Monday, January 12, 2004

Lots of Elisha Cuthbert Glam Pictures


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R-rated clip from The Girl Next Door with Elisha Cuthbert. No nudity, but plenty of nasty talk and thought.


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MILLER HIGH LIFE COMMERCIALS MAY BECOME TV SHOW


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Former President Bill Clinton has been tapped as the next possible Lord Warden of the Cinque Ports, Britain's oldest military honor. Who is more deserving of an honor associated with war heroics? Ol' Bawdy Murphy. Ol' Sergeant Pork himself.


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Quick, which President said this? "No President has ever done more for human rights than I have". James Madison? Lincoln? Roosevelt? Jefferson? You're gonna need a lot more guesses.


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She's so ugly ... Remember classification systems? Can you tell us what a "two-bagger" is? Here are some women who have put a bag over their heads so you can fuck 'em.


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Bush administration is expected to order as soon as next month the first step in setting up databases on all air passengers, to be used to color-code each air traveler according to his or her potential threat level. Steve Buscemi has already protested being Pink.


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ALERT: Trojan Horse Poses As Windows XP Update


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"Space aliens aren't visiting Earth to conquer our planet, nor are they here to pass on to mankind some society-altering universal wisdom. They're simply stopping by to pick up Krispy Kreme donuts!"


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Iraqi info guy back on TV. Rumor has it he will play Fred Sanford in the Arabic-labguage version of the popular sitcom.


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Woman wants Chink's Steaks, Philly landmark, renamed. Also wants Billy Bob's Honky-Tonk renamed to Billy Bob's White Person Tonk.


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Dell and H-P lend support to Blu-DVD that can hold up to 4 hours of high definition TV.


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Tara Reid's layout inthe new STUFF MAGAZINE.


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Thank God! New Jersey finally has a state fruit. Nathan Lane moved across the river?


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Saddam with a winning lottery ticket! The same WWN issue also informs us that aliens are here on earth solely to get Krispy Kremes.


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Prince Charles send Ozzy a bottle of scotch as a get well gift. He also sent Courtney Love a half-kilo of heroin, and sent along some complimentary hookers to Charlie Sheen. "I am aware that Mr Sheen isn't sick" said the Prince, "but who doesn't appreciate some good, free 'tang"?


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Centuries ago, Samuel Johnson pointed out that patriotism is the last resort of scoundrels. The White House takes off the gloves against O'Neill - charges treason. They must be pretty damned worried, because they're already on the last resort. "Oh, sure, everything he said is true, but he's a traitor for exposing classified information - so it doesn't count."


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Here is the trailer for A Cinderella Story. Syrupy teen romance starring Hillary Duff and Stifler's mom.


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Here's the HQ trailer for Welcome To Mooseport. Small town guy competes for a job and a woman against the ex-President of the USA (Gene Hackman).


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Orang-utans 'may die out by 2025'. That precise estimate has to be the silliest claim ever - since they have a forty year life span, and many of the ones alive now will still be alive in 21 years, even if they fail to reproduce. Still, the danger to the species is real, and this is Asia's only ape, so read the story.


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MovieJuice Diary: Ten Favorite Movies of 2003. For the record, I agree with his high placement of the overlooked Big Fish, and I second his belief that it will still be watched years after the Oscar nominees are forgotten. (Excepting Return of the King, of course)


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Iowans Deluged in Run-Up to Primary. Although this is from Fox news, it is quite an interesting article.


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ACLU Backs Rush Limbaugh's Privacy Rush Limbaugh and the American Civil Liberties Union don't agree about much, but they're in accord that the conservative radio commentator's medical records should be off-limits to prosecutors.


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Phoenix critics crown 'King,' also honor Ben Kingsley, Naomi Watts


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Screenplay Review: The Weather Man (Nic Cage, Michael Caine)


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FilmJerk.com - The Early Report for January 12, 2004


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A few skateboarding tips you may want to ignore!


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Whatever you do - do NOT tell Al Eingang to go fuck himself


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The "Gay Boyfriend" song. Strange and bizarrely off-key, but funny anyway.


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A Guide to Flaming. No it's not instructions on beginning your career as a female impersonator. It's your guide to internet arguments.


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Note to People's Choice Awards organizers: Ask Jim Carrey if he wants a hosting gig next year. I'm surprised that he hasn't been asked to host award shows. He is the best nominee/winner EVER. I'd like to see him win an Oscar just to see his acceptance speech.


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The trailer for Torque is now online. (Stunt-driven cycle action movie with Ice Cube.)


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Seven films nominated for the "best achievement in make-up" Oscar


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Stoner Woman Tries To Use "Get Out Of Jail Free" Card


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Wacky labels earn awards A warning label on a 5-inch fishing lure that sports three steel hooks advises that the lure is "Harmful if swallowed". PETA is currrently teaching fish to read.


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It's nhot too early to think about a Valentine's Day gift - like The Humanure Handbook


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Clemens shuns retirement, signs one-year deal with Astros.


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Survivor Fever - Survivor All Stars "All of the elements for big success are there" says media analyst Bill Carroll of the Katz television group. "It's like being able to have Babe Ruth, Joe DiMaggio, Mickey Mantle and Derek Jeter all play together." CBS executives are so high on the show that they'll premiere it February 1st in the prime spot after the Super Bowl.


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Oops - 'The Lord of the Rings' Wins the Box Office Turns out that the Big Fish guys were a bit too optimistic about their projections. They sort of told a fish story.


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A senior Vatican official has criticized a priest who's been lined up as a contestant on Italy's latest Big Brother show. Big Brother director, Giovanni Modina said:''The priest in question came across very well in his screen test."


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Umbrellas For Dogs - you can also get a matching one for yourself


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Pontillism for the new millennium - portraits made with bar codes. They are amazingly good. He must have spent weeks making these things.


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The man who has confessed to killing Swedish Foreign Minister Anna Lindh in September with a knife says God told him to do so. Man, the Lord of Hosts is sure more specific than in the old days. Used to be He had ten very general commandments, and he didn't mention anyone by name, like "Do not covet thy neighbor's wife, even if she is Inger Stevens, that really hot Swedish chick on The Farmer's Daughter". Now the Lord is telling Pat Robertson the precise details of the 2004 election results, and telling this Professor Plum guy to kill the Swedish Foreign Minister, at 3600 Stringbergsgata, between 7:00 and 9:00 on Tuesday, with a knife, in her conservatory, and get in by using the key under the third potted plant.


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Citibank is NOT sending out notices asking customers to log in and verify their accounts. It is yet another internet identity theft scam.


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Best fiction of 2003. I notice that they didn't pick Cheerleaders in Chains.


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InFlash.com presents "Cartman Undercover"


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Australia may put koalas "on the pill" to halt population boom. The hard part is getting them to time their ovulation cycles. It's still easier than training them to use condoms.


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Police in central India are having to deal with a rise in buffalo rustling. This has spurred a whole new genre of rootin'-tootin' buffalo-rustlin' Westerns for Bollywood. "Please to surrender, for I am finding you to be a generally ornery sidewinder. If not totally ornery, you are most certainly at the upper end on the ornery scale."


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Tired of Holiday Inn? Here's where you want to stay on your next vacation.


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The International Guild of Professional Butlers


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Latino Review has a script review of Oceans 12.


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Trailers are on line for The Big Bounce, a crime/comedy film written by Elmore Leonard, starring Owen Wilson and Morgan Freeman.


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