Tuesday, March 16, 2004

Zug.com sent a letter to each of the 100 U.S. Senators asking for their favorite joke. They pretended to be a 10 year old boy. Here are their results.


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Arizona Senate approves 80 mph speed limit, forbids troopers to pull over drivers for seat belt violations. "I'm perplexed at the Legislature. They are essentially saying 'no' to stronger seat belt laws and saying 'yes' to driving faster," says Michael Frias, deputy director of the Governor's Office of Highway Safety.


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"I have a 231 year old pussy". Interestingly, the article is not written by Cher.


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In Court with Courtney: "At another point she said to her attorney, 'You're fired.' 'Miss Love, you're not doing yourself any favors,' Superior Court Judge Elden Fox said. 'Rehired,' Love said."


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Panoramic color photo taken on Mars. Mars is amazingly like Texas. Except that it probably has a better record of leadership.


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It's Bibleman! Woe be unto you if you challenge the first hardcore Christian superhero!!!


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Jason Rivera reviews the latest WWE "singing wrestlers" album. Nasty, cutting-edge, stuff, as you'd expect from the Riv man.


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There are only about 400-500 Sumatran Tigers left in the world. Whew, thank God. I thought we'd never get rid of them. Now if only the same hunters would start tracking down rats, we'd be sittin' pretty.


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Kid Rock Makes Jokes, Prince Makes Peace, Pete Rose is absent, at Rock Hall of Fame ceremony.


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Chris Rock the Funniest Person in America? Huh?


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The Church of the Apathetic Agnostic - "We don't know - and we don't care"


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Blowjob Planet - The only blowjob counter in the World


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Jo Blo discusses Kevin Smith's Playboy interview: "'Jay and Silent Bob are dead for now. But I always told Mewes that if he could get clean and sober I would think about doing another film with them.'"


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Passion star Jim Caviezel meets with the Pope. And the pope is all "oh, thank you, Lord, for allowing me to see the second coming before I die", and Cavaziel is all "whoa, dude, I'm not a God, I just play one on TV", and the Pope is all ballistic in Latin or Polish or something ... maybe ya hadda be dere.


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FreakingNews.com asks their Photoshop wizards to "Dress up politicians/celebrities for St. Patrick's day!"


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The Daily Show interviews George Carlin.


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The Daily Show reports on the South Korean impeachment process and the recent elections in Spain and Russia.


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Great film clip from Face the Nation. Rumsfeld says "nobody in the administration ever used the term 'immediate threat'" when referring to Iraq. . He claims it just sprung up as folklore. The interviewer then happens to have available an exact Rumsfeld quote from September 19, 2002, “No terrorist state poses a greater or more immediate threat to the security of our people and the stability of our world than the regime of Saddam Hussein in Iraq.” BUSTED! The fun is watching Rumsfeld's cornered, stammering reaction.


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Starsky and Hutch reviewed by The Filthy Critic


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The Naked Secretary and the copy machine.


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Teacher Removed Over Topless Photo From Super Bowl Party. Her principal, the superintendent, and the school board members all received anonymous e-mails with pictures attached, pictures of her with her top raised.


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Student arrested for wearing his baseball cap sideways. It must be great to live in a community where police officers have the time to arrest people based on their hat preferences. I wonder how many officers they have in that community.


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Bush administration accused of manufacturing the news.


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Duct tape bikini contest.


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Quebec films dominate nominations for the 24th annual Genie Awards


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The Kama Sutra carved in coconuts. Just something the professor thought up after accidentally spying Ginger in the shower.


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The History of the Blowjob


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An excerpt from Guts, the scandalous new story from the man who wrote Fight Club.


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First trailer for Coffee and Cigarettes. Jim Jarmusch's ensemble comedy is a series of vignettes, all revolving around discussions held over coffee and cigarettes. Starring a diverse cast, including Bill Murray, Steve Buscemi, Tom Waits, Cate Blanchett, and others, the film has been in production since the 1980s and is in black and white. Topics of conversation include Nicola Tesla, alternative medicine, Paris, the movie industry, and more.


