Monday, December 27, 2004

STRANDED TRAVELERS INFORMED THAT AIRLINE DOES NOT EXIST. Non-existent Spokesman Apologizes to Thousands


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Here are the final official figures for the Weekend Box Office of December 24-26, tracking 89 films.


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A cocky bittorrent site in Sweden says "fuck you" to all legal threats from movie and record companies. So far they have gotten away with it, and have published all their correspondence. Here is my favorite exchange:
  • "Also please note that making this email public or ridiculing it will result in immediate legal action and we are also contacting RipeNCC for suspension." (I don't know the background, but obviously there must be a European law against ridiculing lawyers, kind of like those French laws against ridiculing homosexuals.)
  • "You have scored 10 out of 10 points on our Legal Threats Entertainment scale. You win the grand prize: A lifetime of ridicule on our legal threats section! Congratulations!"



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Our kind of retrospective - 2004: The Year In See-Through Dresses


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The arrival of a tidal wave is caught on a poolside camera at a resort.


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Drug companies issue "Michael Moore alert".


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The death toll from the southern Asia earthquake rose dramatically today, with some reports estimating that 23,700 people had died in the resulting tidal waves


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Weekly World News: "WHY MEN WITH POT-BELLIES TURN WOMEN ON". "most ladies prefer a portly boyfriend with a protruding gut, because it suggests that the man could care less about superficial issues, such as health and personal hygiene, which affords him more time to lavish attention on his mate."


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George Carlin in rehab after 'too much wine and Vicodin"


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Official 2004 White House Christmas Card: Divine Season's Greetings from America's Divinely-appointed Royal Dynasty (whitehouse.org)


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This week's theater counts. There are no new movies in wide release this week. The ones linked below all have good reviews, but they are being released in a few theaters in NY and LA solely for the purpose of obtaining Oscar eligibility in 2004. Among the carry-over films, I think there will be some screens available - those currently playing the widely released megabomb, The Flight of the Phoenix - but at this point I'm not sure exactly which films will get those screens.


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This week's movies: The Woodsman - 82% positive reviews


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This week's movies: In Good Company - 75% positive reviews.


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This week's movies: A Love Song for Bobby Long - 69% positive reviews.


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This week's movies: The Assassination of Richard Nixon - 71% positive reviews.


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This week's movies: William Shakespeare's The Merchant of Venice - 75% positive reviews.


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Facts about The Magi.
  • There is no reason to believe they were three in number, except that three gifts were mentioned. Christian art from the first centuries of the Church shows various numbers of Magi, ranging from 2 to 8. The Eastern Church assumes 12. It could have been one rich guy with both gold and frankincense, and several poor guys with nothing but myrrh. Perhaps the Bethlehem gift shop was having a big after Christmas markdown on myrrh.
  • There is absolutely no reason to believe they were kings, and there is good reason to believe they were actually priests and astrologers. At the time of the birth of Jesus, the Magi were an ancient priestly caste dwelling within the Parthian empire. In fact, the New English Bible translates the passage as "after the birth astrologers from the east arrived" No early church father held the Magi to be kings.
  • The three names we have given them were simply made up as a folk tale in the 5th or 6th century.
  • There is no reason to picture them as representing three different races of man. They were probably all from the Middle East! The Parthian Empire was centered in modern day Iran.
  • There is no reason to believe they visited a newborn in a stable at the time of Christ's birth. The bible says "when they were come into the house, they saw the young child with Mary his mother". They came into a house, not a stable, and they saw a young child, not a baby.


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Year 2004 was the most expensive ever for the insurance industry in coping worldwide with weather-related natural disasters. And that sentence was written before the disastrous earthquakes and flooding in Asia.


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Jet Li is missing after the big Earthquake in Asia. "He was on holiday in the Maldives-islands with his wife and children. His manager tried to get in contact with Li after the tsunamis destroyed most of those islands but can't get hold of him. He's officially on the missing persons-list for the Maldives."


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Anonymous Anonymous said...

I this an actual news article? or one of those borowitz report type satires?

 

The Mushroom Girls Virus Book. Who knew that mushrooms were sexy?


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"Are you interested in offering quality Holy Water in your home-town?" A lot of churches are offering second-rate Holy Water. This firm offers "the most aseptic Holy Water in the entire world", real, purified Viennese Holy Water.


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Astronomy Pic o' the Day - Andromeda's Core


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BRAWL ERUPTS AT REINDEER GAMES. Rudolph Suspended for Season


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