Tuesday, January 20, 2004

The Top Ten Movies of the century - the NINETEENTH century!


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Mike Piazza still not gay.


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The Sun proves that a man's eyes ALWAYS get drawn to a girl's cleavage.


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The Onion's take on The State of the Union address


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The Weekend Update segment from the Jessica Simpson SNL is now online.


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The Daily Show on the Iowa caucuses


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Courtney Cox sees career change stimulated by ultra-serious new film, ala 21 Grams. Great. There are about four people in the world who are both beautiful and funny, and one of them wants to be Lady Fucking Macbeth.


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WARNING: beware of e-mail phishing


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"Hey, Hey, Hey" Joel Zwick's "Fat Albert" Gears Up Again For March Start. Old Weird Harold is now known as "Wired Hal"


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Dark Horizons: Interview - Simon Baker discusses "Book of Love"


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Terry Gilliam discusses his new project, The Brothers Grimm. (Matt Damon and Heath Ledger play the eponymous lead roles.)


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Latest news from the set of ALEXANDER, Oliver Stone's new movie starring Colin Farrell.


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Full text of the State of the Union Address. Highlights (1) turns out that his wars, and the young men and women who are dying in them, are all just part of the President's master plan to ease overcrowding in our schools! (2) he will resolve the so-called "budget problems" by replacing the current godless budgetary arithmetic with a new faith-based mathematics (3) little Ashley wants to know how a ten year old can buy Halliburton stock and "make the big bucks"


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Democratic Response to the State of the Union Address . Brief overview: (1) we hate Bush (2) no real ideas, but we know we hate Bush (3) our imaginary 10 year old is cuter than Bush's (4) our imaginary troubled Americans agree with us, not Bush


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An Israeli rabbi has come up with a prayer devout Jews can utter that will help them overcome the guilt of visiting pornographic websites. "Please God, help me cleanse the computer of viruses and evil photographs which disturb and ruin my work..., so that I shall be able to cleanse myself (of sin). And while you're at it, Lord, help me to find the URL I lost, the one for that Japanese schoolgirl spanking site."


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Nostalgia: Time-warp Archive of Vintage Technology Through the Decades


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URL says it all: PornoHaiku.com


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TV's "Friends" set is the scene of a drug arrest.


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The L.A. club scene. (Acres of flesh)


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Which Unwanted Sexual Gesture are you?


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URL says it all: CommercialsIHate.com


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The Turd Twister! Shape your shit into various decorator styles! "As Seen on TV" - I don't think I have that channel.


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Why do certain players like certain uniform numbers?


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H&R Block's Super Bowl ad


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Richardson's 1993 promise to Panther fans: Super Bowl win in 10 years. He needs one more game to pull it off.


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Women's tennis : Justine Henin-Hardenne of Belgium


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ESPN says: 'The Simpsons' got game


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Love-hungry codgers booted out of old folks' home for attempting an orgy.


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BBC now says that Churchill never owned a parrot!


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A summary table of the Democratic battle in New Hampshire. Dean has lost 11 points in two weeks. In that same period, Clark is up 7, Kerry 6, Edwards 5.


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Dean loses it: "Finishing third in a contest that just a few weeks earlier he had been expected to win handily is surely a setback for the campaign of Howard Dean. But in the long run, Dean's Iowa concession speech, in which he appeared to lose control of himself and began screaming at supporters - all in front of dozens of television cameras - may be even more damaging." I watched that speech, and Dean seemed to be auditioning for Vince McMahon's WWE. Do they have a featherweight division?


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Here's Gov. Dean's passionate speech and CBS's interview with him the next morning.


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Kidman, Kravitz Kaput


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L Word premiere, Jan 18, 2004 - new Showtime series features lots of nekkid lesbians.


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More from The L word


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Weekend Update jokes in dress rehearsal, but cut before the broadcast.


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Bad news for Mariners fans. Their closer, Kazuhiro Sasaki, a major star in 2001-2002 before an injury-plagued 2003, is homesick and will return to Japan.


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Spain sentences Imam for book offering advice on wife-beating. Here's a civil liberties and freedom of speech case that even the ACLU might refuse.


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LOTR stays on top of British box office.


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"Star Wars, Ep 3" prequel tidbits from Dark Horizons


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Here's a new r-rated featurette on Eurotrip. (Nudity.)


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There's a new trailer online for Crimson Rivers 2: Angels of the Apocalypse, which was written by Luc Besson, and stars Jean Reno.


