Friday, August 13, 2004

Weekly World News presents "Bloopers in the Bible".


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A previously undiscovered natural river of beer has been found deep in Germany's Black Forest, according to Weekly World News, which further claims it is named the Krautlager River.


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Weekly World News: ALIENS CLAIM JACKO IS THEIR SON. And they want him back!


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Olympic athletes to get 130,000 condoms, 30,000 packs of lube


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Rumours of William Hung's death have been greatly exaggerated.


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Olympic mascots Phevos and Athena, siblings named for a pair of Greek deities, are catching an ungodly amount of abuse around Athens. The pair were derided in various news articles, described as animated condoms and mutants from a nuclear meltdown"


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Olympic Report: Dave Barry reports that Athens is just like Miami, except that more people speak English.


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A first look at the upcoming Stone-Parker comedy, Team America.


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Many superheroes are gay.
  • Are you surprised? Hey, these guys wear capes, tights, and skin-tight Spandex. They work out all the time, are obsessed with their bodies, and have teenage "wards".
  • I have to admit that I'm a little out of touch with kid's comics, so I was quite surprised to hear that Captain Cocksucker turned out to be gay. I mean, since that is his real last name, I thought it would be too much of a coincidence.


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Kids Show - an extremely deranged version of Sesame Street


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It looks like Yahoo, but I'm pretty sure it isn't


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You have to check out this platform statement from the Republican National Committee's website: : "The rule of law, the very foundation for a free society, has been under assault, not only by criminals from the ground up, but also from the top down. An administration that lives by evasion, coverup, stonewalling, and duplicity has given us a totally discredited Department of Justice." ... Yes, I said that is from the Republican website. Now THAT's the kind of honesty we need in politics!


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Blogger Shepcat said...

You'll also notice, three or four lines into the section titled "Family Matters," that the platform still refers to the GOP candidate as "Governor Bush." So intractable are these jag-offs about their position statement that they haven't bothered to revise it at all over the past four years, even to point out that their candidate is, in fact, the incumbent president of the United States.What a bunch of ass-hats.

 


Blogger Uncle Scoopy said...

I was just kiddin' around, takin' it a lot less seriously than you did.

But you do make some strong points!

 

Borowitz: GOP: KERRY WENT TO VIETNAM TO AVOID SERVING IN ALABAMA NATIONAL GUARD Guard-dodging charges haunt campaign.
In the ad, a narrator asks, “When the Alabama National Guard called young Americans to serve, where was John Kerry? Thousands of miles away, hiding in Vietnam


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Italy to Honor De Niro With Citizenship. Some Italian-Americans objected, protesting that DeNiro had done too much in his career to associate Italians with criminals. "The actor has projected a bad image with numerous roles as an Italian thug". Hey, in "Once Upon a Time in America", he also played a Jewish thug! Can he also get Israeli citizenship? Seriously, DeNiro has played all kids of roles, some of them even better than his famous ones. It is the public, not Bobby D, which has made the Italian gangster films so popular. (And, c'mon, the movies they are talking about were award-winning films directed by Coppola and Scorsese. How many actors say "no way, dude" when Scorsese calls?)


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Judge denies prosecution request for delay in Kobe Bryant trial. Could it be that an American judge has actually read the Constitution and is familiar with the sixth amendment? N-a-a-a-a-h! It's probably a coincidence.


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Miramax lays off 13 percent of its staff


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The ever-annoying Dick Vitale makes his pre-season hoops picks, baby. He's goin' Tar Heels, baby.


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Craig Kilborn Signs Off


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Religious groups say that FOX has gone too far with their latest reality series, 'Who Wants to be the next Pope!'.


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Allen Iverson has received $4500 in parking tickets since 2001; always parks in handicapped spot. Hey, I saw the Sixers play last year. He earned that handicapped spot.


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Norwegian Navy gears up for war with Iceland. Not surprisingly, they are fighting over herring.


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Russian Olympians compete in eroticism. (Nekkid pics)


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Today I guess we understand why reviewers didn't get an advance look at Alien vs Predator. There were no reviews yesterday, but today Alien vs. Predator scores an 8% positive at Rotten Tomatoes. "Who is the big winner in Alien Vs. Predator? Everyone who avoids going to see the film."


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"Talk about knee-jerk reactions! When Demi Moore, 41, saw Star's photo of her saggy knees in our July 19 'Celebrity Flaws' story, she supposedly ran straight to her plastic surgeon." Or not.


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The Straight Dope: Did Mahatma Gandhi sleep with 12 year old virgins?. And if not, why not?


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Charlize Theron Signs as the New Face of Dior Perfume


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Gwyneth Paltrow has signed on to star alongside Mark Wahlberg, Sandra Bullock and Sigourney Weaver in the Truman Capote biopic EVERY WORD IS TRUE. Paltrow will star as singer Peggy Lee. Bullock is author Harper Lee, and Wahlberg is multiple murderer Perry Smith.


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By now, you should have already learned how God expects women to behave by taking "The Role of Women Bible Quiz". Find out what God thinks of women and how He has designed their existence.


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The Amish Vote: President's Heartfelt Campaign Rally Remarks to Undecided Swing-State Amishese


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The trailer and four clips from Uncovered: The War on Iraq


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Two new clips from Suspect Zero . starring Aaron Eckart as an FBI agent on the trail of a man (Ben Kinglsey) who may be a serial killer, or a very thin Hindu religious leader.


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Here's a third clip from Alien vs. Predator. The winner will go on to challenge either Ecks or Sever.


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Watch the first seven minutes of Without a Paddle online


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P.T. Barnum's Lost Museum recreated on the internet


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Jon Stewart's interview with Bill Clinton


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TV Cooking Show Host Julia Child Dies at 91


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PhotoStamps is an exciting new service that allows you to create your own customized postage stamps. You can use pictures of your wedding, your kids, your dogs, anything G-rated.


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Urban Legends Reference Pages: facts about Friday the 13th.


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The trailer for Undead. Five words tell you all you need to know: "zombies hungry for human flesh"


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Here is a new clip from Blade: Trinity. I'm not impressed so far. It has some cool elements, but it's a fight scene that looks so unrealistic that it had to be shown in a gazillion short edits with lots of distracting loud music.


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