Wednesday, July 07, 2004

Borowitz: EARLY PORN CAREER ELIMINATED GEPHARDT AS V.P. CHOICE. Made Over 100 Films in Early Seventies, Congressman Admits


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Wikipedia, the free online encyclopedia, now has 300,000 articles, many of them accurate.


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The USA is seventh in the world in the FIFA soccer rankings!


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IS WILL FERRELL THE HOTTEST MAN IN HOLLYWOOD?


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When a questioner noted that Mr. Edwards had been described as charming and a 'nimble campaigner' and asked Mr. Bush to compare the one-term senator to Vice President Dick Cheney, Mr. Bush snapped: "Dick Cheney can be president." . "And we know that, because he has been for the last four years."


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This week's movies: Anchorman - 56% positive reviews Probably a great flick. I figure that 60% is pretty much perfect for lowbrow comedies, since there are always the inevitable reviewers who simply don't understand the appeal of this kind of film.


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The international trailer for Wimbledon (Romantic tennis-themed comedy with Kirsten Dunst)


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The international trailer for Wimbledon (Romantic tennis-themed comedy with Kirsten Dunst)


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Two new clips from I, Robot.


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Lisa Simpson to cry for Cornish independence. As an independent nation, Cornwall would corner the world market in game hens.


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The trailer from Bridget Jones 2: The Edge of Reason


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The Daily Show looks at Kerry's VEEP selection.


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BOROWITZ: Organizers of the 2004 Summer Olympics in Athens admitted today that they have not yet begun building the Olympic stadium considered crucial to hosting the summer games. "I'd love to sugarcoat this and say that work was underway, but we have done diddly on this", said chief organizer Stratis Stratigis.


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Do the French like Michael Moore more than they love Le Gran Jerry?


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Costly but useless research department:A major study finds that most cab drivers in NYC are foreign-born. It's currently standing at 100%, unchanged from all the previous 100 percents reported every year since cars were invented. The study also found that most Italians like olive oil.


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Three Bodies Found on New Mexico Ranch Owned by Journalist Sam Donaldson. That's why Sam and ABC are better than the competition. When there's no news to report - they make some. Now that's vertical integration!


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Quote of the day: "Fallujah is all about trust and family. They have no idea about security or technology. It is just God, kin and the nation. It's Alabama in Arabic."


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Lindsay Lohan's father arrested for skipping out on hotel bill. Can't he just steal from his child's wealth like any sensible Hollywood parent?


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Anonymous Anonymous said...

"Lohan was arrested just before he was scheduled to appear before a Nassau County judge to face charges that he assaulted his brother-in-law at a family first communion party on May 23."
With these family values he must be a Republican!

 

Ken Lay, Enron's Ex-Chief, was indicted. No news yet on his former partner, Milton Frito.


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Remember what it was like when you were teaching your wife to drive a stick shift? Well, you had it a lot better than this guy.


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Mondo Topless, with Pat Barringer


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You have to love the official bus for the National Geographic Channel


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Rock, Paper, Saddam


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Is Britney turning into Courtney Love?


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110 pound woman is ranked No. 2 in the world by the International Federation of Competitive Eating.


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Dark Horizons offers a "Star Wars 3" Update


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The Haggis Hurl Game


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"As Kristopher Schau and his band Cumshots were in the middle of their concert in Norway; a young couple entered the stage, stripped and had sex." Best of all, this happened in Scandinavia, so they have actual photos of a screwing couple on the newspaper's web page.


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Anchorman - "one of the ten funniest movies ever"


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Attack of the Evil Killer Kangaroos


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There are four BUFFY/ANGEL TV movies being planned?????


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How Much Bacon is Inside Bacon Bits? Turns out that Bacon Bits are just about the best deal on the supermarket shelf. If you buy the raw bacon and make your own bacon bits, it will cost you TWICE as much as buying them pre-packaged!!!!


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Anonymous Anonymous said...

aye, this is true unless you want meat in your bacon bits. Bacon Bits are vegan. no meat. not the same. there I said it.

-keltick

 

The Lingerie Football League has held its draft, and the women are ready to rumble.


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The Wackier World of Japanese Horseflesh Flavored Ice Cream. Succeeding despite the neighsayers. Also good with a sweet cookie, a combo the Japanese call, Teabiscuit with Seabiscuit.


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GALLUP: Edwards selection received positively.


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