Wednesday, May 11, 2005

Entertainment Weekly reports: Comedy Central star Dave Chappelle has checked himself into a mental health facility


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eBay item AMERICAN IDOL'S COREY CLARK & PAULA ABDUL appear on toast!!!!! Another Hollywood breakup! No longer sharing same toast.


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The late Mitch Hedberg was supposed to be the next Seinfeld. He died almost unnoticed, the same week as the pope and Johnnie Cochran. (Includes some comedy clips)


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'Home Alone' star Macaulay Culkin denounced the molestation allegations against Michael Jackson as 'absolutely ridiculous'


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Here comes the no-frills laptop: $200. The Linux-based computer is expected to be available commercially in India within three months. It can't handle high powered apps or games, but includes software for basic office applications, e-mail, internet browser, music, and movies.


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Ten things Michael Jackson loves. I wouldn't touch that set-up with a ten foot pole. Not even with an eleven foot czech. OK, maybe with a twelve foot serb, but no promises.


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The Daily Show: Run Forest, Run! The White House shows its independence from the powerful photosynthesis lobby.


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Who would win the World Cup of baseball?
  • Here is the team the Dominican Republic could field: 2B Alfonso Soriano, SS Miguel Tejada, 1B Albert Pujols, DH David Ortiz, CF Vladimir Guerrero, RF Sammy Sosa, 3B Aramis Ramirez, LF Manny Ramirez C Miguel Olivo P Pedro Martinez
  • That team could beat just about any other team you could draft! If you were picking a team from scratch, they have five of the guys you would choose: center, second, short, DH, and first. They are so good that except for catcher, Sammy Sosa is their weak link! If you figure their proper line-up, you'll see that Sammy will end up batting sixth!
  • Sorry - Ivan Rodriguez is Puerto Rican, but the D.R. seems to have the other positions covered!
  • Their back-up third baseman would be Adrian Beltre; their back-up left fielder, Jose Guillen.
  • In real life, the winner of the tournament would be determined by the game frequency. The USA has all the pitching depth. If the teams have to play three games in three days, then the D.R. would be screwed. I assume they would start Colon against a weak Canada team in round one, saving Pedro for the tougher Puerto Rican team. Assuming they get through those two, they would have to depend on Odalis Perez to pitch the finals. On the other hand, if the tournament is played in a format that requires only one game per weekend, with Pedro pitching every game, they would be mighty tough to beat.


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Fantastic Four Movie Official Site - very impressive!. The new Fantastic Four TV spot and the new online game are hidden in the official web site. Choose your language, get the main page, then hit the F4 button on your computer for the "Van Doom archives." Another note: the wallpaper of Alba ... Fantastic.


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Things That Don't Exist


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Lotto winner's first purchase? Big boobs for her sisters.


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Speaking of Other Crap - Police in Milwaukee performed an unreasonable search and seizure when they forced a man to take laxatives for several hours until they recovered a baggie of heroin he swallowed, a state appeals court ruled Tuesday.


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KIDMAN: 'PREGNANCY WOULD GIVE ME THE BREASTS I LONG FOR'


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Culkin to testify for Jacko Wednesday


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The Philadelphia Eagles will not renegotiate the contract of star wide receiver Terrell Owens


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Chinese basketballer Sun Ming Ming is 7'8" and weighs 360 pounds. And he wants to be a center, now that his jockey career is over.


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CASEY CHAOS SEXUALLY ASSAULTED BY ANNA NICOLE SMITH (With strange picture)


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eBay item - Subliminal CD To Turn Your Spouse into a Sex Slave


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Thailand's Ministry of the Obvious warned teens: injecting penises with olive oil to boost the size could cause misshaped members and even permanent erections.
  • Thai youngsters were reluctant to believe the warning until they heard the dramatic first-hand testimonial from a former Democratic President of the USA.
  • Now you know why Jimmy Carter always wears baggy pants.


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Quentin Tarantino agreed to direct the CSI: Crime Scene Investigation season finale in part so he could test the waters for doing a TV show of his own, tentatively titled "Everyone hates Raymond and wants to sodomize him and cut off his head with a ceremonial sword"


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Jessica Simpson, Hilary Swank, Billy Bob Thornton and Lindsay Lohan will present gongs at this year's MTV Movie Awards. I used to make fun of the MTV awards, but I've revised my opinion. While the actual awards are meaningless, the award show is the only one of its ilk that is consistently fun to watch.


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Homer Simpson's dream comes true.
  • "The entire load of beer was spilled, creating what one police officer described as a 'sea of beer' ... this is the busiest stretch of highway in North America."



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In New York City, a Scrappy Local Newspaper Struggles For Survival


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Official Transcript of Closed Door Meeting Between President Bush and Totally-Bestest-Pal-Who's-Not-Just-A-KGB-Hatchet-Man President Vladimir Pooty-Poot - (WHITEHOUSE.ORG)


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Minister starts 'CHURCH OF GEORGE W. BUSH'
  • The holy man declared: "Look at the evidence: Bush didn't even win the election in 2000, and yet God found a way to put him in office. Plus, Bush is infallible. He's been asked a number of times to name something he's done wrong, and he can't think of a single thing."


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Weekly World News: "NEW STUDY PROVES... WATCHING NASCAR MAKES YOU SMARTER!"


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More King Tut news. Facial Reconstruction shows he was actually Barbra Streisand.


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The world record golf drive is held by Jack Hamm, who in 1996 launched a ball 1,012 yards on the east runway at the Stapleton International Airport in Denver. Mr. Hamm also holds the Guinness World Record for the longest carry of a golf ball, 458 yards at Highlands Ranch, Colorado.


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Why can't we decipher Indus script?


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Warhol's 'Liz' sells for $12.6 million at Sotheby's


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Canadian food alert- Cock may be full of nuts. "Consumption of the Cock product may cause a serious or life-threatening reaction in persons with allergies to nuts." What's the news? When I used to visit Toronto, Canadian women always said this to me.


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Conan schemes to improve his ratings by giving away lottery winnings


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Conan shares some of the tricks he uses during sweeps week. This is funny. Another show is remaking The Wizard of Oz with Muppet characters during sweeps week, so Conan's team plans to rip off the general concept and remake The Triumph of the Will with Teletubbies.


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Conan and Max have a contest to make up New York Post headlines


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A new featurette about the making of Ron Howard's Cinderella Man.


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The trailer from Hustle and Flow
  • With help from his friends, a Memphis pimp in a mid-life crisis attempts to become a successful rapper. Talk about mismatched buddies: Terrence Dashon Howard and DJ Qualls, together at last. (You may not know his name, but Howard is one of the most distinguished and versatile black actors, a real talent, a star-in-waiting who usually plays intense roles where his outward calm hides deep emotions. DJ Qualls is the underweight nerdy guy from Road Trip. What a team they make!)


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Borowitz: DERBY WINNER LAUNCHES FRAGRANCE ... Horse-based Scent Hits Cosmetic Counters Friday


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King Tut died of gangrene caused by a broken leg: "Egyptian scientists have finally lifted the veil of mystery surrounding famed pharaoh Tutankhamun's death, saying he died of a swift attack of gangrene after breaking his leg. "


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Today in Uncle Scoopy's Guest House: The Life Aquatic With Steve Zissou. Robyn Cohen did another topless scene and it appears in the "deleted scenes" - that gives her five completely separate topless scenes in the same movie.


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