Thursday, August 05, 2004

With 0% of precincts reporting, Fox News calls 2004 Election for Bush. Kerry expected to concede tonight


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Will Smith had to tape his willy to his leg for a steamy shower scene in I, Robot- because it's enormous.


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Seinfeld - Master of the DVD domain. The first three seasons hit DVD on November 23rd.


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I did NOT make this up. One of the best Bushisms ever!! At a bill signing Thursday, President Bush declared that his administration will "never stop thinking about new ways to harm our country and our people". Well thank heaven for that. With Bush always thinking of new ways to harm me, and Matt Dillon starring in a new Love Bug movie, it's gonna be one great decade!


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JoBlo.com: New Line Films presents their fall preview


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Did you know - in Tasmania, cattle are 'not allowed to have cosmetic surgery'.


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The trailers for Shaun of the Dead


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Here's the first look at the trailer for Surviving Christmas : "Facing another Christmas alone, Drew Latham (Ben Affleck) decides to go back to his idyllic childhood home to spend the holidays with family. There is, however, one problem: the people living there now are not Drew's family. Nevertheless, Drew has his mind set on an old-fashioned family Christmas, and the fact that the 'family' in question, the Valcos, are complete strangers, isn�t about to put a crimp in his plans. Offering them a small fortune, Drew bribes his newfound 'parents' (Tony Soprano and Catherine O'Hara) to let him spend Christmas in their home, pretending to be part of the family. Just when the Valcos begin to question if any amount of money is worth being dragged all over town on such traditional family holiday excursions as Christmas shopping and the requisite choosing of the Christmas tree, their eldest daughter Alicia (Christina Applegate) comes home for the holidays, with no intention of adopting a new 'brother.'"


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BOROWITZ: ASHCROFT CONSIDERING PARTIAL REINSTATEMENT OF BILL OF RIGHTS. It would be in effect Mondays, Wednesdays and Fridays, like alternate side parking.


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Still no word on The Usual Suspects 2 or Blade Runner 2, but we can take comfort in the fact that Matt Dillon will help relaunch Disney's 'Love Bug' franchise


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The Daily Show's Jon Stewart weighs in on oil prices.


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The Daily Show's Stephen Colbert makes his final report from the Democratic Convention


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The Daily Show's Samantha Bee meets with "the friendly Republican" who wants to stop the gayification of Fort Lauderdale


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California Lawyer Sues Yahoo Over Message-Board Posts


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Poker: "tales from the sawdust joint". When a guy specializes in proposition bets, he always has the odds in his favor. Always! Great anecdote!


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POKER: Today's Hand: Studying Pot Odds


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Genius researchers determine that the lack of sex causes stress.


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Internet Addiction will get you out of the The Finnish Army. Although a more reliable method is to not be Finnish.


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How much gold is inside Goldschlager?


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Criminal mastermind department: Suspect Charged With Selling Drugs To Uniformed Officer In Marked Cruiser


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Wow, I guess it is impossible to distract those guards at Buckingham Palace!


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In honor of Kevin Bacon, here are Six Degrees of Rock Bands


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Photoshop Contest to depict a modern celebrity as the model in a piece of classic art (not photorealistic). Some of these are absolutely brilliant.


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Drinking half a bottle of wine a day can make a woman's brain work better.
  • Yeah, I've noticed that they agree with me more after a half a bottle. After three or four bottles, they put up no disagreement at all.
  • The bad news is that they are smarter for a shorter period of time, when they die of cirrhosis of the liver. Life is full of difficult choices. "The light that burns twice as bright burns half as long - and you have burned so very, very brightly, Roy."


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The NFL - One smokin' team. A look at the guys with ... um ... chronic problems.


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News from Asia: A look inside a famous 'wife-training' school. Somebody send this article to Guy Richie.


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News from Norway: Norwegian prostitutes rated online: "Norwegian sex customers are getting organized and are taking dramatic steps to ensure that they get what they pay for. One advanced web site with prostitute ratings and discussion groups for sex clients has 3,300 registered users."


