Tuesday, June 29, 2004

Army to Call Up Retired and Discharged Troops witrh Reserve Obligations. I don't know, they seem pretty desperate. Call-ups include former President Jimmy Carter, Gomer Pyle, and General Custer.


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Uncle Melon discusses "How to Eat Pussy"


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Jon Stewart looks at the early transfer of Iraqi sovereignty


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High scoring Tracy McGrady has been traded to the Houston Rockets in a multiplayer deal that will send Steve Francis to the Orlando Magic.


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Now THIS is funny. The Reagan Pyramid Nears Completion. Builders expect the Reagan Pyramid to be ready in time for the Great Communicator's mummification and ascension into the Afterworld upon death. Among the items to be entombed with Reagan are 2,500 MX missiles, a golden chalice of jelly beans, and his beloved servant, George Bush Sr. ... "Only the most gigantic tomb ever created will be worthy of the Great Communicator," former Reagan Secretary of Defense Caspar Weinberger said. "As his mortal subjects, it is our holy duty to provide Reagan with a burial commensurate with his stature, in order that he may enter the Realm of Death bedecked with raiments and honors so that he may take his rightful place beside the mighty Sun God, Ra."


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Star magazine claims that Mary-Kate Olsen is being treated for a cocaine addiction in an exclusive facility in Utah. Star continues, "As it's been widely reported, Mary-Kate is also battling anorexia."


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This week's movies: The Clearing - 56% good reviews If features a big-time cast (Helen Mirren, Robert Redford, Willem Dafoe) in a modest, limited release mivie about a kidnapping.


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This week's movies. Seducing Doctor Lewis -58% good reviews, but a low-key comedy that will undoubtedly get lost amid the brouhaha about a certain famous spider and a certain portly Bush-bashing populist.


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This week's movies. It ain't just Spidey this week. Discerning critics are also delirious about Before Sunset - 100% good reviews. Richard Linklater's sequel to Before Sunrise.


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This week's movies. Polish up a few Oscars. The critics have spoken - Spider-Man 2 may be the best summer movie of the millennium - 94% good reviews. Consensus: it would be a great movie based on the story alone, but the action and effects place it in a different league from the rest of the summer offerings.


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Supreme court bars Internet porn law enforcement: "The Supreme Court on Tuesday blocked enforcement of a law intended to protect children from pornography on the Internet, saying the law probably violates free-speech guarantees."


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The latest celebrity caught in a sex tape - Super Mario. Or is it Luigi? (Very loud video game noises, turn down/off your sound if anyone can hear.)


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Paris Hilton's father is shopping his own reality series


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INSPIRED BY EARLY IRAQI HANDOVER, BUSH HOLDS U.S. ELECTION FOUR MONTHS EARLY. The element of surprise was a crucial factor as Bush romped to victory. The election, about which only top Bush administration officials were notified, went exceedingly well for the president, who carried all fifty states and garnered approximately one hundred percent of the vote. Responding to crazed reporters on the first tee, the President would have said, "now watch this drive", but he had hit his drive early, and was then carrying a 7-iron in preparation for his second shot.


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Interview with the Dalai Lama. "Reality is devoid of any intrinsic identity that can be captured by any one single proposition -- that is what Buddha meant by voidness. Now watch this 400 yard drive." Big hitter, the Lama.


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Paris Hilton kissing the former Mrs Rodman


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Microsoft is giving away the beta version of Visual Studio 2005.


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Republican Survivor: Elimination Ceremony #4


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All about the butt. You must turn your sound off if anyone can hear you. VERY loud.


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Nice, simple little Flash version of Home Run Derby


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Claim: you've won a foreign lottery. Status: false. I have received several of these - non by e-mail, but from Spain via snail-mail, with an actual Spanish postmark.


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Mike Judge discusses his upcoming film about the future.


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Reality TV: Spouse-swapping is a big trend among reality series this season as ABC and Fox race to broadcast their respective shows, Wife Swap and Trading Spouses,


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Satire department: "Rethinking Presidential Term Limits" by George W. Bush How term limits abet terrorism.


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Mattel loses court battle to defend Barbie's honor


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"Who cares?" department: FORMER Hollywood glamour couple Nicole Kidman and Tom Cruise could be set to rekindle the flames of love during a special holiday in Australia.


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Courtney Love shows up at 3:00 for a 9:30 court date, acts as crazy as ever.


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Avril Lavigne lifts up her t-shirt and flashes her fans. Sorry, she was wearing a bra, but it's still entertaining.


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Canadian minivan goes Toronto-to-Rochester faster than Rochester's "high speed ferry"


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Abi Titmuss gallery


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The Smoking Gun finds the active Democratic Party registration of Michael ""I am an Independent, not a member of the Democratic party" Moore. The date of the computer document is June 28th, and the status is "active".


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Anonymous Anonymous said...

This doesn't really mean much. I'm a life-long democrat, but I've been registered as a republican for the last 8 years. In Nebraska (where I live), the important races are decided in the republican primaries, so that only make sense. However, it doesn't make me a republican!

 


Anonymous Anonymous said...

Why does this not surprise me?

 

McDonalds of Amsterdam to introduce McDope and McSex Really Happy Meals.


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Iraq to Get "Legal" Custody of Hussein Wednesday. Actually, nothing at all will change. Saddam will stay in an American prison, and there will be no trial for months. And if the trial somehow finds Saddam "not guilty", you can bet your ass that the USA will say "just kidding about that whole silly legal custody thing".


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The REAL Potter Book 6 title has been confirmed by JK Rowling. It turns out that "Harry Potter and the Tossed Salad" and "Harry Potter in the Land of Mr. Softee" were just hoaxes.


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Things haven't changed much: Bush, Kerry at Dead Heat in Florida. CBS has called it for Gore. The Supreme Court, however, has already declared Bush the winner.


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Astronomy Pic: "Bright gas and dark dust permeate the space between stars in the center of a nebula known as NGC 6559."


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GALLUP: Americans Applaud Transfer of Sovereignty to Iraq


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