd type those words in my lifetime. Aren't they getting a little cocky?


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Tampon Angel Ornaments for your xmas tree.


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The Mouseketeer Guide to Semiconductor Physics. Funny concept.


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Wacky uses for everyday products. And you thought My Big Fat Greek Wedding was just kidding with the Windex thing.


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America's new top model. This is essentially American Idol for models.


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In the words of the guy who submitted this link, ya gotta love the Reef Girls


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Steppin' Out Magazine interviews Vanessa Marcil


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Man In Santa Suit Robs Pa. Bank So that's how Santa funds the toy workshop. I figured he just used Asian child labor.


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Mel Gibson's 'The Passion' gets a thumbs-up from the pope. Also, John Kerry said it was "some sweet shit".


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MAXIM ONLINE :: Ashley Hartman She's Holly, the hot party girl on Fox's The O.C.


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Government Files Consumer Complaint Against Marketers of 'Girls Gone Wild' Videos. This has nothing to do with censorship or invasion of privacy. It's just a consumer fraud action.


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I-Mockery.com reviews one of the great movies: Jack Frost. The Mutant Killer Snowman gave Shannon Elizabeth a thorough schtupping. (She was then called Shannon Fabal, pre-Pie)


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Hold the presses! Saddam came out of hiding to endorse Howard Dean.


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Iraqi foreign minister tells UN to stop whining, take off their coats, roll up their sleeves, and grab a hammer to help rebuilding.


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