Wednesday, February 11, 2004

Quote of the day: "The Democrats seem to have succumbed to a terrible bout of wishful thinking, like Michael Moore bringing a condom in his wallet to a Sports Illustrated swimsuit-photo shoot."


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Rob Schneider shows off his new nipple ring.


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Big, big news. The White House releases '73 Bush dental exam. The bad news: he had two cavities. The good news: they were Bill Clinton's fault.


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The Covert Comic "is a real CIA officer who likes to write intelligence jokes and prose, post them on his web site, and donate proceeds to US veterans and their families."


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'Master and Commander' Wins British Critics' Awards. Lord of the Rings was shut out. One thing that the British critics do better than the Americans is to treat comedies on an equal status with dramas and melodramas. In that vein, Bill Nighy was quite rightly awarded the best supporting actor award for his hilarious role in Love Actually!


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URL says it all: ILoveKarlRove.com


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The trailer for The Whole Ten Yards, with the whole cast back for the sequel.


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Four more free videos from Playboy Plus!


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President Bush plans to endorse a constitutional amendment that would specifically define marriage as the union of a Republican man and a good Christian woman. The President and his advisors are still debating whether to require that one or both partners have golf handicaps below 18.


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Jim Carrey to star in remake of "The Day After". According to executives at Universal Pictures, "nuclear war was never so hilarious!" The company is also drawing up plans for Carrey to star in a remake of "Schindler's List", tentatively called Ace Ventura 3,


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Insect Fossil Is Declared World's Oldest: Scientists say they have discovered the world's oldest known insect fossil. 400 million years. They also believe it was a flying insect, which would make it the first known airborne creature.


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French Bride Wore Black Because the Groom Was Dead. Honeymoon at Bernies? Actually she made a pretty good move marrying a guy who had been dead for 18 months. (a) He's the only Frenchman likely to avoid other women (b) He smells better than average by French standards.


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Automatic Suicide Note Generator


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Lots and lots of Lingerie Bowl pictures.


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Jon Stewart interviews Dave Chappelle.


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Judge issues arrest warrant for Courtney Love after she misses a court date. The order was stayed until Tuesday, the date of Love's next hearing, meaning that the widow of legendary grunge rocker Curt Cobain will be arrested if she fails to make that court date.


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155 pound Newfoundland wins Westminster top dog prize.


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Bin Laden's limo driver chosen to stand trial. His defense: bin Laden made him wait for three hours in the parking lot of a weapons manufacturer and then again at Toys 'r Us - and didn't even give him a decent tip! Thank God we're zeroing in on the key people in international terrorism. Next up: Mullah Omar's pedicurist, Atta's shoeshine boy, and the guy who played Saddam in those Hot Shots! movies.


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Madonna facelift riddle.


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Hoopster pulls up for the 75-Foot jumper at the buzzer - on video.


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The top competitive prizes at the 21st annual Miami Intl. Film Festival. You know it's an important festival when "The Story of the Weeping Camel" takes top honors.


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Prime time network Nielsen ratings for Feb. 2-8 ABC has NO shows in the top 20. Not a one.


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The Daily Show looks at cruise ships.


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The Daily Show looks at Pakistani nuclear proliferation..


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Where time stands still: Hihokan - Erotic Museums in Japan


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Watch the first eight minutes of Mayor of the Sunset Strip, a documentary about the life of DJ Rodney on the Roc.


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Watch the trailer or the first eight minutes of City of God, which was nominated for the Best Director statue.


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What is your Cyborg Name?


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Sexy Beer commercial with girl/girl kissing and guys ogling.


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Man Creates Program to Protect Music File-Sharers From RIAA


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Arena Football Cheerleaders: Orlando Predators - The Prowlers.


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Snowmobile ban in parks overturned: "U.S. District Judge Clarence Brimmer in Wyoming ruled the restrictions would cause irreparable harm to companies that rely on snowmobiling in the parks." Let me see if I understand the logic of that ruling correctly. The United States can never live in peace, because that would do irreparable harm to the companies that manufacture weapons and other military equipment. The Federal Government cannot issue stricter air pollution standards because it would do irreparable harm to polluting companies. The FCC can't ban T&A on television, because it would do irreparable economic harm to pop divas and Steven Bochco. Do I have it about right?


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Justice Scalia justifies Dick Cheney hunting trip. "It did not involve a lawsuit against Dick Cheney as a private individual. This was a government issue. It's acceptable practice to socialize with executive branch officials when there are not personal claims against them. That's all I'm going to say for now. Quack, quack." Whoa. Thank god there is no personal claim against Cheney, only the mere matter of his entire political and personal reputation resting upon a favorable verdict. That distinction saved the day! Or, as Oliver Wendell Holmes would have said, "Quack, Quack"


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Norwegian researcher reports: "We're not saying the cod is monogamous, but it will choose a partner after some playfulness, dancing and flirting." Whoa. Norwegians spend way too much time thinking about Cod. It's no coincidence that "tor" and "torsk" have the same root. "Tor, I want a divorce. All you t'ink about is Cod." "Vel, not true, Solfryd. Sometimes I t'ink about herring"


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Here's a new penguin-bashing game. I came on strong at the end with my best shot (92) on my last shot to score 564 (screen shot). If I understand it correctly, a thousand is perfect.


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Larry Flynt visits the Yahd?? The Harvard Committee on College Life voted to approve a student-run magazine that will feature nude pictures of Harvard undergraduates. Now if Janet Jackson enrolls for some classes, she can show her breasts with the blessing of higher academia.


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You've read about the controversy which swirls around Bertolucci's new movie. What about the film itself? Film Jerk asks "Is The Dreamers any good for people who don't wear turtlenecks?"


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Rotten Tomatoes overview of The Dreamers: 55% positive reviews, 33% from the top critics.


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Here's the trailer and a slideshow from Bertolucci's The Dreamers.


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The comprehensive guide to chat room emoticons. My favorite one is :-.) that is the official shorthand for Cindy Crawford. Get it? Here's Bill Shatner {:- Here are a few more funny ones.


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'Miracle' for sale: 1980 game-winning puck. $95,000? What the puck is going on here? Looks like it was a smart idea to time the sale with the release of Miracle, because the owner is hoping for a 600% profit in one year.


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Chippy the sea lion found with a bullet in his head. Hey, Fat Tony warned him about the vig.


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Can you identify all the States before the timer expires?


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Comcast makes $66B bid to Disney shareholders. In addition to intellectual property, Disney owns ABC, ESPN, its own film studio, and the theme parks.


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Fox is the #1 network in the key 18-49 demographic. Their monster hit, American Idol, is the key.


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Star Wars Episode 3 pics


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More flesh for Janet - tastefully topless on her new album cover.


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USATODAY says hospital files show that Dr. Atkins was NOT obese when admitted. He was admitted on April 8, 2003, weighing 195 pounds. Stuart Trager, a surgeon and consultant for the Atkins companies, said Atkins' weight ballooned in the hospital because of fluid retention from organ failure. (I'm confused on this. The story says he died a mere 9 days after his admission, weighing 258. Could he have gained 63 pounds in 9 days from that fluid retention, or is there a major error somewhere?)


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Snoop Dogg - The ultimate success story: From drug dealer to rapper to movie star


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