Friday, December 17, 2004

Accused robber makes bail with $50,000 in stolen cash. "NOT guilty, your honor"


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Dizzy Dean tribute department: Claudia Schiffer brain scan reveals nothing. Actually, the results were not revealed, only the fact that it was performed. "A hospital source said Claudia, in a long beige jacket and skirt, 'looked absolutely stunning'." (Huh?) I'm thinking when a woman needs a brain scan, her wardrobe might be of secondary importance, but I guess that's just crazy me. Personally, I think the scan will reveal that she has Schiffer brains.


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First good new picture of Paris Hilton in a long time. (She's naked, but basically unexposed.)


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Lindsay Lohan lip-synching video hits the internet!


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The sheer genius of encryption technology. New CD copy-lock technology nears market. "There are also additional data files on the CD that further enhance encryption. All of which is easily bypassed by simply holding down the shift button when you load the CD into a PC." Eventually some Norwegian kid will go to jail for pressing the shift key.


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Naked hockey chicks!


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Cassini gets an incredible picture of Saturn's moon, Dione


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Headline of the day: Homeless man compacted in garbage truck, escapes injury. He did find an excellent way to trim that waistline!


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Christmas shopping guide from ... The American Atheist Seasonal Books and Gifts


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Nets acquire Vince Carter. It was not cheap. They had to give up two first round picks, plus 'Zo and the Williams lads.


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Is good personal hygiene a recent invention? (Did the days of old really stink?)


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Busloads of Kids Visit Jackson's Neverland Ranch. Man, what a great gimmick for a child molester - a house that attracts busloads of kids. This got me to thinking if I could do something parallel to this that would attract similar quantities of nubile women. Maybe a "Dirty Dancing" theme park?


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Art-hating Aussie Philistines reject the sensitive, lovely, dream imagery of Japanese Octopus Porn. I know it's an old story, but we were due for a Japanese Octopus Porn link. In order to keep our Octoporn license we must make a quota that is strictly enforced by the JOPAN. (Japanese Octopus Porn Association of Nippon)


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Step Sideways, Sideways. Here's the REAL best film of the year, the haunting, symbolist drama, 1 Night in China. Who would have guessed that 2004 would produce not one but TWO masterpieces inspired by the everlasting emotions expressed by the precious dolls of Bunraku theater.


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Thoughts on demonic and other "audio images"


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Police Recover JFK Assassination Artifacts In Drug Raid: "A drug raid on a Dallas apartment unexpectedly turned up a stash of artifacts relating to the assassination of President John F. Kennedy. Police said the items appear to be authentic and apparently were taken from police archives several decades ago."


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Denise Richards is pregnant again. This one will be born only 15 months after the last one.


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Hitler was a tax dodger. " ... and such a painter! He could paint a whole apartment in one afternoon - two coats!" Ya know, given some of Hitler's other peccadilloes, the tax dodging thing doesn't really seem all that significant to me. It's kinda like saying Vlad the Impaler sometimes forgot to brush his teeth.


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The Top 10 Hoaxes and Urban Legends spread by the internet in 2004


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The trailer for In the Realms of the Unreal. : Another must-see for my list!! It has pretty much everything I need in a film except hat check girls and Bunraku dolls.
  • "'In the Realms of the Unreal,' an innovative feature length documentary, directed by Academy Award-winning filmmaker Jessica Yu and produced by Susan West, explores the parallel lives of legendary outsider artist Henry Darger. Reclusive janitor by day, visionary artist by night, Darger's 15,000 page novel details the exploits of the Vivian Girls, seven angelic sisters who lead a rebellion against godless, child-enslaving men. Featuring the voices of Dakota Fanning ('I Am Sam,' 'Dr. Seuss' The Cat in the Hat') and Larry Pine ('The Royal Tenenbaums,' 'The Ice Storm'), the music of Emmy-winning composer Jeff Beal and the work of a team of animators, this wholly original film tells the story of a hidden universe."


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The trailer for Purple Butterfly with Zhang Ziyi: "1928. Manchuria. Itami, a young Japanese man, falls deeply in love with Cynthia, a beautiful Chinese girl. Their brief happiness ends when he is called home for his military service and they are forced to part. Returning sorrowfully from the train station where she has bid her lover farewell, Cynthia witnesses her brother's bloody murder at the hands of Japanese right-wing extremists. Three years later, Shanghai has been unofficially occupied by Japan. The city is tense, rife with violence and barely contained anarchy. Cynthia - now known as Ding Hui - is working for Purple Butterfly, a resistance group planning to assassinate Yamamoto, head of the Japanese secret service. Itami is also in Shanghai, operating as a secret agent and reporting directly to Yamamoto. Arriving at Shanghai station to meet his fiancie, Szeto, a young Chinese man, is mistaken by the assembled resistance fighters for the assassin they have engaged to eliminate Yamamoto. Violence erupts and Szeto's fiancie is shot dead in the crossfire. Szeto escapes with the Purple Butterfly members, all of whom believe him to be the hired killer. Only Ding Hui realises the truth ... Thus three destinies are linked by chance, and three fates set in tragic motion."


