Thursday, December 30, 2004

The Homosexual Handshake Exposed!


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Are there any men more desperate than frog rustlers? How do you prove the missing frogs are yours? It's hard to brand those little guys. (Actually the missing frog was on a totem pole.)


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The legendary bandleader Artie Shaw dies. Talk about the last of the Mohicans. I had no idea any of those Big Band guys were still alive. He must have set some kind of record by having lived in retirement for fifty years!! His wives included Lana Turner and Ava Gardner.


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The patent office - mathematical formula to determine and filter pornographic images.


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Bosses become Big Brother with technology.


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Drugs replace porn in spam central's nucleus


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A series of unfortunate payrolls. Looking at the Yankees of the future. How long until they get Santana?


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Anna Nicole Smith loses $88.5 million ruling on appeal.


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Did animals' 'sixth sense' save them from tsunami?


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You lost your penis? You think penises grow on trees? ... Oh.


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The world's greatest card stacker


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"Don't do that. Do you think penises grow on trees?" " ... Well ... yeah ..."


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The trailer for next summer's big blockbuster, Head-On:
  • "A marriage of convenience in Hamburg between two troubled Turks changes both their lives in this fine, gritty, contemporary German love story. Director Fatih Akin dives deep into Turkish culture and explores the slippery slope of identity and cultural pride faced by Turks who either move to or are born in Germany. Winner of the Golden Bear at the Berlin International Film Festival."


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The trailer for The Ballad of Jack and Rose .
  • Well, it stars Daniel Day-Lewis, so you can bet it will be some light hearted fun! Probably a stoner comedy.
  • Yup, I was right. Here's the official description: "The intense relationship between a dying man (Daniel Day Lewis) and his teenage daughter is tested when a woman (Catherine Keener) and her two sons move into their home." Good times! Only one thing. Kevin Kline must have signed a contract waiver, because he has the right of first refusal on all bravely dying guys and/or nobly suffering gay guys.
  • Curiosity: the cast also includes the master thespian, Jason Lee himself. How does he fit in with the intense relationship/dying motif?


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2004 at the Box Office: Fantasy, superheroes and Jesus.


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Ashlee Simpson says she can burp the alphabet.
  • Astoundingly, she is only the number two alphabet-burper in her family. "Jessica burps the alphabet better than me. She has better wind and she is a much louder belcher."


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PARIS HILTON VOWS TO BE MORE ANNOYING IN 2005. Takes Aim at Britney's "Most Annoying" Crown.


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Snow has fallen over the United Arab Emirates for the first time ever.


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The world's only Virgin Mary toasted sandwich maker. "It's a breakfast miracle - every day! Holy Mary, Mother of Toast for the whole family! Why buy Virgin Mary toasted sandwiches at $28,000 a pop, when you can buy this and have a guaranteed apparition on every grilled cheese sandwich. This is a real working item. The sandwiches are real, they were made tonight in my kitchen. The photos have not been enhanced."


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Sharon Osbourne is selling her LA mansion - because Simon Cowell is moving in next door.


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New Year's Superstitions


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USA Today: Pop culture lessons learned in 2004.


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Paris and Nicole talk about The Simple Life 3.
  • Paris Hilton joins Ken Jennings on the list of those with well more than 15 minutes of fame. I'm starting to form a theory that the length of fame in the 21st century is related to IQ. Your minutes of fame may be calculated by taking one third of the difference between your IQ and 100. Thus, you are entitled to more than 15 minutes if your IQ is above 145 or below 55. This is tentatively called the theory of Lisa and Jessica Simpson. The bad news for us: Anna Nicole Smith still has a LOT more minutes left.


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"... during the Middle Ages, historian Daniel Boorstin notes, maps often had east on top--whence the expression 'to orient.'"


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Is It Rolling Bob? - A Reggae Tribute To Bob Dylan


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Top 10 New Year's Sex Resolutions


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For bachelorette, wedding parties or showers: The Provocative Pinata


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Will there be a Dodgeball 2?


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Weekly World News: "FOR PEOPLE ON THE GO...MAN HAS TOILET IN HIS CAR" What's more, the man lives in Stinkmore, Indiana!


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M81 and M82 - a fascinating pair of galaxies


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