Wednesday, January 26, 2005

The Encyclopedia of Fake Bands.


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The official 'Star Wars' website has released the opening crawl already for Star Wars: Episode III Revenge of the Sith


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Going against the grain in courting the young cocktail crowd, beermaker Anheuser-Busch Cos. is launching a new 'brew' to go head-to-head with classic mixed drinks - traditional suds spiked with caffeine, fruit flavoring, herbal guarana and ginseng."


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The Daily Show asks "How would our already-stretched forces handle an invasion of Iran?"


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First look at a trailer for Deuce Bigalow: European Gigolo


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Irish genealogists say: President Bush is a direct descendent of Norman nobleman Richard 'Strongbow,' who led the invasion of Ireland in the 12th century. Apparently his family is genetically predisposed to invade countries starting with "Ir"


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How can you not love a headline that reads: "Eva Longoria's kinky sex games"


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I love technology. Two teachers were caught having sex in a college gym by pupils who filmed the romp on camera phones.


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Terrell Owens' doctor said Tuesday he will not give the All-Pro receiver clearance to play in the Super Bowl. (Owens may still play)


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For people with too much time on yourt hands - pi10k - Converting the first 10,000 digits of pi into a musical sequence


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The Kent family farm, Superman's home in rural Kansas, will be filmed in Breeza, Australia, wherever the hell that is. "Pre-production sources believe that in the semi-sequel to the first two Superman films, the classic hero returns to Earth after having been missing for six long years and what he finds astounds him. The world he knew has changed for the worse. In his absence the forces of evil have regrouped like never before."


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Has Homer Simpson been to Czechoslovakia?


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Man-made island photographed from space. This would make a hell of a Rorschach Test.


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Proof that scientist have WAY too much free time: the effects of drug consumption on a spider's web-spinning ability.


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How to turn office supplies into deadly weapons.


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$1 million treasure hunt hidden in the pages of a fairy tale. So you think it's a candy-ass way to sell books? I remind you that Shakespeare himself would never have sold a single copy of Coriolanus without the free bumper stickers: "Let thy geese honk if thou doth love iambic pentameter", and Will's own favorite, "Playwrights do it with a bigger quill".


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Looking for a Super Bowl snack? How about Janet Jackson Breast Cupcakes?


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retroCRUSH: THE ULTIMATE CALVIN and HOBBES SNOWMAN TRIBUTE.


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Another review for Alone In The Dark. I can see why they didn't want critics to see this in advance! I still want to know how a movie like this gets theatrical distribution.
  • "Movies this unthinkably bad, so purely inept on every level—writing, directing, acting, technically—arrive on a rarer basis than viewers might believe."
  • "If so-bad-it's-funny is your cup of tea, then the countless inadequacies of "Alone in the Dark" may well become the subject of college drinking games across the globe. This is jaw-dropping, awe-inspiring, "I-can't-believe-someone-made-this-crap" badness we're dealing with. Guffawing laughter is the only possible response to be met with the end credits. "
  • "If Ed Wood, that notorious filmmaker of "Plan Nine From Outer Space" and "Glen or Glenda," is Uwe Boll's primary inspiration, then he is succeeding in spades with his career trajectory."


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50 Cent's rap translated into "white"


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Dueling Banjos 2005


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High-school romances untangled. This is the actual map of the high school love connections we mentioned yesterday.


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This week's films, continued. I mentioned yesterday that nobody had reviewed this film, which will inexplicably appear in 2100 theaters Friday, so here is FilmJerk's Review of Alone in the Dark.
  • "An unpleasant, ugly, and hilariously amateurish production, “Dark” proves further that this guy doesn’t belong behind a camera. Or even in the same room as one for that matter."
  • "Tara Reid (playing, get this, a museum curator)"
  • Rating: F


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Five clips from The Wedding Date, a romantic comedy with Debra Messing and Dermot Mulroney.


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