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Coming Soon has eight new clips from The Big Bounce, the crime comedy with Owen Wilson and Morgan Freeman.


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The trailer for Intermission is now online. (Offbeat romance with Colin Farrell, expected to have a limited release. Like one old home movie screen in Colin's basement.)


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A new trailer for Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind is now online.


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Report: the Pope did NOT endorse Mel Gibson's Jesus film. "The pope does not make judgments on art of this kind; he leaves that to others, to experts, except that he does recommend Harley Davidson and the Marlboro Man"


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Is that a gun in your soccer shorts, or are you just unhappy to see me score? Striker gunned down by rival after scoring winning goal. The guy pulled a gun from his soccer shorts. How do you fit a gun in soccer shorts?


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Weekly World News: "University of Wyoming geologists claim to have found a race of super- intelligent 'mole people' living in caves under the Bighorn Mountains." Oh, wait. That was Cheney's undisclosed location. Sorry.


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Australian Idol chick has the winning showbiz formula: Actual quote: "'I want to have shorter hot pants than Kylie, have more scandal than Madonna and a little less surgery than Cher.'"


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The word around the Sundance Film Festival is that Britney Spears has agreed to take some sort of part in a new Tim Allen comedy, "In the Pink".


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President Bush declared last Sunday the National Sanctity of Human Life Day, 2004. And in order to celebrate it, he bombed the living shit out of some countries where they were living unsanctified lives.


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Massive collection of pics of chicks at the AVN porno convention. Lots of revealing outfits and almost-outfits.


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"JOHN LESLIE's girlfriend Abi Titmuss has been ditched by telly's Richard And Judy show following revelations of her four-in-a-bed sex romps."


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The trickiest pussy ever. (Very naughty video)


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Yahoo's full slideshow (327 pics) of photos from the Sundance Film Festival


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According to the official Oasis website: "Alan White has been asked to leave Oasis by the other band members. There are no plans to replace Alan. The band's scheduled recording sessions remain unaffected. "


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National Book Critics Circle chooses awards nominees.


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Dirkon - The Paper Camera


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Redford: The time's right to act again: "This is his way of announcing that his tenure as founder and frontman of the Sundance Film Festival is nearing an end. And he's about to recommit to his day job: acting and directing."


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VIRUS ALERT: Bagle virus hides as calculator, uses a simple Hi! in the subject line.


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Quote of the day #2: Who called her son "a vagina-friendly young man"? I dunno. Was it Colin Farrell's mom?


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Shelter Puts 13 Abandoned Ferrets Up For Adoption at $74 each. Anonymous money order arrives - $962 - Hollywood bank. Mysterious movie star purchaser still unidentified.


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American singer Pink as she appears in a new advertisement for Pepsi


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A MONOPOLY-style board game which mocks America's crime-ridden black ghettos has been branded sick and racist in the U.K.


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Kobe will have to pay for his own Big Macs in the future.


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Russian chick has X-ray vision. No, really. “I see everything that happens inside the human body, including in your pants.”


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Police Probe 'Assault' on Scientist Stephen Hawking. Hey, c'mon. I had to work him over a bit. He was parked in one of "our" spots.


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Quote of the day. Quick - who said these words? "Am I the evil genius in the corner that nobody ever sees come out of his hole? It's a nice way to operate, actually."


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Art Denude's free galleries


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A long, long article dedicated to that all-time stinkfest movie, "MANOS" THE HANDS OF FATE


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Nude beach, chicks with tattoos. What else is there?


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Canada's new $5 coin features Bill Shatner. My kind of country! (Ok, I confess. It's a Canadian humor site.) Mr. Tambourine Man. MR. TAMBOURINE MAN!!!!


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Rating the screen lesbians.


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Friends are a good thing, so where are Martha Stewart's? In sharp contrast to, say, Michael Jackson, there has been no outpouring of public support for Stewart from the people who have partied with her.


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Kerry surprise winner in Iowa; Gephardt exit expected. Kerry's response. "Fuckin' A. Nobody else expected Dean to fuck up so bad. Piss you off when I'm right, mofos?" Kerry 38% of the delegates, Edwards 32, Dean 18, Gephardt 11 and out of the race.


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Ain't It Cool News - presents a review of the first reel of Van Helsing.


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Comprehensive info page for the new Superman movie ... looking at Selma Blair for Lois Lane.


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