Sunday, February 08, 2004

OutKast Wins "Album of the Year" Grammy


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The current betting odds for Worst Picture. Gigli is the favorite, of course, but From Justin to Kelly is still hanging tight.


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Current Worst Actress odds. J-Lo and Kelly Clarkson are running about even.


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Current Worst Actor odds. Affleck and Justin Guarini are neck-and-neck.


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Current Best Director odds. Jackson is a runaway favorite. The big news here is that Eastwood has dropped to fourth, behind Weir. I'm kinda shocked that Meirelles is only 15 to 1. I expected about 100 to 1. Who the hell would bet on him with only 15 to 1?


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Current Best Picture odds. This has gotten to a point where a winning $1.00 bet on ROTK will only return $1.15.


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Current Best Actor odds. Penn 3/5, Murray 23/20.


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Current Best Actress odds. Theron 1/5, Watts 5/2, Keaton 3/1. Theron and Watts gaining, Keaton losing ground.


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Movie House looks at Gothika, a movie which demonstrates that "ghosts are the explanation for all seemingly inexplicable human mysteries, ranging from the Dewey-Truman headline to the career of Justin Timberlake."


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Here are four more free videos from Playboy's Big Breast Babes!


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Kerry Easily Wins Maine Caucuses. Kucinich actually got 13% in this one (more than Edwards)!


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Grammys 2004 Tally. Updated in real time.


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Timberwolf accepts Grammy with an apology. Pussy. Pop stars are sure wusses now, aren't they? What do you think Keith Richards would have said in the same situation? Jim Morrison? Frank Zappa?


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Cool quiz. Are they quotes from George W. Bush or Emperor Palpatine from the Star Wars Movies?


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Study shows: No harm in extended Internet use. Unless you want a girlfriend.


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U.S. believes it has found Saddam's money: Woah - turns out it was under his pillow all along. Whoda thunk it?" Representatives for the tooth fairy responded that Saddam had left three billion teeth under his pillow, and so received 300 million dollars at the standard rate of ten cents a tooth.


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Do you feel that your life is not quite complete? This could be the missing piece: a new crime mystery/thriller written by the master of suspense himself, Bill O'Reilly. Honest. No, really.


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This one is a real news story: Nutty FCC Chairman Michael Powell considered a "tittygate" license revocation hearing against CBS after last week's Super Bowl, but aides calmed him down by offering to have Janet Jackson sent to Gitmo instead.


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This one is a satire from whitehouse.org: FCC Chairman Michael Powell Unveils Strict New Guidelines for Defining Televised Indecency


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Zellweger Says Audiences Want Top Roles for Women. Except that men want to add the suffix "-less" to one of those words.


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This is for you guys who are REALLY into large breasts. I'm not kidding here. We're talking monstrously huge and natural. (You'll notice I didn't mention the word "attractive"?)


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A cool slide show of the final scene from Robert Altman's Pret-a-porter.


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Mouseketeer thinking of getting remarried. US Magazine says she's still dating her ... um... ex-husband.


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Bill Clinton wins his Grammy, Hillary loses hers. In case you have forgotten, Clinton narrates a revisionist version of Peter and the Wolf in which the Wolf is set free at the end. Details here.


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Janet rejected a CBS offer, finally said "no" to additional apologies, but Timberwolf caved. "Janet Jackson has decided not to accept the CBS offer to appear on tonight's Grammy show. The network said it would allow her to present a tribute to Luther Vandross if Jackson apologized for her appearance on last Sunday's Super Bowl half-time show." As I write this, the Grammys have already begun, but I'm sure she still has time to change her mind one more time before it ends. The article also says, "Justin Timberlake however has decided to go for it. The ‘NSync singer will read some kind of apology to the nation so he can make a cameo on the Grammy show."


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Barbershop 2 and Miracle both open big. They grossed $25m, and $20m, respectively, for the top two spots this weekend. Return of the King passed the $350 million mark. ROTK will soon pass Jurassic Park for the all-time #6 spot, but it needs $53 million to crack the all-time Top 5, which doesn't seem to be in the cards at this point. The three LOTR movies are currently rated #7, #8, and #13 in all-time box office, and they are #4, #5, and #6 in the all-time IMDb rankings.


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FallonFey.com has already posted the complete weekend update tape from last night's SNL! (Megan Mullally 2-7-04) The quote of the day comes from Tina Fey, "It was a disappointing primary season for Joe Lieberman, but on the plus sign, his campaign was long, quiet, and depressing enough to qualify as a Jewish holiday."


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There's now a trailer online for The Cookout, a new Queen Latifah comedy.


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A Young Person's Guide to Chastity Belts. The title reminds me of National Lampoon's famous list of Nancy Reagan's Dating Dos and Don'ts. Yeah, those chastity belts are all the rage with kids today. What girl's room doesn't include her stuffed animals, her Justin poster, her Monet or Degas print, and of course her chastity belt?


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Weekly World News: Land Sharks Exist. Great Whites hunt on shore.: "Sharks with small, stumpy but powerful legs that allow them to run as rapidly on land as crocodiles have been spotted by dozens of eyewitnesses with impeccable reputations, in the Central American nation of Costa Rica."


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Laura Bush defends husband's interest in newspapers: "She also disputed the president's statement that he gets news from his aides and not from newspapers. The first lady says the two have read papers together for years. She says what her husband meant was that he doesn't read columnists he disagrees with or every section of every paper." Yeah, like he doesn't read the national news, or the international news, or the local news, or the entertainment, or the sports. He does enjoy the subtle interaction between Nancy and Sluggo.


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The sure way to get blacklisted by telemarketers - recite bad poetry to them, and ask for their reactions in depth.


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Torrie and Sable will do a pictorial together in the upcoming Playboy.


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European court backs ban on Red Bull energy drink. Because European courts have no more important things to consider. They hope to weigh on on V-8 and Tang soon. Hopefully before their manned space launch.


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FilmJerk.com looks at the first draft of Will Farrell's: "Anchorman"


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Complete transcript of Tim Russert's Meet the Press interview with George Bush.


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Here we go again, as we predicted. Jackson undecided about Grammys! And this was 10 hours before they were scheduled to start. So she should have time to issue at least five more press releases: two yesses, two nos, and an undecided. Then the actual telecast will show her at the door to the auditorium. She starts to go in, hesitates, steps backward. Steps forward again ...


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Can you tell the difference between a real smile and a fake smile? Obviously I can't. I scored 11/20, and you should get that many with blind guessing since there are only two choices for each answer.


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MovieJuice! reviews Miracle. "But what better moment for a movie that takes us back to a time when the only revealed boob in the Jackson family was Tito."


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Peter Jackson honored by the Directors Guild. About 90% of the time, the guild's Best Director also gets the Best Director Oscar.


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There's a massive new organ at CummingFirst.com.


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FilmJerk.com - The Early Report for February 8, 2004


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RetroCRUSH presents the world's 50 coolest pop culture apes. My main man, Magilla Gorilla, came in at #30.


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Mel Gibson's Jesus film gets a huge marketing effort from churches. Is it possible that a film in two dead languages will be a monster hit? Stay tuned.


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The full screen version on the Money Train DVD reveals new J-Lo topless footage.


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