Tuesday, March 30, 2004

A tribute to Krang, the evil mastermind enemy of the Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles.


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The news networks have lost nearly half of their audience from a year ago, according to NIELSEN! In 24-Hour Time Period for the first quarter of 2004, FOX NEWS CHANNEL averaged 824,000 viewers, down 36% vs. a year ago, which saw heightened viewership due to the Iraqi War. CNN plummeted 52%, averaging 458,000 viewers, while MSNBC dropped 49% averaging 234,000 viewers. "


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Allen Iverson to miss rest of season, Sixers playoff hopes even dimmer.


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TRIVIA: who said these words? "Last season was the toughest of my career... I was overcome with a sense of depression. There were days I didn't want to go to the ballpark." Was it Pat Burrell? Paul Konerko? One of the Texas Rangers' pitchers? A Detroit Tiger? WRONG. Check it out.


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Man Burned After Firing Rocket Inside Car. Here's a tip for you youngsters: when firing a rocket from your car, be sure to open the windows first. "The firework ricocheted inside his car and dived between his legs, bursting in a display that burned hair and skin from his feet to his groin." I guess he really had a pocket rocket, eh? Now THAT would be a Fourth of July show worth seeing.


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Kucinich finished second in Alaska. This is only the second time he has finished as high as second, neither of them in the contiguous 48, despite the fact that there are only two candidates. The crowd goes insane, like when another famous Dennis would drop back and pop a three. "Dennis! Dennis!"


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Flight attendants accuse Ric Flair of sexual harassment: Whoooooooooo!


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Trump's failing finances: "I'm fired"


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Get out your tinfoil hats to read Polar Shift. Mark these dates on your calendar. Feb 6, 2012, 2014, 2019. One of them is the end of days, but we don't know which.


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Holy ____ - phrases by Robin on the Batman TV show. Amazingly, Robin never looked at a statue of Julius Caesar and said "Holy Roman Emperor, Batman"


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The Color Test. Interesting challenge. I managed to get them all right on the second try, but I was sober. I doubt I could do it under the influence.


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Spring Break - 'Drunk and naked' in Cancun


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Psychic tip prompts bomb search on plane


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First clip from Sideways, the new film from Alexander Payne (About Schmidt, Election)


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Black XXX-Mas, the updated version of Little Red Riding Hood. Complete 10 minute film. Cynical, violent, includes full frontal nudity. Quite good.


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Google Web Alerts. Google Web Alerts are sent by email when there is new information on the web matching the search you specify.


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The University of Missouri just built a new facility called Paige Sports Arena. They forgot to register the domain name. Oops!


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The Federal Vampire and Zombie Agency


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Aniston to star in remake of Gambit.


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'Family Guy' Rises from the Dead


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Dialect Survey Results, presented graphically. Fascinating site.


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Britney's dive into sleaze in her live show. "She once kissed Madonna on stage and drunkenly married a childhood friend for 55 hours, but Britney Spears's new live show is her most shocking performance yet." The 22-year-old does the whole Madonna thing, wears pink underwear with stockings and suspenders, cavorts with a male dancer, and writhes suggestively on a bed,


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Because you have nothing better to read: Britney ordered me to strip
then used me for sex.


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The girl-on-girl Kama Sutra game


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I'm pretty sure you won't see this naughty commercial aired in the post-tittygate USA


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MAXIM HOMETOWN HOTTIES


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The title line says it all: Is President Bush a Homo?


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Mayor Blomberg makes up silly non-facts to justify smoking ban. You have to love the report. His commission claims that restaurant and bar business is up 8.7% in 2003 over 2002, thus the ban is good for business. A couple of things wrong with that (1) bars, clubs, and restaurants are three separate businesses, and you can't lump them together into a monolithic industry and say "the industry" is healthy. Lindy's cheesecake sales have nothing to do with the tavern industry. (2) of course business is up over 2002. The entire economy of NYC was devastated in 2002. Is the ban really having a major impact? Impossible to say without (1) a longer timeline of data (2) data separated into much more specific categories, and (3) a comparative look at the rebound of NYC commerce in general. (If your industry is up 8%, that could be brilliant if the city around you is down 63%, or it could be dismal if the city is up 612%.)


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THE ZOMBIE SURVIVAL GUIDE: complete protection from the living dead


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The Brief Safe Nobody will ever touch your valuables in a hotel room again.


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BUSH QUITS DAY JOB to devote himself full-time to stand-up comedy. George W. Bush shocked the world yesterday by resigning the Presidency to concentrate his energies on his fledgling career as a stand-up comedian.


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How do you think Dubya got Condi Rice? "Wanna buy a zombie? You can pick up some great deals on the undead from the Haitian government, which is trying to unload thousands of the walking corpses -- at less per head than you'd pay for a decent TV. 'Imagine having your very own slave who will mindlessly obey you, no matter what you order him or her to do,' says a government spokesman."


