Tuesday, October 05, 2004

An awesome promotional film for Team America: World Police


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The First 2004 Presidential Debate: Transcript of President Bush's Stunning Oratorial Knockout Punch Victory Over Senator John "Flip-Flop" Kerry (WHITEHOUSE.ORG)


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The trailer, a featurette, and many clips from Ray. The featurette is a gas. Click on "Ray and Jamie Foxx perform together."


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Here's the transcript and video from the first Weekend Update of the post-Fallon era. A great response from Ben Affleck to Matt Damon about Matt's criticism of Hollywood actors who only take roles in potential blockbusters, "Halfway through watching Paycheck I went to ask the theatre manager for my money back then I remembered I was in it. Alright, I gotcha! And I know you're "not into stardom," but, help me out here. I can't seem to recall which Chekhov play The Bourne Supremacy is based on. And I'm sure they'll be studying Ocean's 12 in the film classes at USC, believe me. Cause Ocean's 11 left so many unanswered questions. Wait til you lose your mind and make two movies in a row with your girlfriend, alright? By the way, Street Cred, how's Clooney's yacht treating ya? Is there a phone on that thing? I've been trying to call you for like three weeks about this Project Greenlight mess."


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Mad TV`s spoof of the Presidential debates


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That is funny. Dick Cheney recommended that people visit factcheck.com (see transcript below). Does this qualify as irony? He didn't fact-check his URL. When I go there, it says "President Bush is endangering our safety, hurting our vital interests, and undermining American values". Oh, that Cheney. What an internet guru! (I think he meant factcheck.org)


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Complete Transcript & Video of the VP debate


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The 50 weirdest records in the Guinness book. I had no idea one guy could fit 12 hamsters in his ass at the same time.
  • Reminds me of the time Richard Gere was driving down the Ventura Highway with his pet, Nibbles. Gere had an accident when he took his eyes from the road. It seems he decided to take Nibbles from his cage, place the little fella in the passenger seat and belt him in. All while he was driving. The investigating officer told the court that Gere was responsible for the accident because he was placing the hamster in a very unusual place. "Rectum?", asked the judge. The officer replied: "Wrecked 'im? Hell, it nearly killed 'im!"


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Day 1: no big playoff surprises.
  • Santana owns the Yanks in Game 1. Santana was pitcher of the month in September. Oh, and by the way, he was also pitcher of the month in July. Oh, yeah, and guess who was pitcher of the month in August? Last three months he was something like 14-2, with an era betweeen 1.10 and 1.20. In September, he was 5-0 with a 0.45. Most unbeatable pitcher down the stretch since Gooden's 24-4 season in 1985. Santana might have had a better year than Doc, except that on May 31 he was an uninspiring 2-3. He then went 18-3 the rest of the way!! Of course, the rest of their team sucks pickles, but Santana can win two by himself. Can the Twins win one more? Tell ya the truth, I still kinda like the Yanks.
  • I can't see any way the Dodgers can win unless LaRussa's magical computer tells him to rest Pujols and Edmonds. St Louis has the second best 3-4-5 hitters in baseball, in Edmonds, Pujols, Rolen. The best, of course, is Anybody, Bonds, and Anybody. Although, to be fair, if it was Mother Teresa, Bonds, and Uncle Scoopy, we'd probably only be slightly better. On the other hand, Teresa and I never could turn the double play, so our defense might present some problems.

    Some years ago, Bill James was asked to name the most valuable baseball family (he wrote this before Barry Bonds turned into Superman). He said the answer was obvious: Babe and Claire Ruth, because Babe Ruth, by himself, was better than any total family of players - would you trade Babe for all the Alous or Boones or Delahantys? I doubt it! I guess James would now have to take a hard look at the Bonds boys, however.

  • My son asked me to name the most valuable player in the National League this year. The guys on ESPN say it can't be anyone but Bonds, despite the mammoth years from Beltre and Pujols, but I know the correct answer. Bonds is only the second-best choice. If the MVP is the one man who did the most to help his team win, the answer is obvious : Andy Pettitte. Oh, I know he only won six games and had to pull splinters out of his butt the whole season, but he talked his buddy Roger Clemens into unretiring and single-handledly pitching Houston into the post season. Since the Astros did not have to give anybody up to get Clemens, the Rocket's starts would have otherwise been taken by replacement-level pitchers, going maybe 11-11 instead of 18-4. That's seven games in the standings attributable solely to Pettite. Without Pettitte, the rest of them would now be watching on TV with the rest of us. I like the 'Stros if the Rocket is in top form. Braves otherwise.
  • The Red Sox have the best team in baseball for a short series, assuming Pedro is going to be the real Pedro, because Schilling and Pedro can start four games out of five, giving them the same short-series punch that the D-backs had a while back. Ortiz and Manny are almost as good as Pujols and Edmonds, and Pedro and Schilling are better than Anyone and Anyone, unless one of the other teams can sneak Randy Johnson and Jesus Christ into their uniforms. That would be hard to do. It's pretty difficult to disguise a 6'10" man. I think that would be a challenge even for such masters of disguise as Artemis Gordon and Bobby Valentine. As for Jesus, he can tuck his hair under a cap, but the fucking sandals always give him away.