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Portman to play a stripper in upcoming film.


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On August 11, take your mother's advice and wear clean underwear, because it is National Underwear Day.


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George Clooney to pack on 40 pounds, shave his head, for next role.


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Grandfatherly tycoon Reg Penny died after having sex with a hooker. Get rich, enjoy life, die during sex. Can any mortal ask for more during this short time we are given?


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The Thames now is filled with more shit than Parliamant.


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Our solar system may be unique. I think they mean "rare", not "unique", It's a little premature to say "unique", but they have studied 120 planetary systems, and have found only giant gaseous planets which come very close to their stars in eccentric elliptical orbits.


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FILM legend Marilyn Monroe revealed all on secret tapes.
  • She tried some girl-on-girl action with Joan Crawford, but didn't like it
  • She revealed that Joe Dimaggio "wasn't that interested" in making whoopee, and that marrying him was a mistake.


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Bush, Kerry visit the same town in Iowa at the same time - and three banks are robbed in the area


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Viagra helps you get up - in the mountains.


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2004 is already Year 4 for Seattle's FUCKING FABULOUS FILM FESTIVAL


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Stephen Sommers, having set his bar at Van Helsing level, will now produce and likely write a bad new version of FLASH GORDON as well.


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A Spanish-language reality TV show is offering contestants an unusual prize: a green card. "Win the Green" can't give out green cards, of course. The show actually provides expensive lawyers who specialize in immigration law. Why not give them cash? With enough cash they can either (a) pocket the lawyers share and bribe a judge directly, or (b) live like sultans in Mexico.


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Prosecutors vow to pursue Bryant case amid signs that accuser may withdraw. The lead prosecutor said that there might still be some Americans who felt he was a competent human being, and that he felt a need to dispel those misconceptions on a nationwide stage.


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English Heritage, guardian of various historic sites in Britain, is advertising for someone to be the nation's first court jester since 1649. The ad reads: "Must be mirthful and prepared to work summer weekends in 2005. Must have own outfit (with bells). Bladder on stick provided if required."


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Eric Bana has dismissed reports he has signed a deal to play James Bond. The actor was at the centre of a media frenzy last week when sources said he had the part, but he doesn't even want the role - and has no idea where the story has come from. In fact, he said, 'I wouldn't do it.'


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CIA calling in screenwriters and sci-fi authors as anti-terrorism consultants. (It relates to the accusation that they "lack imagination")


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Arlo Guthrie calls the JibJab Parody of "This Land is Your Land" an "Incredibly Wonderful Bit of Hilarity"


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Lindsay Lohan says they are real - and they're spectacular.


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Tom Hanks to produce HBO drama about a Mormon polygamist. Bill Paxton will play the polygamist.


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Bill Gates Gets a cream pie in the face in Brussels.


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Lots of good reasons to go to Prague, most of them involving gorgeous naked women.


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Nudity in Archie comics?


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The city of Topeka is looking for a city slogan. Current suggestions that aren't likely to win include “Topeka - you won't get a lot of unwanted relatives visiting you” and “Topeka — not as bad as you think.” Pat Reeder of the Comedy Wire suggested "Visit Topeka: Don't worry, you don't have to move here."


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"What's your major?". Here's what some famous people studied as undergraduates. The President kinda surprised me, probably because I didn't know that Yale offered a program in Ceramics. Seriously, did you know Lisa Kudrow majored in Biology?


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Here's the trailer and a clip from Resident Evil: Apocalypse


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POKER: Silver Dollar Sam's Daily Nuggets - Murphy knows when to fold 'em.


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Here's a familiar face in the Playmate Gallery - Brande Roderick, whom we saw in a movie recently - changing her shirt in Starsky and Hutch


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Four free short videos from Playboy's Beach Babes!


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A few days back, we quoted Halle Berry slamming plastic surgery, but the Awful Plastic Surgery site says Halle Berry has had a nose job


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