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Weekly World News says Bat Boy will be knighted: "Queen Elizabeth is reportedly set to knight Bat Boy after the intrepid freak of nature saved a British army patrol in Iraq!"


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Mussina, Yankees clobbered by lowly Devil Rays in season opener


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Pictures and naughty lyrics from Janet Jackson's new album.


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Drew Barrymore's shower scene, pre-breast-reduction, in Doppleganger


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A headline for people who really love capital letters. Female Basketball Phemon Dunks Her Way into History. Candace Parker Becomes The First Woman Ever To Win Slam Dunk Competition During The POWERade Jam Fest


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Rice to testify in public under oath after all : "Bowing to pressure, the White House will allow National Security Adviser Condoleezza Rice to testify in public under oath before the commission investigating the Sept. 11 terrorist attacks."


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Miss Nude Contestant Stripped of Court Victory


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'Mr. Jefferson would be proud': Charlottesville is No. 1: "Charlottesville, Va., where Thomas Jefferson founded and designed the University of Virginia, is the best place to live in the USA, according to a book out today."


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Urban Legends Reference Pages: True or False: "Senator John Kerry's wife owns Heinz, a company that outsources much of its work abroad" Not only false, of course, but ridiculous. (1) She has about 4% of Heinz's stock (2) Heinz doesn't outsource American work to overseas factories. It simply produces products locally in various countries for sale in those countries, ala Coca-Cola. 60% of the company's sales come from outside the USA, and it is in the food business, so it produces close to the market it serves.
  • I've noticed that "outsourcing" has been widely misunderstood by the press and politicians. Coca-Cola produces Coke in Africa and ships it with African trucks driven by Africans, but those jobs could not possibly go to Americans.
  • Basic economics only allows the flow of products to go in one direction. Even if Coke wanted to produce every drop of its soft drinks in Atlanta, the cost of doing so, then shipping it overseas, would drive the price of the product up so high that it could not be sold in Africa. The only way to sell there is to produce there. The last time I was in Zimbabwe, in 1996, the price of a bottle of Coke was about ten cents in convenience stores. The same bottle would cost five times that in the USA, ten times that in Scandinavia.


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JoBlo says, "Keanu likes Dick". Philip K Dick, that is.


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The Filthy Critic calls Jersey Girl the Citizen Kane of movies where Ben Affleck has a robot vagina, even though he hasn't seen it, and it doesn't actually have that. "Jersey Girl is the latest Kevin Smith movie, one I have no interest in seeing for two reasons: first Kevin Smith is a smug, self-satisfied bastard who couldn't direct his ass onto a toilet. He used to have a cultish fanbase of zealous white males in their early 20s who aren't nearly as smart or clever as they think they are. I would guess those jackasses have grown up and traded their misguided fanaticism in for high-interest loans on SUVs. If not, a treacly turd like Jersey Girl will send them packing."


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Perhaps you think you're just not irritating enough. There is a solution, even if you don't own any bagpipes. You can learn to yodel


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The Rap Dictionary


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Overloaders.net - lots of free pictures of sexy women


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A month full of sexy women


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Five new clips from Hellboy (opens Friday)


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Jay Leno signs contract extension to the End of Days, as foretold in the Book of Revelations.


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Demonstrators Swarm Around Rove's Home.


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Jason Patric messes with Texas, and does a little time in the Austin city jail.


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Four free short videos from Playboy Big Breast Babes!


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Victoria Fuller was the Playmate of the Month in January, 1996. Here is a free, nude Playmate gallery, courtesy of PlayboyPlus.com!


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A trailer and eight clips from the new Disney animated film, Home on the Range


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Eight new clips from the teen chick-flick, The Prince & Me


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Eight clips from The Rock's new movie, Walking Tall


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Here is the first trailer for Dodgeball: A True Underdog Story. "A small local gym is threatened with extinction by a gleaming sports and fitness palace unless a group of social rejects can rise to victory in the ultimate dodge ball competition." Ben Stiller, Vince Vaughn, Rip Torn, Stephen Root (Milton from Office Space), Gary Cole (Lumbergh!), Jason Bateman. Lumbergh plays the dodgeball TV announcer. Rip Torn looks hilarious in a small role as the Mr Miyagi of dodgeball.


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Pamela Anderson's public workouts stop traffic. Pam actually looks quite nice when she loses the make-up that ordinarily makes her look like a streetwalking raccoon.


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Extremely detailed report on Havoc, the movie with Anne Hathaway and Bijou Phillips naked. (Includes complete spoilers.)


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America and England shared a great common loss today, as the brilliant broadcaster Alistair Cooke died at 95


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