Wednesday, June 16, 2004

Mrs. Betty Bowers: Spiritual Advisor to the First Family


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Oh-oh. The first look at The Thing in The Fantastic Four is not good news.


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FINDING NEVERLAND - TRAILER AND MOVIE CLIPS A family-friendly biopic about J.M. Barrie, the author of Peter Pan. The tremendous cast includes Johnny Depp, Dustin Hoffman, Kate Winslet, Julie Christie, and Radha Mitchell.


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Andy Dick pleads "not guilty" to misdemeanor pot charge. I'd love to hear his defense. He was caught smoking a joint, was carrying a bag of pot, and has a record of misdemeanor marijuana possession. The funniest part of the charge was that the police "removed his VIP wristband and kicked him off the grounds" of a music festival. How do you know your music festival is a complete loser? When your idea of a VIP is Andy Dick.


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This week's openings, arty division: Facing Windows - 33% good reviews. James Berardinelli pointed out: "Probably best skipped -- unless you have a penchant for shallow, 'comfortable' foreign films that offer obvious messages and never attempt to challenge the viewer."


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This week's openings: I'll Sleep When I'm Dead: 36% positive reviews. Some people called this Brit-Crook flick a complete snooze-fest, while others hailed it as a classic. James Berardinelli's ambivalence reflects the polarization of this film's reviews: "This is a movie that will put ADD sufferers to sleep, while simultaneously rewarding those who have the patience to see it through."


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This week's openings: Around the World in 80 Days: 31% positive reviews. Typical review: "A two-hour version of the Jules Verne story that is only intermittently fun, despite lavish expenditures on CGI and stunt work."


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This week's openings: The Terminal - 68% positive reviews. Typical review: "Steven Spielberg and Tom Hanks serve up a heaping helping of Capra-corn...and in their hands it's a reasonably palatable, though hardly gourmet, dish."


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This week's upcoming movies: Dodgeball: A True Underdog Story - 67% positive reviews so far. Typical review: "For viewers who just want to laugh for 90 minutes without having to think too much, the no-holds-barred Dodgeball will happily do the trick."


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HIGH COURT BLOCKS BID TO REMOVE GOD FROM GODDAMN IT!


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The Daily Show looks at live ex-Presidents


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Proctor and Gamble tests a product that increases sexual desire and satisfaction in women. Geez, do you think they might sell a few of those?


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Stagworld! The manly barbershop magazines of the 50s and 60s


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Natalie Portman - queen of paranoia. Portman's mom has become a local legend, reporting everyone near their house as a stalker. The latest - a French exchange student who couldn't identify exactly who Portman was! Note that this article gives the identity of the tiny community where Portman lives - for the benefit of your REAL stalkers! Its area is only one square mile, so if you appear anywhere in town, expect Portman's mom to call the police.


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Matt Starr: the Steve Bartman of 2004.


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Scientists invent a serum which turns promiscuous males to monogamy. Well, at least it works on rodents. Insert Colin Farrell joke here.


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German dogs get their own lederhosen.


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What to drink when you're chasing beaver.


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A second trailer from Shyamalan's new movie The Village


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Happy Bloomsday.


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Rocky Balboa Carries Olympic Torch in L.A.. "I just hope I can live up to what this flame represents, which is honor, dignity, a never-say-die spirit, and a public relations boost to my sagging career."


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Why are there so many more lesbians now than in 1950? Because Midol makes you gay.


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After hours with Bert and Ernie.


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A B movie plot? Truck crashes in Montana. Its cargo: nine million bees.


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Looking for a unique career? Join the high-paying fast-paced world of Panda Pornography.


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The Polyphonic Spree - The Quest For The Rest. This is a joint introduction of a CD and an interactive adventure. Not my kind of stuff, but maybe interesting to some of you.


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Yukon Men Convinced They Saw Sasquatch. Sasquatch is yet another thing more popular than the NHL.


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How much ink is inside a Sharpie?


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More topless and mostly blond soccer chicks from Northern Europe. (I think Denmark this time)


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Blogger Uncle Scoopy said...

Just testing this comment thing

 


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Amazin' Beer Chiller...


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More about Extreme Dodgeball, which is yet another thing more popular than the NHL.


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University of Colorado's president defends the word "cunt" because it once was a 'Term Of Endearment'. True enough, and also true that the word is probably used in Ireland and the UK to describe men more often than women. Of course, those points are irrelevant to the case at hand, in which is was obviously neither endearing nor masculine.