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SoCal city considers banning all items made with dangerous dihydrogen monoxide. Dihydrogen monoxide is h2o - better known as water.


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Jessica Simpson to the Secretary of the Interior: "You've done a nice job decorating the White House." I always wondered what the "Interior" was!


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The new Spanish prime minister is Mr Bean


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Lederhosen boycott threatens Oktoberfest. Amazingly, this is NOT from Weekly World News.


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The Ukulele Hall of Fame. A bunch of Hawaiian guys and Arthur Godfrey! Pete Rose has been banned for betting on banjos.


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Famous album covers re-created with LEGOS


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The tournament of Charlotte Babes - they need your vote.


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'Raymond' Star 'Almost Sure' Show Will Return, given his flop as a movie star.


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Ben Affleck has ruled out the possibility of ever starring in a sequel to his 2003 hit Daredevil, because he doesn't want to do any more action movies! Instead, he plans to do Swedish art movies about people dying of cancer, and documentaries about crop failure.


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Variety reports that Columbia Pictures screened 12 minutes of Spider-Man 2 footage for the first time in Tokyo on Monday, with star Tobey Maguire in attendance


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First review of Hellboy: He loved it. "This is the first must-see geek movie of 2004."


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Settlement reached, Terrell Owens to Eagles


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A four gig hard drive the size of a postage stamp


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Roddy Piper and Mary Ann from Gilligan's Island, together at last. Klinger, Sulu, and Dr Zhivago willl also be joining them.


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Shakespeare's will is available on the web. I checked. He didn't leave me anything. Not even one of his fiberglass fishing poles.


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Elisabeth Shue has sex 44 times a day. No wonder she hasn't made any movies lately.


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Four free short videos from SPICE UNCENSORED! (Material too hot for Spice TV)


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Terri Harrison was The Playmate of the Month in October 2002. Here is her free, nude Playmate Gallery Courtesy of PlayboyPlus.com!


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Actor Charlie Sheen, the star of the CBS sitcom "Two and a Half Men", and his wife Denis Richards are the proud parents of baby girl Sam Sheen.


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Reflections on The Streak and other baseball arcana. Given his level of hitting performance in 1941, how likely was DiMaggio to hit in 56 consecutive games? Is DiMaggio’s streak the least likely streak of 30 games or longer? How likely were the others? Which types of batting characteristics are most conducive to hitting in streaks? Is Benito Santago really a better candidate for a hitting streak than Ted Williams? Which modern players are most likely to produce hit streaks? Is there any reasonable likelihood that the DiMaggio streak will be broken?


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FallonFey.com has now loaded the Weekend Update from 3-13-04


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GALLUP: Voters Prefer Kerry on the Economy, Bush on Terrorism, consider the economy more important. The arranging of priorities is the reason Kerry leads the polls now. This is interesting. Consider that terrorism in Spain helped the opposition get elected, but it would work the opposite way in America. The more visible is terrorism, the more likely that Bush will be elected, since American voters find him overwhelmingly better to deal with that. On the other hand, if terrorism is far in the back of people's minds, voters will choose based on the economy, and they find President Bush overwhelmingly less competent to handle that. Therefore, al-Qaeda is now essentially working on the "Committeee to Re-elect Bush/Cheney" - the more trouble they cause, the more likely is Bush to get elected. It's weird how the world works sometimes.


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All the covers of MET-ART.COM


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Reverend Al calls it quits. Kucinich is the only hold-out.


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Nudity At Bikini Party Leads To Arrests In Daytona


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Months ago, al-Qaeda planned: Bombs 'to split Spain from allies' . "We think the Spanish government will not stand more than two blows, or three at the most, before it will be forced to withdraw because of the public pressure on it," the al Qaeda document says. If its forces remain after these blows, the victory of the Socialist Party will be almost guaranteed -- and the withdrawal of Spanish forces will be on its campaign manifesto."


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This is a series created a while back by Trey Parker and Matt Stone for Shockwave. It was never used, for reasons which will soon become apparent.


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Detroit Tigers exempted from steroid ban. In fact, to restore competitive balance, the Tigers are actually being forced to take steroids.


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