Saturday, April 30, 2005

Here's some unseen footage from Revenge of the Sith in the video for "A Hero Falls"


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The worst ways to start a eulogy ... examples ...
  • “In a way I blame myself. But not to the extent the authorities do.”
  • “We all know there’s nothing funny about suicide. But darn it if Pepito the Clown didn’t try to prove us wrong.”


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Borowitz: BIN LADEN SURFACES; WAS ON THE RUN FROM WEDDING FOR PAST FOUR YEARS
  • In an interview with reporters, the tearful madman admitted that the pressures of planning a formal wedding with over 200 terrorist guests caused him to crack under pressure. “I know this isn’t a good excuse, but catering a wedding that size in an underground cave was a logistical nightmare,” he said.


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'Housewives' Star Huffman Wins at Tribeca : "'Desperate Housewives' star Felicity Huffman won the best actress award at the Tribeca Film Festival Saturday for 'Transamerica,' in which she plays a preoperative transsexual woman on a cross-country road trip. "


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Letterman's "Top Ten Signs You're At A Bad Casino"


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"Softball coach Monte Sherrill was suspended by the school for two games after his team, which is ranked fourth in the nation by USA Today, beat West Charlotte, 55-0, in just two innings".
  • A few years back, I was coaching a woman's softball team in a tournament game with a 60 minute time limit. If time runs out with the visiting team batting, they get to finish their half inning. If they are then ahead, the home team gets to bat once more as well. Our team batted first in one game, batted around for more than an hour, sent about 50 women to the plate, scored forty something runs. Since time was already up, the other team was entitled to one inning to try to match us, but they refused to take their at bats and called us poor sports. Which means we won a game in which the other team never batted at all! Of course, we didn't consider any lead safe since this was slo-pitch softball, in which twenty run innings are not rare, and 100 run games are possible. There was once a 50-12 world series game in the American Professional Slow Pitch League.


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Tara Reid - did she get some lipo to go with her boob job?


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To hell with ligers, Napoleon, here's a tigron. Cute little bugger.
  • A lioness mates with a tiger to produce a tigron (tigon). They are prone to dwarfism. When a tigress mates with a lion, it produces a liger, and they are prone to giantism. Mnemonic: when hybrid species are created, the male animal forms the first part of the name of the new species. If it starts with li- , daddy's a lion, etc.


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Some Balk at Naming Texas Highway After Willie Nelson.
  • " ... two Republican senators, Steve Odgen of Bryan and Jeff Wentworth of San Antonio, said they didn't want Nelson's name on the road that crosses their districts, citing the musician's fondness for drinking and smoking, and active campaigning for Democratic candidates."
  • Texas would never allow anything important to be named after such a person, said the two senators in their press conference at the Lyndon Johnson Library and Museum.


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Daytime TV Soap Writer William Bell Dies . I'm shocked, shocked to discover that those things have writers.


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Anonymous Anonymous said...

How do we know it's not his evil twin?

 


Blogger Uncle Scoopy said...

==
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VERY good question!!
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Paris to marry Paris? In Paris, perhaps?


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Mariah Carey is planning to turn her 1994 Merry Christmas album into a Broadway musical. Springtime for Herod? "No, no, only the singing Magi here! The dancing Magi are on Stage Seven."


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Friday Box Office: Hitchhiker's Guide does well, but XXX seems to be in trouble
  • XXX took in substantially less per screen than last week's leader, The Interpreter.
  • Kung Fu Hustle just hasn't clicked with American audiences, despite great reviews and solid results elsewhere in the world. It dropped a precipitous 60% from last Friday. (The other two films from last week, The Interpreter and A Lot Like Love, dropped "normal" amounts - 41% and 38% respectively.)


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Redfaced professor made up scary story!
  • Did you read about the professor with the stolen laptop who tried to get it back with his wacko scare stories about how it was filled with corporate secrets and top secret government data, and therefore every law enforcement officer in the world was looking for it? Well, both he and the university have admitted the story was bogus (which, of course, was obvious in the first place).
  • This was truly an amazing story, because the claims he made could be seen as evidently false by any bright ten year old, and yet he is a professor in some areas of advanced biology. It's not surprising that he was ignorant, because nobody can be expected to know everything about everything, but it is surprising that he was simply too dumb to realize how ignorant he was! He could have constructed a plausible story if he had contacted somebody in the computer science department, but he simply didn't bother.
  • Of course, the funniest thing about the story is that one person knew for sure that the professor's story was false - the kid who stole the laptop! So how was the prof expecting the crazy story to get any results? I can only guess that he was hoping to scare some "third party" into talking - perhaps a student who knew about the theft but had not done it personally.
  • The professor's wild-eyed claims also included a statement that he knew who the thief was {cough}, which was obvious crap since if his entire story had been true, the government would not have delayed in recovering crucial secret data.
  • In fact, some experts pointed out that if the professor's claims had been true, he might have been exposing himself to some serious legal problems by admitting that he had left key secrets sitting around unencrypted on a laptop. It was fortunate for him that the claims were lies!
  • "As I speak James Bond, several SWAT teams, John Ashcroft, and Baby Jesus are sitting in my office debating whether to send the thief to Gitmo, or directly to the electric chair for stealing my laptop, which has a million dollars worth of secret tracking devices on it, designed to protect data worth a zillion-jillion dollars and also vital to world peace, the defense of the United States, and the future of the human race. Unfortunately, I left this key information on a cafeteria table unattended."
  • Also interesting to me is the fact that ABC first reported the fact that his claims were exaggerated, then deleted the story! "In fact a University spokesman told ABC that Rine had indeed made the whole thing up to scare the student into handing over the laptop. The story has for some reason now been pulled from the ABC site." The mystery deepens!


