Friday, April 15, 2005

Paris Hilton has announced that Kimberly Stewart, daughter of Rod Stewart, is her new co-star for The Simple Life 4, replacing Nicole Richie.


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The Amityville Horror - based on a true story or an urban legend?


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Hey, Napoleon Dynamite - now THAT's a liger. Nothing magical about him, though. He's 12 feet long. He weighs 900 pounds. Although twice the size of a big lion, his strength is proportionate to a lions, and he can run as fast as a tiger (50 mph). You do NOT want this guy mad at you.


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Sony has acquired Tokyo Suckerpunch as a starring vehicle for Tobey Maguire.
  • "It's the story of Billy Chaka, who writes a column that casts him as macho hero living in a surreal, amped-up Tokyo. When his book gets turned into a movie, Chaka flies to the city for the premiere and hates it enough to clash loudly with the director, who ends up murdered"


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Weekly World News: "BAD NEWS FOR HORNY GUYS & GALS . . . IRS TO TAX SEX"


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Spell your name with naked people


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Magnifying glass game. Submitter wrote, "Remember as a kid, getting a magnifying glass and focusing a beam of sunlight on ants and literally burning them up with sunlight? Ever wonder what would happen if the ants could get their revenge for the genocide inflicted on them young boys everywhere? This little game shows what that revenge would be like! Very fun! Be sure and get the truck."


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Most obscure news item of the week: "Some lobsters have developed hairballs after eating chunks of cowhide"


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Letterman's "Top Ten Signs Your Accountant Doesn't Give A Damn Anymore - as Read By Ten Area Accountants"


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What happens when webmasters take acid?


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Outlaw Biker Name Generator v2.0
  • "Be a Hog-riding outlaw and kill your enemies! All you need is a good one-percenter name, and soon everyone will cringe in terror"
  • I came out Ol' Ironhorse, which is amazing because it didn't know I was a Texan. (In Texas, every man's name is required by law to begin with Ol'. Even the mainstream newspapers refer to the President as Ol' Dubya - as in "Ol' Dubya sure 'nuff mopped up them towelheads something fierce.")


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Homeless man receives suped-up shopping cart.
  • "The cart features a manual can crusher, an AM/FM stereo-cassette player, a color LCD television, a GPS satellite tracking device, a remote controlled alarm, effect lighting, driving lights, a refrigerator/heater, pull-out seating, and even a fold away tent."


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Battle Pope
  • "Creators Robert Kirkman and Tony Moore combine Rambo and South Park in a hilarious, politically incorrect four-issue mini-series. Set just after Judgment Day, Battle Pope portrays an unorthodox (and heavily armed) pope who must make amends for his sin-filled life by single-handedly fighting the legions of darkness. Featuring appearances by everyone from Bruce Lee to Jesus Christ, this comic features something to offend and amuse everyone."


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Bush isn't sexy. I guess that's why so many women trim it now. Oh, wait! They're talking about the President.


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Play the "Martin Short is Lame Game". How long could that last?
  • Alleged comedians Martin Short and Tom Green are engaged in a catfight demonstrating a level of wit unseen since Shaw and Wilde stood toe to toe.


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Star Wars line - fans of Star Wars line up for tickets - in 360 degree panorama


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Daily Show: Great Moments in Punditry: Hannity vs. Sylvester
  • "If they don't stop their namecalling, at least one pundit is getting a time-out!"


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Jon Stewart talks to John P. Avlon, author of "Independent Nation: How the Vital Center Is Changing American Politics."


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The Daily Show: "On a surprise visit to Iraq, Rumsfeld receives a floral welcome from a young Iraqi."


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Jude Law and Sienna Miller have reportedly tied the knot in a secret ceremony.


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Britain's Prince Harry fails basic computer test at army college.
  • Hey, he could have passed it if he had been allowed to ask his butler for help. What does he need a computer for? The rest of us have to Ask Jeeves via computer. He just turns directly to Jeeves and asks the sumbitch.
  • Why the hell do you think the English brought in so many smart guys from India? It was so the British upper classes wouldn't have to bother with all this menial computer shit.


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"Christian Schools Use Faith-Based Cheerleading Camps"


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'The Wedding Singer' Transformed Into a Broadway Musical


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My favorite gullible newspaper, the Guardian, reports: "In more than half of Nike's factories, employees worked more than 60 hours a day."


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NFL Tries to Stop Spread of Vick's Alias
  • "The NFL is trying to stop the spread of Ron Mexico. Since that name was listed as an alias for Atlanta Falcons quarterback Michael Vick in a lawsuit filed last month, a number of people have gone to the NFL's online store to order Vick's No. 7 replica jersey with a personalized "MEXICO" on the back."


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STICK UP, NEW YORK! Large collection of stickers and posters found around New York


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See how the various Reps voted on the Bankrupcy bill. Sortable by many different factors.


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"The world's only known whale-dolphin mix has given birth to a playful female calf, officials at Sea Life Park Hawaii said Thursday." The mother is half false killer whale and half Atlantic Bottlenose - born 19 years ago after a surprise coupling between a 14-foot, 2,000-pound false killer whale and a 6- foot, 400-pound dolphin.


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Scalia has no comment to question about whether he slips it in Mrs Scalia's bumhole. The justice replied that the question was unworthy of an answer, which is the way hypocrites and sleazebags say "yes", since they would just say "no" proudly if it were the truthful answer.


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Abstinence only - a celebration of non-penetration.


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Two new "webisodes" for the Lords of Dogtown


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Man Confesses 'It Was Kind Of Fun' Killing Neighbor


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BRITNEY'S HUSBAND REPRODUCING AT AN ALARMING RATE
  • Two days after pop tart Britney Spears announced that she was pregnant with her first child, environmental experts around the globe warned that Ms. Spears’ husband, Kevin Federline, is reproducing at an alarming rate.


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Conan does his comedy spring cleaning.


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Gwyneth Paltrow says her memory has gone since she had a baby. It can't be that bad. She remembered having the baby.


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Nicole Kidman thrilled fans as she attended the UK premiere of her latest film The Interpreter. Nicole is pretty, but she's really challenging Rose McGowan for the official Zonker Harris/George Hamilton tanning award.


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Jacko denies he is selling his Beatles music catalog


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A stretch limo made from a Mini Cooper!!


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A collection of "Owned" videos set to music.


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The Church Sign Generator .... go to their home page to make your own sign like this, or change to any of several other styles.


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Today in Uncle Scoopy's Guest House: Téa Leoni in Spanglish. Hey, so it wasn't intentional nudity. It still counts.


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