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A clip and the trailer from Undertow: "Set in a contemporary South untouched by time, 'The Undertow' is a dramatic thriller about two brothers who run away from home to guard a secret following the death of their father and the arrival of their greedy, troubled uncle."


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The trailer Madagascar, a computer animated film starring the voices of Ben Stiller and Chris Rock: "This computer-animated comedy stars four civilized Central Park Zoo animals who have spent their entire lives in blissful captivity. But when they are unexpectedly shipped to Africa and get shipwrecked on the exotic island of Madagascar, these native New Yorkers must try to survive and come to terms with what it truly means to be 'wild'. "


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Rodney Dangerfield 1921-2004. This is where we would link to an obit, but Rodney would be upset if we gave him that much respect.


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The best way to remember Rodney - listen to some of his material at Rodney.com ...


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This is where I would link to Rodney Dangerfield's obit if Rodney rated enough respect to get an obit. With his club and his generous spirit, Rodney probably did as much as anyone in history to encourage talented young comics. Rodney owned me forever when I read about one Andy Kaufman show where the audience thought some typical Tony Clifton bit was horrifying and unfunny - but Rodney was backstage laughing so hard he almost choked.


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Senator Leahy gets a front row seat to watch his ol' pal Dick Cheney debate.
  • In fact, Leahy will get two seats, one in the first row and the one directly behind it in the second row, so he can fuck himself if requested.
  • Cheney was not amused by the seating chart. When asked about the seating arrangement by a reporter, Mr. Cheney breathed very heavily, and the reporter started choking. Then the reporter said, "Move along, Mr Vice-President. These are not the droids I was looking for."


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The Dems have their own October Surprise: "Fahrenheit 9/11" is out on DVD.
  • The good news: the deleted scenes include the famous midnight skinny-dipping scene with Denise Richards and Dick Cheney. You'll see why they don't call him Richard!!
  • Kidding aside, Moore withdrew his film from Oscar contention so he could broadcast it - the night before the election! (Is that legal?)


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John Lennon's killer denied parole


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The top haunted spots in the USA


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Very funny comedy piece: The fair and balanced Fox look at the Presidential debate (from the Bill Maher show)


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Blogger ldl said...

We came up with four reasons for four more years:
http://www.siglamag.com/greyarea/0410/FourMoreYears.php

and maybe we've been watching too much fox to come up with this anti-kerry tirade:

http://www.siglamag.com/features/0410/BushBashing.php

 

Great clip: Tommie Dreamer piledrives a wrestling chick and her boobs fall out.


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Anonymous Anonymous said...

Her name is Francine ( http://www.foreverfrancine.com )

Man those were the good old days of ECW Raven, Taz, Shane Douglas, Tommy Dreamer, The Pitbulls, The Elimators, Sabu, Rob van dam, Joey Styles and Terry Funk.

 

Wolverine to get his own movie. Jackman to star.


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Billy Bob Thornton says: "I think Shakespeare's overrated. It's bullshit.". And he's our top Elizabethan scholar here in Texas.


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Paris Hilton was booed off stage as she tried to launch a pop career.


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Michael Moore, director of the movie Farenheit 9/11, said Sunday that he was given a chance to use the same Rathergate documents, but that he rejected them for inclusion in his film because his staff did not believe they were authentic.


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A CRAFTY pooch escaped from his cage at Battersea Dogs' Home and then let out his pals so they could raid the food together.


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Now THESE are some weird-lookin' boobies


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PORN 101
. . . and more outrageous college courses parents MUST know about
(Weekly World News)


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SpaceShipOne Wins the X Prize: "Yesterday, however, the solely corporate SpaceShipOne soared 100 kilometers above the Earth for the second time in two weeks to claim the coveted $10 million dollar X-Prize put forward by Ansari to inspire private space flight development."


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