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Dead Porn Stars (how, when, how old, etc.)


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Today is the 60th anniversary of The Death of Hitler. Here is an account of the final days. Note that there is no regret or contrition in his final political testament, written the day before he died. Instead of mellowing near death as people are often wont to do, he may even have increased the hate and lies a bit for the self-justification of his "deathbed proclamation."


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NEWSBREAKERS "When News Breaks, We Bust It."


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A third clip from the skateboarding drama, Lords of Dogtown


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Here's a new clip from Will Ferrell's Kicking & Screaming


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Six clips from House of Wax. There is also a brief featurette in which the cast of 'House of Wax' discusses working with Paris Hilton and her "bright future in film."


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Steak For Sex?: "He didn't have any money. But police say that didn't stop Wayne Glaude, 22, from soliciting sex from an undercover officer Thursday night. Instead, police said, he offered steak."


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Greg Maddux wins the battle of the 300 game winners.
  • Such a match-up has not occured in the NL since 1892, and there is some speculation that it may never happen again after these guys retire. The current structure of the game works against anyone accumulating 300 wins.
  • It happened in the AL several times in the mid 80s, when there were a bunch of 300 guys around: Sutton, Seaver, Niekro, Carlton


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Lots of trivial information about Jeff Gannon's extraordinary access to the White House


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Katie Holmes is a virgin?
  • "What seems more shocking than the age difference is the virginity issue ... Holmes, who has been dubbed Hollywood's 'mild child', has said that she's actually saving herself for Mr. Right and there'll be no sex before marriage."


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Anonymous Anonymous said...

These days kids have all kinds of "outs" - oral doesn't count, anal still means you're a virgin, some think as long as you're wearing a condom, then technically there's no contact!

 

PETA Targets Jennifer Lopez Film Premiere
  • Oh, no, Brer Bear, don't target my film premiere. Please don't give me all that free publicity.


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Urban Legend: Johnnie Cochran's tombstone. Verdict: incredibly false. (Believing this legend requires one to assume Johnnie's name is misspelled on his tombstone!) I'm not sure why Snopes felt that this one was worth taking seriously, but ...


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Screensavers for the hot new movies: Batman, Hitchhiker, Sith, more ...


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Cruise is "more than enamored" with Katie.
  • Say what? How much "more" is there? OED defines "to be enamoured" as "to be in love."
  • Keep your eye on this girl. If she has stock shares, this is the time to "buy." The Cruise romance could be the major career breakthrough for Katie. Although she's been an internet fave and a surrogate girlfriend for about half of a generation, her career had stalled. Combine a top spot in all the tabloids with a summer role in Batman Begins, and she's an A-list star if everything works out right.
  • Do you remember how Hurley first became a megastar? She was an obscure model/actress and Hugh Grant's long-term girlfriend when Hugh got into trouble with that hooker in L.A. Instead of dumping Grant, Hurley clung to him 24/7, always dressed and groomed to the nines. Grant was photographed constantly for about a month, and there in every photo was Hurley, advertising her impressive face and figure to the world. Soon, she was the #1 cover girl and had a big cosmetics contract. Keep your eyes open, because the Hurley phenomenon will (or should) happen to Katie in the next six months.
  • By the way, I don't mean to imply that Katie is dating Cruise for the career boost, or that the studios have cooked it all up to promote War of the Worlds and Batman Begins. I suppose those are possibilities, but I'd rather think that she has found her dream guy and the career boost is just a serendipitous corollary.


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Firefox: Fifty Million Downloads. (They have a counter in real time. At the time I checked, it was 50,182,943, not including "ugprades.")


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A UK firm has made a PC that gets electric power via a network cable rather than through a wall socket.


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Star Wars - say no to dope. (Late Night skit)


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Conan O'Brien goes hi-def.


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Conan O'Brien introduces some of the new state quarters.


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Headline of the day: Peruvian frogs saved from blender. "Officials in Peru have saved about 5,000 frogs from being liquidized and turned into a popular drink with supposed aphrodisiac qualities." Boy this pisses me off. Without my daily bottle of Dr. Frogger ©, I'm going to have to cut back to two women per day.


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A fire that covered 667 acres starts because hiker set fire to used toilet paper; Fire chief says: "They teach them in hiking club not to leave garbage behind"


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Letterman's "Top Ten Thoughts Going Through President Bush's Mind As He Held Hands With the Saudi"


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Beautiful Body Paintings, with lots of nudity as a plus.


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Anonymous Anonymous said...

I recognize at least one of these pix. She wasn't "painted" in the version I know.

Makes me wonder how many of them were Photoshop-ed, and how many were actually painted bodies.

 

"The Assassin" is a Star Wars fan film which takes place just before the original Star Wars film


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