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The trailer for Bright Future.
  • Now THIS sounds awesome! "Enigmatic Mamoru lives alone with his poisonous but hauntingly luminous jellyfish. These attractive loners sting whoever gets too close. Yuji, an emotionally unstable young man working at the same factory, is fascinated and influenced by Mamoru. When Mamoru is arrested for murdering his boss, Yuji is devoted to taking care of his jellyfish and, befriending Mamoru's father, he begins to open his eyes to reality."
  • That guy must be really good at raising jellyfish. I can get mine poisonous enough, but they are never "hauntingly luminous". The best I can do is "opalescent". Next time I'm going to spend the extra five bucks and get the optional "haunting enhancement" package.


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"Three contemporary stories inspired by the everlasting emotions expressed by the precious dolls of Bunraku theater. Three stories delicately intertwined by the beauty of sadness. Three stories of undying love." Before watching the trailer for this movie (Dolls), please be sure to check your hat, your common sense and, of course, your penis. Like most guys my age, I really miss hat-check girls. And the precious dolls of Bunraku. When I retire, I think I'm going to open up a Bunraku theater with a "no hats" policy.


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Here's the trailer and the first eight minutes of Sky Blue, an S/F dystopia film.


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Here's the trailer for "Color Me Kubrick", starring John Malkovich. Billed as a cinema verite comedy (huh?), "Colour Me Kubrick' is based on events during the shooting of "Eyes Wide Shut" in London from 1998-99, when a man pretending to be legendary director Stanley Kubrick got into many of the city's most exclusive parties, restaurants and nightclubs. Playing on his willing victims' star-struck desire to believe, he was successful despite bearing no resemblance to Kubrick.


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Here's the trailer for The Weather Man, Nic Cage's next project. "Popular Chicago weatherman, Dave Spritz (Nicholas Cage) has a shot at the big time when a national morning television show calls him for an audition. Professionally, Dave is on the top of the world, but his personal life is in complete disarray. The harder he tries to hold on, the more he loses his grip."


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Funny Videos - Lingerie Pillow Fight. What happens when a marketing department makes an internal video that has absolutely nothing to do with the client's product, but instead with two hot girls in lingerie pillow fighting, which of course is eventually leaked to the Internet, then becomes sponsored by the company?


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Three more pretentious clips from Andrew Lloyd Webber's Phantom of the Opera.
  • It could be so titled, with Webber's name included in the full title, to distinguish it from the Mickey Spillane version of Phantom of the Opera, which is bursting with "two-fisted action" and "trampy booze-swilling dames", but has really lousy songs.
  • Or, as an alternate theory, Webber's name is there to make it sound even MORE pretentious.


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Major global climate change may be happening - as a result of cyclical activity, not human behavior.
  • A team of scientists is finding numerous links between our time and a mysteriously similar period 5200 years ago.
  • This is interesting, but frankly I find it hard to believe "scientists" who mess up simple data. This glaciologist says, "“Something happened back at this time and it was monumental,” Thompson said. “But it didn’t seem monumental to humans then because there were only approximately 250 million people occupying the planet, compared to the 6.4 billion we now have." I guess a glaciology degree doesn't have a math requirement. The human population of the planet in 3200 BC is estimated to be about 14 million, not 250 million. Not bad, though, he's only off by 94%. When I read stuff like this, I always assume that his other conclusions are similarly accurate.
  • Obviously, his theories have not been peer-reviewed. His 250 million population estimate is off by about three thousand years (pretty close, again!). Several studies have estimated the world population at the time of Christ. Here are nine sources summarized, and all the estimates range from 170 million to 400 million.
  • So if his global climate change data is within the same mathematical error tolerance level as his population stats, we should be able to look forward to another three thousand worry-free years. Unfortunately, some of his warnings probably should be heeded, but whose going to listen to a guy who doesn't bother to look up simple facts?


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Here are about a bazillion clips from Scorsese's Howard Highes biopic, The Aviator.


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The trailer for Miss Congeniality 2: Armed and Fabulous. Because if ever a movie left unanswered questions, it was Miss Congeniality.


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Here's the trailer for The Upside of Anger: "Joan Allen stars as the sharp-witted Terry Wolfmeyer, a suburban wife and mother who is left to raise her four headstrong daughters when her husband unexpectedly disappears. Things get even more hectic when Terry falls for her neighbor Denny (Kevin Costner), a once-great baseball star turned radio DJ, and her daughters are forced to juggle their mom's romantic dilemmas as well as their own." It's difficult to apply the Scoopy Costner rule to this one (Costner plays a jock or a cowboy: good. Costner plays anything else: major suckitude.) Kevin plays an ex-jock, so it's hard to say which way it will go.


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Here is another completely different trailer for Elektra.


