Wednesday, June 01, 2005

Hal Holbrook to combine his two greatest roles, will star in "Mark Felt Tonight"


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Elderly heart patients were moved from their beds in an Australian hospital so that pop diva Kylie Minogue could have an entire ward for herself when she underwent breast cancer surgery last month Ms Minogue was given eight rooms. Why should anyone be upset? Have they never heard of the divine right of celebrities?


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Anonymous KGB said...

According to rumor,
Kylie did not suffer from breast
cancer, but had to be rushed
to hospital because her latest
PLASTIC SURGERY turned out horribly,
and she wanted to fix it before
she was photographed with a newly hideous face or a rotten boob job.

A clever strategy...what a shame
it was wasted on this C-list celeb.

 

"OUTSOURCE YOUR OWN JOB! THEN GOOF OFF ALL DAY AND STILL GET PAID"
  • "Through the Internet, you can find someone in India or Pakistan who'll be willing to do your job in exchange for 10 percent of your salary. Then you can kick back, relax and spend all day chatting with pals on-line, playing videogames, cruising the Net for porn or whatever suits your fancy - while your clueless boss thinks you're slaving away in your cubicle."


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Boring Boring: A Directory of Dull Things (They are currently being attacked legally by boingboing.net, a site they are making fun of.)


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Anonymous Anonymous said...

thats obviously an April Fool Joke!

 

A tribute to Goatse. If you don't know what Goatse is, here's the lowdown.


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USA TODAY: Has Tom Cruise gone mad?


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Ernie Ford's bleak folk song "16 Tons" is being used to sell a comeback for coal!! Ford's song is about how coal mining is futile and inescapable - "I owe my soul to the company store"


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Did you know? Wacky movie director David Lynch does a daily weather report. Nothing funny or creative about it, just a regular old weather report from his official personal site, delivered in his flat, nasal, upper-Midwest accent.


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This site is obsessed with those painted wall ads from the past which still persevere in faded form, usually in older neighborhoods: Old, Obsolete, and Faded Ads


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Anti-homosexual film from 1961, targeted at teenage boys, urging them to avoid encounters with potential molesters.


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For Weird Al fans: The world's largest twine ball


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The Advertising Slogan Hall of Fame


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Latino Review has a few interesting new teaser posters. Here is their accompanying blurb:
  • "First up we've got a teaser poster for 16 BLOCKS, starring BRUCE WILLIS and MOS DEF: Film follows a misanthropic, depressed cop who has to accompany a cheerful loser along 16 blocks in New York City to a courthouse to make sure nothing happens. Of course, many things do. Next, LONELY HEARTS starring John Travolta and Salma Hayek: Based on the true story of the 1940s' Lonely Hearts Killers, this detective drama focuses on the two homicide detectives who eventually brought the killers — Martha Beck and Raymond Martinez Fernandez, who lured victims using personal ads — to justice. We also got BASIC INSTINCT 2: RISK ADDICTION, starring Sharon Stone and David Morrissey. The film follows Sharon Stone's Catherine Tramell who relocates from San Francisco to London and quickly finds herself on the wrong side of the law. And END GAME starring Cuba Gooding Jr: A Secret Service agent (Cuba Gooding Jr.) partners with a reporter (Angie Harmon) to uncover a conspiracy to assassinate the president. Finally THE WICKER MAN starring Nicolas Cage: In this remake of the 1973 flick, a sheriff tries to discover what happened to a young girl who has disappeared on an island off the coast of Maine. Things turn strange when he discovers a creepy neo-pagan society, the members of which may or may not have sacrificed the girl in a ritual."



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The Weekend Warrior takes a look at the upcoming weekend in movies. This is a tough one to call. He thinks that Cinderella Man will debut no higher than fourth, while Madagascar climbs to #1 from last weekend's #3 spot, barely beating out those wacky Sith. Warrior is not excited about the box office potential for Lords of Dogtown.


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This week's theater counts: Cinderella Man 2800, Sisterhood 2500, Dogtown 1800, Rock School 50, all others less than ten.


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Rock School - 82% positive reviews. This is the documentary version of the same "dedicated teacher" story which was presented in a fictional format in the Jack Black movie.


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This week's movies: Lords of Dogtown - only 33% positive reviews for the much-ballyhooed skateboarding epic, but that's based on a mere six reviews, and Owen Gleiberman of Entertainment Weekly liked it.


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This week's movies: Sisterhood of the Traveling Pants - 86% positive reviews for the sweet female-coming-of-age flick.


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Deep Blue - 80% positive reviews, including some review which are virtually hymns of praise.


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This week's movies Cinderella Man - 89% positive reviews, including many glowing raves for Russell Crowe's performance in this story about a real boxer.


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The Cruise connection? War of the Worlds poster versus cover of an L. Ron Hubbard novel.


