Monday, May 16, 2005

URL says it all: KillAComputer.com


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The most impressive use of MSPaint ever


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Vicente Fox 'regrets' remark that Mexicans take jobs "that not even blacks want to do". What? Like point guard?


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Pitt: Reasons for Aniston Split 'Complex' . They just wanted different things. For example, he wanted to cram his dick down Jolie's throat a few hours per day. Of course every other straight guy also wants that, but Brad Pitt can actually do it. I hate that guy.


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A clip from the new French genre film, High Tension. My kind of film: "Rated R for graphic bloody killings, terror, sexual content and language." What, no adult situations?


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The trailer from Manderlay, the second installment in Lars von Trier's "Land of Opportunities" trilogy.


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The trailer from Kiss Kiss, Bang Bang
  • In "Kiss Kiss, Bang Bang," a breezy take on Shane Black's trademark buddy action/comedy oeuvre, a petty thief (Robert Downey Jr.) is brought to Los Angeles for an unlikely audition and finds himself in the middle of a murder investigation along with his high school dream girl (Michelle Monaghan) and a detective (Val Kilmer) who has been training him for his upcoming role.


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The trailer and a clip from A History of Violence, a thriller from director David Cronenberg
  • 'A History of Violence' stars Viggo Mortensen as a pillar of a small town community who runs a diner and lives a happy and quiet life with his wife (Maria Bello) and two children. But their lives are forever changed when Mortensen thwarts an attempted robbery and is lauded as a hero by the media, attracting the attention of some mobsters (William Hurt and Ed Harris) who believe he is someone else."


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Bill Murray has had enough of acting for now and wants mow his lawn, maybe get rid of those pesky gophers while he's at it.


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RUNAWAY BRIDE STRAYS INTO WHITE HOUSE AIR SPACE ... President Unharmed


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Final episode of 'Raymond' draws a rating of zero. Turns out everyone hated the sumbitch. All kidding aside, Raymond got laid in the final episode.


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Robin Williams settles with his impersonator


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Bison Bill's Weird West - "nude photo" of Mrs Wyatt Earp


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Jerry Layne - Ventriloquial Figure Maker.


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Crack Easter eggs for secret DVD treats on recent discs


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Security cam catches girl shoplifting cigars ... in an unusual way. Let's just say that the only way they could nab her is by hiring Bill Clinton to do their security.


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Anonymous Anonymous said...

*cough*bullshit

Totally staged. Nice zoom on the "security camera".

 


Anonymous Anonymous said...

At first I thought it might have been staged, as a comic scene in a porno or something. However, the first cigar she bent and tried to straighten it before putting it back. That's a kind of detail few scriptwriters in that field would think of including. Their security must have extensive pat downs if the only place an employee can hide stolen goods is in orifices!

 

Dictator of the Month - Featuring World Dictators since 1900


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JoBlo reports on George Romero's Land of the Dead (Well, part of it, anyway)


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URL says it all: thehorsepoopguy.com


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A German inventor claims to have created the world's most sophisticated robot sex doll.
  • The sex androids developed by aircraft mechanic Michael Harriman from Nuremberg have 'hearts' that beat harder during sex. They also breathe harder and have internal heaters to raise the body temperature - but their feet stay cold 'just like in real life', according to Harriman. He said: 'They are almost impossible to distinguish from the real thing, but I am still developing improvements and I will only be happy when what I have is better than the real thing.'


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BATMAN BEGINS - new TV spot


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Various clips, trailers, and features about Madagascar, the new animated film from DreamWorks


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The Japanese trailer for New Police Story, Jackie Chan's latest.
  • "There's not enough whisky in the world to drown the sorrows of Inspector Wing. Once he was Hong Kong's finest cop. Now, he's just a sad drunken mess. How did it come to this? One year earlier. A band of young thieves takes down a large bank. When the police arrives on the scene, the robbers shoot them down in cold blood. Inspector Wing's elite unit is put on the case. Acting on a tip, they storm the thieves' hideout. They’re stepping right intro a trap. The place is a labyrinth, rigged as a giant video game. Wing must watch helplessly as, one by one, his team is brutally slaughtered by the audacious gangsters. The present. Young cop Frank convinces Wing to clean up his act and return to the force, so that he can finish the case he started. The thieves are still at large. This is about to change, as Inspector Wing and his new partner gear up for the final round of a very dangerous game."


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Weekly World News: "BUSH WANTS TO SELL HAWAII! Say aloha to the Aloha State to raise cash for the war on terror


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Natalie Portman says she prefers being bald. I'm not sure how reliable that is, since she was standing next to Samuel L while extolling the beauty of baldness.


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Looks like Jessica Simpson is available again. She has been seen "hooking up" with Fred Durst and swimming with Charlie the Chicken.


