Wednesday, December 22, 2004

No wonder they never found the Tomb of Jesus - it's in Japan!.


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From the Gay and Lesbian Online Shopping Mall Action Figues with Penises! Dude, no offense, but I think that He-Man guy should have had a different nickname. Skeletor? Hung like a Rhino!


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The gubernatorial race in Washington State keeps getting crazier.
  • The Dems now claim that their candidate won by eight votes, and they just got a favorable court ruling on some late ballots which are expected to expand that margin. The craziest thing is that the current governor remains the legal governor until a successor is certified, but he wants out on January 12th, which could leave the state with no governor at all.
  • If they need a temp, I think Gray Davis is available.
  • Now that I think about it, forget that suggestion. The "no governor" option is probably better than Davis.


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Here's the somber, loud, and extraordinarily self-important official site for The New World, that whole wacky Terrence Malick, Colin Farrell, Christian Bale, Pocahontas thing. Includes many stills, a trailer, and a bombastic sound track.


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Four pictures of Charlize as Aeon Flux


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The telephone industry will be all about television next year. TV over your home phone line. TV on your cell phone.


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The official site for MISS CONGENIALITY 2: ARMED AND FABULOUS. (trailer and poster)
  • Regis Philbin was the best thing in the trailer. I like Regis OK, and he is funny in this clip, but if you're making a movie and Regis is the highlight, you need to think about a new profession.
  • Writer Marc Lawrence has the ultimate specialty - he's Sandra Bullock's personal comedy writer. He's written exactly three scripts in the millennium - all of them Sandra Bullock comedies. In the case of that Bullock film with Hugh Grant, Mr. Lawrence also directed.


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Robert Blake's neighbors accuse him of being a poor actor.
  • Whoa. That's a crime? In California, of all places? No wonder their prisons are overcrowded.
  • And yet Greg Kinnear roams the streets, a free man.
  • I understand they have to maintain one whole prison just for the cast of Surviving Christmas.
  • If the Packers have any games in California, Bret Favre better hope the DA hasn't seen There's Something About Mary


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The trailer for Swimming Upstream. "Swimming Upstream tells the compelling and inspirational true story of Tony Fingleton, a young man from a troubled family who found the inner strength to become a champion. Based on Anthony Fingleton's novel of the same name and set in 1950s Brisbane, Australia, Swimming Upstream stars Jesse Spencer as Tony, a young man who beats the odds to become a champion swimmer in spite of his overbearing, alcoholic father (Geoffrey Rush) and long-suffering but quietly heroic mother (Judy Davis). Overshadowed in his father's eyes by his brothers, it's only when Tony displays an extraordinary swimming talent that he feels he has a shot at winning his father's heart - and maybe even Olympic gold."


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Dodgers pull out of Randy Johnson trade.


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Jesus of the Week


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Baseball writers t-t-talkin' about the Hall


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Mexican city bans indoor nudity: "tramples on the rights of the citizens by taking laughable measures such as contemplating penalties for citizens who walk around nude inside their houses."


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Justice Department lawyers are seeking judicial permission to destroy about 63,000 copies of the controversial 'Ghettopoly' board game, which has been criticized as a racist takeoff on the classic 'Monopoly.


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Jacko's Thriller video, re-enacted with Legos. My God, is there nothing Legos can't do? If Gilligan had been marooned with a few Lego kits, the professor could have built a full sized 747.


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Rumor says Uma will replace Kidman in The Producers


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Intelligence Reform: Statement by the President Prior to Signing Legislation Improving America's Defenditude Through Sweeping Ensmartenizing of the Intelligenciary


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That compassionate Capt. Hawkeye Pierce? An evil villain?


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Madonna burst into a profane tirade in front of a group of children during rehearsals for her 1991 Oscar appearance. Ah, what the hell. After reading the story I pre-ordered the book. Sounds like my kind of stuff.


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A fight broke out in a New York nightclub after a man accidentally doused Bjork with ice. You'd think that wouldn't bother her much. It was probably just a tribute. After all, she is from ICEland.


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Pamelamania. Lots of pics of our favorite surgically-enhanced Canadian MILF.


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For those of you with WAY too much time on your hands, cast your vote for the Playmate of the Year.


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Rumor #1: The next Electronic Arts football game will not feature the likeness or name of John Madden.


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Say what? Stan Lee's POW! Entertainment and Celebrities in Action will turn celebrities into animated superheroes. So if they make Affleck a superhero - let's call him Jawman - will Ben Affleck have to play the part in the film adaptation, or could it be played by someone else? I suggest Edward Burns, unless he and Affleck are actually the same guy.


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Mr. Marcus XXXmas Party Set For Wednesday Night. Gosh, here it is Wednesday, and my invitation wasn't in today's mail. Just a clerical error, I suppose.


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GALLUP: Public's Evaluation of Iraq War Grows More Negative


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The submitter wrote: "Yeah, I have a thing for Fear Factor girls. "Megan" was a contestant on the $1 Million couples show. She will also be featured in the Feb 2005 issue of the Bunny Mag along with other Fear Factor Girls" The page includes two topless pictures.


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Twenty 'offbeat' stories which offered an insight into human nature in 2004. ... "offbeat stories which offered an insight into human nature" is the official news euphemism for "fucked up shit"


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Letterman's
"Top Ten Signs You're Not The Most Popular Guy In Your High School, presented by Napoleon Dynamite"


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REVENGE IS SWEET... HOW TO GET EVEN WITH AN EX!


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The Weekend Warrior says it's Meet the Fockers all the way. I reckon he's right. The fact that the movie bites the big one will have no impact on the first weekend, because its predecessor was a $166 million Box Office smash, so it has a built in audience and is opening on 3500 screens. The second weekend? That might be a different story.


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This week's movies: Darkness - 40% positive reviews. Horror movie of the haunted house variety, starring Anna Paquin and Lena Olin. Some genre buffs liked it, but it will get minimal distribution.


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This week's movies: The Life Aquatic with Steve Zissou - 48% positive reviews.
  • "Why is it that so many people think this filmmaker is the voice of their generation? Is their generation that vacuous?"


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This week's movies: Andrew Lloyd Webber's Phantom of the Opera -43% positive reviews. Still no reviews for the competing Mickey Spillane version.
  • "On the boards 'The Phantom of the Opera' was bloated kitsch; now, thanks to Schumacher, it's hysterically bloated kitsch."
  • "The screen version of Andrew Lloyd Webber's musical lacks both authentic romance and the thrill of memorable spectacle."
  • "Like overpriced costume jewelry, this tasteless, soulless contraption is sure to appeal to anyone who owns Celine Dion and Meatloaf albums."


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Trivial Pursuit - the all Saturday Night Live version.


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This week's movies: Meet the Fockers - 31% positive reviews. I guess you could have predicted that from the trailer, which induced cringes. If those were some highlights, you can imagine what the low points are like.


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Roger Ebert's 10 Best Films of 2004. As usual, he includes an assortment of big and small, domestic and foreign. I was disappointed to see him leave Eternal Sunshine off the list, but very pleased to see him list the immensely entertaining, passionate, and informative (but low budget) Baadasssss! The page also includes Roger's ten worst films of 2004, and all of his old lists dating back to the Jurassic period. I was relieved to see Dogville make his ten worst list. It would have made mine as well.


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This week's movies: Fat Albert -17% positive reviews.


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This week's movies: The Aviator - 86%. Martin Scorsese's Howard Hughes biopic. General critical consensus: maybe not his best movie, but probably his most entertaining.


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