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Oddjack - for people who are obsessed with betting on everything. I don't know if I agree with their odds on the national spelling bee. A good handicapper could clean up.


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Regular readers know that I used to live and work in Norway, where nothing ever happens. The front page of the Oslo newspaper used to contain stories about trivial matters like purse-snatchings at the airport. Oh, that we all should live in such a place! That is to say nothing ever happened ... until now. Today's earth-shattering headline: "Temperatures rise over soccer bread" ... "a bake shop employee has received death threats for selling Vålerenga-brand bread in Lillestrøm country. Tone Melgård of Baker Nordby said the bakery was taking the situation seriously and was considering filing a police report." Where else can it make the headlines when somebody is "considering" filing a police report?


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OOPS! I guess I declared the headline of the day too soon. "Karaoke toilet death mars school fundraiser"


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As Dave Barry noted in his blog, the NBA is really getting more interesting. Check out the picture, then read the caption.


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Headline of the day: "Military told to wear underpants". Ironically, this means that commandos will not be able to go commando. Wait, maybe that's not irony. Whatever.


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The Daily Show looks at the developments of the past two weeks. (Stewart has been on vacation.)


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The Daily Show's Rob Corddry looks at high gas prices. (One of Corddry's best reports)


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Conan O'Brien presents some rejected Star Wars characters


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The trailer for the international horror/thriller, The Ordeal (Calvaire)
  • Laurent Lucas plays lounge singer Marc Stevens, a handsome and affable chap who has his van break down between Christmastime gigs. Late at night, in the pouring rain, Marc unwisely heeds the advice of Belgian lunatic Boris and treks off into the night. He's looking for a well-off-the-beaten-path little hotel... and boy does he find it. Nestled firmly in the middle of Inbred County, Belgium, is the Hotel Bartel. The owner is a lonely little freak, but Marc thinks nothing of the dank desolation before settling in for an overnight stay. Mr. Bartel promises to have Marc's van up and running in short order, but we all know that's not very likely. Marc spends his afternoon wandering the countryside, and he soon comes across a barn in which several gibbering goons are having sex with livestock. He heads back to the hotel. Before too long, Marc realizes that Mr. Bartel (and the perpetually popping-up Boris) are more than a little off their respective rockers, and he decides to hit the road, period. Big mistake, Marc. Seems that the whacked-out hotel-master has grown, shall we say 'attached', to his current visitor. Thus begins a descent into nastiness that involves handcuffs, bear traps, shorn scalps and rape.
  • Why do I have the feeling that I've already seen this horror film? Is this the feeling of deja boo?


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Ancient rocker Rod Stewart set to enjoy fatherhood again. Creationists believe that he now has children from every generation in the history of mankind. Some theorize that he may have been Cain's real dad.


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The trailer, two TV spots and a featurette from The Perfect Man, The PG "tweener chick flick" is a romantic comedy "fixing up mom" comedy starring Hilary Duff and Heather Locklear.


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A new featurette about The Island, featuring an advance screening


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Strawberry Field's not forever after all


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You have a small dick because your mom's kitchen had a vinyl floor. No kidding!
  • "The higher the levels of the chemical compound phthalates in the mothers during the final months of pregnancy, the less masculine their boys were when examined by pediatricians"
  • "Phthalates are used as plasticizers, solvents, coatings and perfume fixatives. They are in hundreds of products, including food packaging, coatings on time-released medicines, soap, shampoo, nail polish, hair sprays, detergents, and vinyl floor coverings."
  • On the other side of the equation, here is the Phthalates Information Center, which basically claims that phthalates are better for you than fruits, vegetables, and yea, even water itself.


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Hollywood and sports stars to compete in golf tournament. The Event is Organized by Ant and Dec, two men who are kinda difficult to describe to those outside the UK. They are successful pop recording stars and also the hosts of a slapstick Saturday morning kiddie show. I don't know of any equivalent to them in the USA, possibly excepting John Ashcroft.


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Gag order placed on Pitt-Jolie interviews. "Journalists interviewing Brad Pitt and Angelina Jolie about their upcoming movie are being asked not to inquire about whether the pair are having an off-screen relationship."


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They didn't call him Tricky Dick for nothin'. Richard Nixon was a deeply flawed man, but nobody's fool. This three year old article says: "Many people, including Nixon, have expressed the opinion that Deep Throat was W. Mark Felt, then deputy director of the FBI."


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Star Trek XI "In Two Or Three Years"


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Moist Towelettes to Wash Away Your Sins


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As of yesterday, X3 has no director


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Doctors have revealed that G-strings are bad for women's health and should be banned.


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Borowitz: SCIENTISTS SEEK EXPLANATION FOR POPULARITY OF PARIS HILTON


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