Thursday, March 17, 2005

Lots of new pics from Kingdom of Heaven, Ridley Scott's epic about the Crusaders.


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More pics of naked chicks showing their tits to Prince Chuck.


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Showing blatant disregard for the U.S. Constitution, a jury convicted a celebrity. Rapper Lil' Kim Convicted of Perjury. She may be facing several years of prison time.


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Emboldened by the Li'l Kim conviction, justice-crazed prosecutors are considering whether to file criminal charges against singer Paula Abdul (news) for an alleged hit-and-run freeway accident last December.


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In a blatant disregard of the U.S. Constitution, a celebrity was convicted of something. Rapper Lil' Kim Convicted of Perjury. She may be facing several years of prison time.


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The teaser from Ice Age 2: The Meltdown


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Four clips from The Perfect Man. (PG rated romantic comedy with Hilary Duff, Heather Locklear, and Mr. Big.)


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Borowitz: "Condoleezza Rice praised President Gen. Pervez Musharraf for leading his nation on the road to democracy, saying that Pakistan is now more democratic than either Florida or Ohio."
  • "Elsewhere, an attorney for Saddam Hussein said that the former Iraqi dictator wanted to be tried by a jury of Robert Blake’s peers."


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The Daily Show's Rob Corddry reports from this month's trial of the century


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The Daily Show's Ed Helms examines the size of George Bush's testicles in relation to his policy decisions.


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Here's some tips for you youngsters, especially psychopathic youngsters.The gallery of torture devices.


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Jon Stewart discusses the World Bank nomination.


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Home Shopping guy demonstrates a sword's sharpness, with unfortunatre results.


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Shoulder Mounted Rearview Mirror
  • "Always getting in trouble at work for goofing off? Then take a look at B.S.L Labs' Shoulder Mounted Rearview Mirror. Perfect for cubicle monkeys who are forced to sit with their back to the general public."


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You and I are too late. The Time Machine from the Year 2239 has been sold at e-bay. But unlike you, I have a plan.
  1. Find the plans for the time machine
  2. Build one of my own
  3. travel back in time to March 12th at 19:34:42
  4. outbid the Golden Palace Casino by one cent with one second left to go on the auction!
  5. control of all time and space is mine. Mua-ha-ha-ha
  6. profit


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Of you really love "The O.C.", the New York Observer wrote about a ten page term paper about it.


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If you have a mere $105,000 on your hands, you can buy Pedro's house from Napoleon Dynamite. Only one catch: it's in Preston Idaho.


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Ashley Judd is now writing a basketball column for the Lexington Herald-Leader. And there was much rejoicing from Rick Majerus. This column is some bizarre stuff, weaving South African apartheid into a thread of "moving well without the ball." She even manages to work in the fact that she WAS wearing panties at the Oscars that year. Hell. she could write this page, and you'd never know I was gone.


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Various video clips from the Rock and Roll Hall of Fame 2005 ceremony.


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Listen to Beck's new album online


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Publishers seek the next phenomenon of "DaVinci Code" magnitude.


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Weekly World News: "HEY LADIES! NOW YOU CAN ... HOOK YOUR WAY TO RICHES "Ladies, are you tired of casting envious glances at hookers who drive fancy cars and make megabucks just by lying on their backs all day? Well, fret no more. By using this exclusive guide to the oldest profession you can learn how to become a successful lady of the night and earn up to $500,000 a year . . . tax-free! "


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Letterman's "Top Ten Signs Your Team Won't Be Winning The NCAA Basketball Championship"
  • 7. Instead of drinking Gatorade, team uses timeouts to moisturize.
  • 5. The scorekeeper doesn't bother to turn on your half of the scoreboard.
  • 4. In your region: North Carolina, Duke and the '98 Chicago Bulls.
  • 2. Team refuses to attend game beacuse they don't want to miss a new episode of The George Lopez Show.



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Joss Whedon will write and direct a new Wonder Woman film. (He's the guy who created Buffy the Vampire Slayer, in both its TV and earlier film incarnations.)


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Two clips from Guess Who? (This is the one where Kutcher visits the parents of his black girlfriend - a role-reversed remake of Guess Who's Coming to Dinner?)


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Nine clips from Miss Congeniality 2: Armed and Fabulous


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An ad for high-speed wireless modems, featuring an Al Gore impersonator.


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A mess o' pics from High Tension.
  • "Marie and Alexia are schoolmates and best friends. Hoping to prepare for their college exams in peace and quiet, they decide to spend a weekend in the country at Alexia's parents' secluded farmhouse. But in the dead of night, a stranger knocks on the front door. And with the first swing of his knife, the girls' idyllic weekend turns into an endless night of terror"


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A mess o' new pics from Crash
  • A Brentwood housewife and her DA husband. A Persian store owner. Two police detectives who are also lovers. A black television director and his wife. A Mexican locksmith. Two car-jackers. A rookie cop. Tony Fucking Danza. A middle-aged Korean couple… They all live in Los Angeles. And in the next 36 hours, they will all collide…


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Prosecutor Says Lil' Kim Thinks She Is Above The Law. It's a case where both sides have good points. He's right. She does think she's above the law. And she's right. She is above the law. She's a celebrity, dammit.


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Naked Dan the Handyman. I wondered if Naked Dan was the only nude notary in the world. Not at all. A google search for "nude notary" (in quotes) yields 1,270 hits.


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The South Park tribute site now has made available the March 16th episode featuring Cartman against his mortal enemies, the hippies.


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Swank to fight charges in New Zealand court. OK. We know that she really did bring the fruit into N.Z., and the article tells us that "'No lawyers for Ms Swank will be present and she's not going to appear." So what, precisely, are her grounds for protesting the fine? I can only assume that her defense is that no law could possibly apply to her, for she is a celebrity. The O.J. Rule.


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Eight clips and five featurettes for Steamboy
  • A retro science-fiction epic set in Victorian England, "Steamboy" features an inventor prodigy named Ra Stim who receives a mysterious metal ball containing a new form of energy capable of powering an entire nation. This young boy must use it to fight evil, redeem his family, and save London from destruction. The lush Victorian interiors and the elegance of the era's mechanical design allows Otomo to create dazzling visual backgrounds and machines for this film. With more than 180,000 drawings and 400 CG cuts, "Steamboy" is sure to be one of the most elaborate animated features of 2005.


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Five clips and a new featurette for The Ring Two.


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The trailer for Rock School.
  • "First time feature documentary filmmaker Don Argott traces the ups-and-downs of the Paul Green School of Rock Music, a unique institution founded in Philadelphia in 1999, dedicated to teaching children ages nine through 17 the ins-and-outs of rock and roll."


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The trailer for The Holy Girl (La Nina Santa)
  • "The Holy Girl" (La Niña Santa) explores the burgeoning sexuality and religious fervor of two teenage girls, Amalia and her best friend, Josefina. Artfully piecing together a mosaic of nuanced details, fragments of sounds, and small moments, Lucrecia Martel creates a potent and specific portrait of adolescent life. Understanding the temptation of good - and the evil it causes - "The Holy Girl" delicately explores themes of sin, frustration and desire.


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A Flesh-and-Blood "Family Guy"? Yup, a "theatrical stage production of the animated comedy titled Family Guy Live!"


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Jon Stewart helps prove why the New York Post is good reading material for when you're in the crapper.


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Daily Show: Karen Hughes is nominated to the post of undersecretary of "making people like us."


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