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From the off the wall department, except actually on the wall. URL does say it all - except "why?" secretwalltattoos.com


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Finally - an item worth reading in the food section: The worst foods to eat over a keyboard.


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eBay item - ADVERTISE ON MY 3RD BREAST - Golden advertising opp. So far, the bidding is all the way up to a buck and a half!


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Want to make $52 per hour? (That's more than a hundred large per year.) Join the fast-paced world of condom-skimming.


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Which actor are you? It told me I was Bill Murray.


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Anonymous The Earl Crown Affair said...

It told me I was Daniel Day Lewis. I was expecting Alan Arkin.

 


Anonymous Anonymous said...

I'm Rick James bitch!

 


Anonymous Anonymous said...

Tobey Maguire for me which lowers my self image a bit.

 


Anonymous retired-emcee said...

I'm most like Morgan Freeman!!! Kick ass!

 


Anonymous Anonymous said...

Oh man,

I got Jim Carrey!!!

 


Blogger Uncle Scoopy said...

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Now that would be funny if it actually said. "You're Rick James, bitch."
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Anonymous Sparks said...

John Cleese. In addition to being flattered, I think I'm going to Silly Walk wherever I go for the rest of the day.

 


Anonymous Anonymous said...

I'm Bill Murray and therefore Uncle Scoopy. Weird world, huh?

 

First review: Charlie and the Chocolate Factory (Not positive at all)


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The Miss Universe Pageant on Yahoo - swimsuit poses (Click "forward" for several more.)


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Tomorrow is Norway's 100th birthday. Oslo was once my home, and I have to admit there's a lump in my throat.


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Howard Johnson's last EIGHT restaurants ride into the twilight


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Lindsay Lohan to co-star in a Robert Altman movie written by Garrison Keillor. Of course, the "co-star" in an Altman movie may have about five lines. I have to say that the premise has NOT whetted my appetite for this film, but I guess I'll keep an open mind.


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Star Wars: Revenge of the Sith - a journal from The Filthy Critic's nephew.


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Jake Gyllenhaal dating Lindsay Lohan?
  • "Gyllenhaal, 24, was earlier in the week spotted kissing Maria Full of Grace actress Catalina Sandino Moreno before apparently moving onto Freaky Friday star Lohan."
  • Earlier in the WEEK? My hat is off to Jake. This man is my god.


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POLL: Zeta "has the perfect body"


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Back in Ann Coulter's Ass-Saddle Again: "She began huffing and grunting like a cow having a seizure. I could hear her strumming her clitoris like Earl Scruggs picking out Foggy Mountain Breakdown on the banjo. "


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Urban Legend: "President Eisenhower once noted that 'a few Texas oil millionaires' wanted to 'abolish social security.'" Status : True. He went on to say, "Their number is negligible and they are stupid."


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What is it like to drive through the city at nearly the speed of light? Quiet a bit like a movie from 1969.


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"The National Toothpick Holder Collectors Society is open to anyone interested in the collection, research and preservation of toothpick holders" ... who also has twenty bucks.
  • In fact, forget the interest in toothpick holders. Just send the double sawbuck, and you're in.
  • It's a membership card you'll display proudly in your wallet, right next to your American Express Black Card, your Mensa card, and your membership in the Very Large Penis Society.
  • I'd like to say I have those, but the only things in my wallet are my Captain Midnight Decoder and my partially filled punch card for a free order of toast at Denny's.


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Complete wrap-up of the Tribeca Film Festival


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Europeans hail Star Wars as brilliant anti-Bush diatribe!
  • I personally consider it the best anti-Bush kiddie film since Winnie the Pooh and the Blustery Day, although the Bush Administration parallels are quite strong in Air Bud 4: Seventh Inning Fetch.
  • Of course, you could just as easily argue that the dark side is Islam and that the Empire represents the bin Laden dream of a pan-Islamic state with a single religion. Therefore, Bush is represented by Obi-Wan, who struggles alone to maintain freedom and the Jedi values of the good side of the force.


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Update: DOOM: The Movie, a videogame-based movie starring The Rock.


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Piracy is Good? How Battlestar Galactica piracy in the UK built up a demand for the show in the USA.


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I-Mockery.com | A Look At The Twisted Future Of Free iPod Banner Ads!


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So You Want to Be A Hobo? America's 1st Hobo Fantasy Camp


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I know what you've been thinking: "I know I could pick up the hottest chicks if I only had spinning teeth". Your dream has come true!


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IBM sides with FireFox.
  • "The security problems faced by FireFox last week have made many analysts question the wonder browser's chances to compete with Internet Explorer. IBM came with the response and officially announced that it will adopt FireFox, recommending all 300,000 employees to download and use it. "


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As per the submitter: "Google Map of Matrix: Reloaded - 2 miles of highway built just for the movie chase scene"


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