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"Hey,Scoop: while the Pistons were up by 513 points in the fourth quarter, I decided to channel surf a bit. I came across Joe Shmoe 2 on Spike TV and was amazed by the body of Jana Speaker (she plays the blonde bitch role on the show). Are there any vidcaps from this? She was breathtaking in her bikini!" Here is a picture of Jana Speaker at the "Master and Commander" premiere.


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Lucas says Episode III trailer will be out in November


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Some pretty cool free fonts


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16 percent of American men shave around their privates, while the others will not shave except in the presence of officers, or at least an NCO. Which reminds me of my favorite porno title, "Shaving Ryan's Privates".


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Do the Lakers piss your dad off? Then I have the Father's Day gift for you.


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The first virus to spread from one cell phone to another.


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The Chronicles of Riddick: Dark Fury: "The Chronicles of Riddick: Dark Fury is the latest trend in Hollywood to arise, thanks to The Matrix sequel franchise explosion. Enter the Matrix, and The Animatrix served to flesh out the universe outside of the trilogy. True to form, The Chronicles of Riddick is looking to repeat that success with its own game title (Escape from Butcher Bay) and an animated sequel -- or prequel, depending how you look at it -- that bridges the gap between the events Pitch Black and The Chronicles of Riddick. "


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Norway's crime rate plummets, as their only criminal is currently vacationing in Sweden.


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"GOP refusing to allow testimony on Halliburton spending". I'm sure there are plenty of legitimate abuses to be found in any such operation, but this article is a classic example of the density of some of our legislators as well as our some journalists. They are actually condemning Halliburton for doing some things that are excellent business! Check this out: "Halliburton lodged 100 workers at a five-star hotel in Kuwait for a total of $10,000 a day while the Pentagon wanted them to stay in tents, like soldiers, at $139 a night."
  • Wasteful and lavish? Apparently neither Congressman Waxman nor the journalist had to take any math courses in school. Damn that tricky process known as division! It seems to me that $100.00 per day to stay in a Kempinski hotel is a lot better than I do when I travel.
  • Did you ever hear anything sillier than the tent argument? I'm sure Halliburton would be happy to lodge their workers in those tents, provided that their business employees have access to the computers, internet, faxes, and phones in order to do their jobs. Will the military provide all of those things in those tents, complete with the temperature control to keep them fully operational in the desert 24/7? In addition, these are undoubtedly a lot of sedentary, out-of-shape people in their fifties and sixties (like Waxman himself), not trained professional soldiers. You think they'll be productive for 90 days of tent duty in the desert? You think they'd even agree to do the job in the first place? Call me crazy, but I'm betting that the hotel-to-tent comparison isn't quite apples-to-apples, and I'm also betting that if the army did meet the specs and provide everything necessary for the Halliburton people to do their jobs productively, that the cost would actually be MORE than at the five star hotel.
  • I suggest that Congressman Waxman and the journalist who wrote this story should spend the next ninety days in the desert living in one of the army's tents while trying to do their own jobs, and then see if they still want the execs to move to tents. Personally, I will choose to stay in the hotel with the Republicans and the Halliburton execs.


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Competitive eating is more popular than the NHL. Of course, Charles Manson, shit-stained underwear, and the Cocoa Puffs Bird are more popular than the NHL.


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The official commission can find "no credible evidence" of Iraqi links to al-Qaeda or 9-11. The administration's response, "who made himself God and said the links had to be credible? Credibility is for pussies." The spokesman assured the press that there were plenty of "faith-based links".


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Fucking villagers vote against Fucking name change, because they like Fucking, darn it.


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Press scramble starts for first peek at Clinton Memoirs. Rumor has it that it's the first Presidential memoir with a foreward by Larry Flynt. Although I'm not sure if Nixon's posthumous memoir, with a forward by his friend Lucifer, Prince of Darkness, was more impressive. Nixon says the worst thing about Hell is trying to play three-handed Presidental Bridge with LBJ and Warren Harding, waiting patiently for Clinton to die.


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New clips and video interviews for Spider-Man 2


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A second trailer for Alien Vs. Predator Very intense stuff. Don't know if the film is good, but my hat is off to the guy who edited the trailer.


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The Roman Catholic Diocese of Tucson is making plans to file for Chapter 11 bankruptcy protection


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Kerry was a right-winger at Yale.


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Catching the Green Fairy - so what is the big deal about absinthe, anyway?


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Thallia demonstrates the proper use of baby oil.


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Sorority Girls From Hell


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The Xylophone which plays "You are a fuckin' cunt"


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Universal Pictures is in talks with Lasse Hallstrom to direct Tom Hanks and Julianne Moore in Boone's Lick, an adaptation of Larry McMurtry's novel


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Start at the beginning with the early episodes of Republican Survivor, then move to the current one.


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