Thursday, February 24, 2005

EBay Sued in California Over Bidding Practices


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Actor Tom Sizemore was told on Thursday to either beat his addiction to methamphetamine or die from it. Prosecutors said Sizemore, 43, had failed court-imposed drug testing seven times this month alone --- and he's living in a drug treatment center!!!


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Claim: R&B singer Ciara was once a man. Status: False.


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Tom Cruise set up a scientology tent on the set of War of the Worlds. Science fiction and scientology? Should they be together? I mean, one of them is completely fabricated nonsense suitable only for amusement.


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A preview of Chris Rock's Oscar riffs. It turns out that David Spade is NOT helping Chris write material. It seems that rumor was started by ... anybody? ... anybody? ... Bueller?


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Tired of seeing all those same actresses win the awards? Judy Dench, step aside. Next years best actress could be .... Vinny Barbarino.


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The Colorado Legislature in action: "'If you try that again, I'll ram my fist up your ass,' Republican Bill Cadman told his Democratic colleague, Val Vigil, at Vigil's desk during the morning session". The headline writer for ther Rocky Mountain News wrote "Bottom line: A crack in decorum. Rumpus on floor of Colorado House comes to a bitter end."


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Two new clips from the presumed 2005 Oscar winner, D.E.B.S. Get this - it's a T&A film rated PG-13.


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Moviefone: Into the Blue Movie Trailer Premiere - stars Jessica Alba in a bikini. "'Into the Blue' is a high-stakes thriller set in the deep, shark-infested waters of the Bahamas. When young divers discover the wreckage of a cargo plane at the bottom of the sea, they believe their dream of buried treasure has come true. What they don't realize is that millions of dollars of illegal goods are in that sunken plane and a group of dangerous criminals are already desperately searching for it. As tensions mount and the friends begin to fight about what to do with their find, others get closer to discovering their secret - and the treasure hunters quickly become the hunted."


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Here is the trailer for the new IMAX film - Sharks 3D. Sharks? IMAX? 3D? Wow. This is probably the closest you will ever get to experiencing a live feeding frenzy, unless you have had lunch with Charles Barkley.


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The full trailer for the remake of The Amityville Horror. You can officially add Ryan Reynolds to the list of very funny guys who refuse to be funny because they want to be, as Louis DePalma would say, "great ac-TORS."


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J.Lo admits that she is, in fact, married. In an unexpected twist, she also admitted her singing sucks and she continued with "what is the deal with my butt, anyway? Damn thing is so big and so riddled with cellulite that Brian Dennehy keeps trying to claim it."


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MILLIONS OF FRENCHMEN CELEBRATE END TO ‘FREEDOM FRIES’ Cries of ‘Vive Bush!’ Heard Throughout Paris
  • "I was angry at President Bush for invading Iraq," said accordion player Fernand Daubigny, 37. "But this more than makes up for it."
  • According to a new survey, Mr. Bush garnered a whopping 92% approval rating in France, compared to 89% for singer Edith Piaf and 84% for actor Jerry Lewis.


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Letterman's Top Ten Messages Left On Paris Hilton's Cell Phone
  • 10. "You probably don't remember me, but we had sex about 3 weeks ago."
  • 6. "It's Bill Clinton. I've been meaning to call you for some time."
  • 5. "Hey it's Pauly Shore--thanks for getting my name in the newspaper."
  • 4. "Sorry I missed you, you must be at work...just kidding."
  • 2. "You have a collect call from Dave Letterman, will you accept?"


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Bookies have stopped taking bets on Jamie Foxx winning the best actor Oscar for Ray. A spokesman for Ladbrokes said: 'There's no point betting when he's almost a certainty.'"


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Tom Arnold will be the new James Bond! OK, kidding again. I hope they name the new Bond soon, because I'm running out of silly alternative candidates. The real story linked here: James Bond faces castration in the new movie.


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Twenty one short films that have nothing to do with Glenn Gould: Gushing cunts 1-21. Don't miss #21, which brings all the plot threads back together, and explains why the murdered lawyer's hair was wet.

SPOILER ALERT:

It involves a gushing cunt.

END SPOILER


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The Daily Show shows how to continue your e-mail after the Rapture.


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Some crazy bastards make a flamethrower with a squirt gun and windshield wiper fluid. (It works remarkably well.)


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eBay offer of the day: Custom made Wheelchair Snow Plow


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"Whether you are on a hiking trip, day trip, athletic event, between classes, or at a board meeting, the BananaBunker will keep your fruit safe until you are ready to snack."


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VIDEO: "Coast guard training that doesn't quite go as planned."


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I didn't know that! Thanks to a reader for pointing out that Christian Slater's mother-in-law is Dayle Haddon, former actress (North Dallas Forty), SI swimsuit cover model, and Hef pictorial person


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Why Payton Manning's younger brother isn't as effective.


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Another positive report from an advance screening of the Adam Sandler remake of The Longest Yard. The linked website asks the right question: "Could this movie be fun or are all the reviews we've been getting over the last couple of months plants?"


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Paris Hilton update: Topless Paris Hilton lesbian pictures posted on the web do not mean she likes girls that way. After her last home porno tape cae out, she said she didn't like sex. I know one thing she does like: seeing her name in print.


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Mad scientist Jeb Bush and his brain in a bottle.


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Time traveler brings back magazine from the future: 'Hell Freezes Over. Cubs Win 2105 World Series.' For some reason, the Magazine Publishers Association believes that there will still be magazines in the future.


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GALLUP: Hillary Clinton's Gender Advantage. Overall, Senator Clinton has a neutral perception among men (48 positive, 48 negative), but carries a +21 margin among females of voting age. It is not known precisely how this would translate into votes.


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Entrepreneur is making a go of the Rejection Hotline. My ex-wife had a girlfriend who worked as a flight attendant, and she always gave persistent assholes the phone number of her local dial-a-prayer.


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Star: "10 THINGS YOU NEVER KNEW ABOUT HILARY SWANK" The most surprising: she speaks fluent Phoenician, although she doesn't know what she is saying.


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Minghella announces his umpteenth remake of The English Patient. He is still deciding which war to place this one within. His decision will hinge on the availability of uniforms. Just kidding. Unbelievably enough, the plot doesn't sound at all like The Cold, Patient English Mountain.


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Weekly World News: "NYPD PINK!
Plan to change color of NY cop uniforms to project a kinder, gentler image."


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Ski Enceladus - one of Saturn's moons is like a giant snowball


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Movie star Christian Slater has filed for divorce from Ryan Haddon, his wife of five years


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Astronomers find a galaxy without stars. It does have cheese shops, but they don't ... Anyone? Anyone? Bueller?


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Possible spoilers: Well, if you care about such stuff, here's 80 frames and just about the whole story of the new STAR WARS flick.


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Tom Cruise with his new love, the lady The Sun calls Sofia Viagra.


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