Friday, April 22, 2005

Cute stuffed animals perform the final scene from Se7en


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Pope Benny Hex elected in a landslide. "possibly rallying an impressive 100 out of 115 votes, Italy's La Repubblica has reported." In the first ballot, Benny Hex got some 40 votes with the same number of ballots going to Italy's Cardinal Carlo Maria "Vodka" Martini. When the later balloting went against him, Martini was shaken, but not stirred.


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Cops Nab Woman, Say Wendy's Finger a Hoax. They also arrested her on another charge unrelated to the Wendy's incident.


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King's Ransom - going for a perfect zero at RT. I don't think any film has pulled it off since Benigni's Pinocchio.


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Here is a great question for the next edition of Trivial Pursuit. Who is the best-selling comedy recording artist of all time?


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Cher is the eighth best Armenian athlete of all time.


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A serious website with a silly title: "The Cardinal Ratzinger Fan Club." Sure, I admit it, I joined the Benny Hex Fan Club. It's a "hell" of a deal. The decoder ring alone was worth the price of the dues, and as a member of the Junior Pontiffs team, I will be officially infallible for 14 seconds on the 11th of September. The only thing I didn't like - I decoded my first Latin message from the Vatican TV broadcast, and the Pope said "Semper emo Ovaltinum"


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This may be fixed by the time you get there, but ... The new Pope looks familiar. Wikipedia's picture of Benny Hex is actually Emperor Palpatine!


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Scientists find an unusually complete and well-preserved skeleton of a fossil whale - in the Egyptian desert. Still no sign of a Confederate ship.


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Spring Break Fun on the Texas Gulf Coast


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A LAP-DANCING club boss today revealed he had to axe male stripper acts at his club because the women were too rowdy and 'disrespectful'.


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First look: Nic Cage in Ghost Rider. He has to ride the hell cycle mighty slow in order to keep the wig from blowing off.


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The rich are different, said F.Scott Fitzgerald. For example, this lad's high school problems are somewhat different from the ones I experienced. A 17 year-old high school student faked the theft of his BMW in order to collect insurance money to upgrade to a Bentley.


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Ladies, before you date that hunky guy you met last night, read the 10 vital signs that will reveal if he's a STUD or a DUD in bed. "The list was compiled from a dozen different American and European studies of male sexual behavior and was edited by Weekly World News' own crack medical reporting team." And I think we all know the rigorous screening required for membership in the WWN Medical Reporting Society.


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The trailer for Ma Mere
  • My kind of film - rated NC-17 for "strong and aberrant sexual content," yet also pretentious and self-consciously arty. YESSSSSSSSSSSSSS! Tarkovsky meets Ron Jeremy.
  • "'Ma Mere' takes place in the Canary Islands, where the film's family shares a home. The mother (Isabelle Huppert) and her teenaged son Pierre (Louis Garrel), a pious Catholic back from boarding school, discuss his father's infidelity; the next they hear, he is dead in a car crash. Mom launches into a wild series of parties, gradually involving her son in her drugging, drinking and sex-fuelled nights out.

    When she mysteriously goes away, her son is left in the care of her mistress and an icy blonde sadist with whom he falls in love. As the film evolves, we realize that this is a period of initiation for the young man until his mother can return and fully bring him to sexual maturity and adulthood.


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The Turnpike Prank: Avoiding Tolls On The Massachusetts Turnpike


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Three supreme justices deny that the judiciary is running amok, then they hog-tied and tattooed Tim Russert and trashed the NBC studio.


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Virgin Mary on Chicago Highway: Lynne Cheney's Remarks to Christian Faithful Gathered at Roadside Shrine to Holy Likeness of a Cavernous Yawning Vagina (Even nastier than the usual article from WHITEHOUSE.ORG)


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Jon Stewart reports that one hundred eighty-five percent of Americans are overweight.


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Ocean's Twelve wins the weekly DVD "rental box office" by a landslide
  • . DVD rentals can't be predicted directly from the box office. For example, Sideways and Elektra are virtually identical performers in the rental market. They came out on DVD the same week and have produced the same results. But Sideways was an acclaimed film with a respectable $53m box office, and Elektra was a $23m flop.
  • Look down the list for some crazy surprises. Fligyht of the Phoenix has been a solid rental hit with $28m - compared to a $16m box office.


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Movies for the PSP are selling well.


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The Squooshy Pineapple is a site that re-captions news photographs. Some of them are very funny.


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For those of you with too much time on your hands - try building elaborate towers out of coins.


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Whoa! A bunch of pictures of Kelly Cuoco wearing a flimsy shirt, no bra. ("8 Simple Rules ...")


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Universal's Summer movie preview!


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Natalie Portman update ...


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Remember the woman who claimed she found a finger in her bowl of Wendy's chili? I reckon it was all bullshit. She's a professional litigant anyway, and in this case the police have hauled her away kicking and screaming. They will provide details of the investigation and arrest at a press conference Friday.


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First look: 'Superman Returns'


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The required high school reading book that's all wrong. James Agee died two years before his novel, "A Death in the Family," was published in 1957. He never lived to see the book win the Pulitzer Prize in 1958. He never even approved its final form. Now Agee scholar Michael Lofaro says that "A Death in the Family" was pulled together by a misguided editor whose final version does not match Agee's intentions.


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Brad Pitt and J-Lo top 'best butts' poll


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