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Here's the trailer for the remake of The Pink Panther. Following Scoopy's Jean Reno rule (Reno wears sunglasses: good film. No sunglasses: major suckitude.), I think we can expect this puppy to highball in the fast lane to suck city.


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Urban Legends Reference Pages: "Phone cards are good gifts for U.S. soldiers" In general: very true, though the internet is filled with misinformation, as usual.


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The Daily Show looks at America's culture wars and another great Bushism "Justice ought to be fair" . (Man, I like The Daily Show, but I am so sick of that Ellen Degeneres ad with the rubber chicken.)


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The catfight between Hilary Duff and Lindsay Lohan is back on.


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Forget the fockin' Fockers. The premiere was all about The Barbra.


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Nicole Kidman says she is 'very excited' about fulfilling her long-held career dream to work with old pal Russell Crowe. The world's two most famous Aussies will be waltzing some Matilda together in Eucalyptus next year, a "very small" film adapted from Murray Ball's best-selling novel.


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Midway finds a clever way around the exclusive NFL/EA arrangement. They've based their new game on the fictional league in ESPN's Playmakers. The game permits a player to attempt excessive celebrations, dirty hits, off the field controversies, and more.


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Disgusting story of the day. Don't read this article (with some graphic details) if you're eating. A gay Mexican man killed his lover in a drunken, drugged fight then cooked the man's body in tomatoes and onions. Damned fool. Anyone knows human flesh goes better with basil.


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Why send e-mail when you can send pee-mail? (Hey, it's' pretty cute)


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Some of the best Star Trek Blooper Downloads


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What do taxidermists do with their spare parts?


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Murphy's Laws Site - All the laws of Murphy in one place.


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FamilyStyle Film Guide: Movie Reviews for Parents is another site like Screen-It in the sense that it tells you which movies have nudity and sex and violence so you can ... um ... avoid those movies. Yeah, avoid 'em, that's the ticket. This site may come in handy since Screen-It is migrating many of its archives into a subscription area, and also keeps the very newest reviews under lock and key.


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Those guys who did the "This Land if Your Land" video now have a Christmas video.


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Former US president Carter to monitor Palestinian elections. Yeah, those would-be do-badders won't be able to slip anything past him!


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Online Petition to Reverse The Exclusive Licensing from the NFL and NFLPA to EA Games. The submitter wrote: "Nice thought. With no competition, NFL games can only go downhill. But online petitions never work (unless you want to bring back a show from the WB) and all the NFL cares about is cold hard cash."


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Rupert Murdoch has agreed to buy the late Laurance Rockefeller's Fifth Avenue penthouse apartment for $44 million


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Hi-res of the Fantastic Four. Alba looks mah-vel-ous.


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Anna Kournikova and the history of celebrity/sports marriages.


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Pfizer says Celebrex shows increased heart attack risk in a study.: "Pfizer said Friday it suspended use of its popular arthritis painkiller Celebrex after the medicine showed more than double the risk of heart attack in a cancer-prevention trial. "


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Roman Catholic school officials have fired a nun who is accused of threatening to give a sixth-grader a knuckle sandwich. What kind of crazy world has this become when an old nun can't terrorize Catholic students? I weep for the new generation and those yet unborn.


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Nature on a rampage. First fire goes after Fire Marshall Bill. Now a fire destroys the 'Love Shack'


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#35 in our series of ... internet time-wasters for when you've been hitting the reefer.


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What women REALLY want from a man.


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The 10 worst mistakes women make when giving blowjobs


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Automatic ransom note generator - all you have to do is commit the crime (and do the time)


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'Survivor' Host Jeff Probst forms his own tribe with one of the contestants. He waited for a really cute one!


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Parents Go on Strike, Move to Front Yard


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Jim Carrey flung himself head first into crowds of fans and photographers at the premiere of his new film in London's Leicester Square.


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Jolly Walkers Clown Shoes


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The trailer for Sahara: "Based on a Clive Cussler bestseller, this modern action-adventure is the story of NUMA agent (National Underwater Marine Agency) and master explorer, Dirk Pitt (Matthew McConaughey), who discovers that thousands of North Africans are being driven mad by something polluting the water. If unchecked, the entire world population could be threatened." Cast: Matthew McConaughey, Penelope Cruz, Steve Zahn, William H. Macy, Lambert Wilson, Delroy Lindo


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Anonymous Anonymous said...

Yaaaaaaaaaaaawwwwwnnnn....
And no, I didn't read the book.
It's by Clive Cussler--why would I?

 

WATCH OUT, JEN! BEN'S PARTYING AGAIN


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Letterman's
Top Ten Unsexy Things That Sound Sexy When Said By America's Next Top Model


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DEMOCRATS EMBARK ON FACT-FINDING MISSION TO NASCAR. Ted Kennedy Leads Delegation on Historic Journey


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Weekly World News provides some holiday tips: BEST CHRISTMAS GIFTS YOU CAN GET YOUR ENEMIES!


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