Tuesday, June 21, 2005

Selma Blair dishes on Hellboy 2


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Borowitz: REALITY-SHOW PRODUCERS FACING SEVERE SHORTAGE OF REAL PEOPLE .. "Number of Real People in U.S. At Dangerously Low Levels, Study Shows"


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The Daily Show looks at the FBI's counter-terrorist activity.


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The Daily Show's Ed Helms fails to find bin Laden in Aruba


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The Daily Show's Rob Corddry looks at the decline of foreign tourism to the USA


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Jon Stewart talks to Ringo!


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Jon Stewart talks about why can't watch Vespuccian Idol


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Reinventing the wheel - literally


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Being Batman. Absent super powers, Batman is just a regular guy who fights crime through determination and technology. If a very rich man wants to that, it is possible in real life. So how much would it cost you to be Batman?


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Interactive: ask Tom Cruise any question


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"Engaging tidbits" (middle of page) "A source VERY close to the deal is saying there's a contract. It's worth $5 million. It's for five years. There will be no sex. The deal was sealed June 7."


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The gradual evolution of the Starbucks logo


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Big breasts "falling" - out of fashion, that is


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Tom and Katie - a radaronline film


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Michael Schiavo Murder Investigation: Governor Jeb Bush Kicks Off 2008 Campaign With Spirited Farewell Necro-Porking of Politically Invaluable Vegecorpse - (WHITEHOUSE.ORG)


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Tattoo Sleeves - Slip on Body Art


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A New Identity, Inc. - Be The Person You Always Wanted To Be


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Americans Sucking Canada Dry


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The Apostrophe Protection Society


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URL says it all: Celebrities-eating.com


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"Bea Arthur reveals she'll be going in next week to play Larry David's mother on a future installment of 'Curb Your Enthusiasm.'"


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Headline of the Day: "Mayors Challenged To Toilet Bowl Race"


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Paris Hilton to have two weddings. Damn. If Cruise had lived, I'll bet he would have seen her two and raised.


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Here is the French trailer for the new Jackie Chan movie, New Police Story. This looks like it might have some potential.


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The Japanese trailer from Fantastic Four, with some new footage


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Just wild about ewe.
  • "A COBBLER suspected of sorcery was attacked and nearly lynched by outraged villagers in central Kenya today after being caught having sex with a female sheep, witnesses and officials said."
  • "I only made love to the ewe twice using two condoms but I never do it regularly," he said in his defense.


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Three lions rescued a 12-year-old girl kidnapped by men who wanted to force her into marriage. The men had held the girl for seven days, repeatedly beating her, before the lions chased them away. The story would be pretty heart-warming if the lions hadn't eaten her.


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Sharon Osbourne says she will help the late Tom Cruise's estate sue the TV crew who squirted him with water.


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Charlotte Church has lifted the lid on her bedroom secrets with rugby star Gavin Henson. One thing that has changed considerably since my boyhood is that nobody keeps secrets anymore. I don't know whether that is good or bad. A little of both, I suppose.


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Batman Begins, as seen through the powerful gaze of filmdom's only true genius, El Sucio. He didn't like it.
  • "Batman Begins is all about overreaching, trying to turn kid's stuff into grown up's stuff. Those dumbasses want to pretend to tell a poignant and powerful tale when what they have is a guy who dresses like a bat and fights bad guys in bad Mexican wrestling masks all fancied up with simplistic psychobabble."
  • "The fanboys have beat the shit out of poor Batman for years, dressing him up in ever darker and more lugubrious histories in order to justify their own refusal to mature. Rather than move on, they just keep redressing Batman."
  • "Katie Holmes is so damn lost she looks like she'd say yes if a gay scientologist asked her to marry him."


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Chicago traffic officers slapped drivers with parking tickets for failing to feed meters - when there were no meters to be fed when the cars were parked. Ah, the ol' temporary parking meter trick. I know it well.


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Irony or Patriotism? I Heart Gitmo apparel.


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Remembering the Popsicle Twins - the best 'Gong Show' moment.


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Ben Affleck enjoys his scrotum


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Palestinian Woman Heading for Charitable Treatment at Israeli Hospital Caught Carrying 22 Pounds of Explosives. "The woman, who suffered serious burns on her hands, feet and neck in a kitchen explosion five months ago, had been granted permission to cross into Israel from the Gaza Strip for medical treatment when she raised the suspicion of soldiers at the Erez checkpoint."


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Coming Out - as straight!


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Although we have made some good-natured fun of him, we are as shocked and saddened as all of you to hear about the sudden, unexpected, and untimely death of Tom Cruise, and we do not share the opinion that it was staged as a publicity stunt for War of the Worlds. Who could have envisioned the levels to which a simple watergun prank might escalate? If Tom Cruise, so young and so handsome and so invulnerable, can drop so suddenly as a result of such a minor incident, then what is to become of any of us?

What indeed?


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Anonymous Sparks said...

I just thought of something. Anybody have any idea why the assistant just *happened* to have a towel handy?

 

Tank McNamara bobblehead night!


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WHO CUT THE CHEESE? (A Cultural History of the Fart)


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Cruise near death after violent squirt gun attack.


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Anonymous Anonymous said...

If they think this was funny, let's let them spend a week in Guantanamo or Riker's Island. I think this would be great entertainment for the boys at "Entertainment 4". I bet the boys there wold have great fun with their "cherry" behinds!!!

 


Anonymous Sparks said...

When I first saw this on TV last night, I had to wonder if it was all a work to keep Cruise in the headlines a couple more days. Crap, after the engagement was announced, I actually went a few hours Monday morning without hearing his name....

 

Headline o' the Day: "Farmers' tractor protest barely raises a fart"


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Michael Palin says Hello, Dalai!


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Did you know that cameras always see the moon the same size, even though our eyes see it larger when closer to the horizon?


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Jennifer Ellison has broken her collar bone while pole dancing.


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Anonymous KGB said...

Am I the only one who read that and screamed, "WHAT! Jennifer
Aniston broke her collar bone?"

WTF is a Jennifer Elliston?
Some British bird?

 

Katie Holmes axed from Batman sequel: "Christian Bale, Michael Caine and Morgan Freeman have agreed to a Batman sequel, but Katie Holmes has been dropped. Speaking about Katie the source added: 'She won't be in the sequel. The next romantic interest will be a much stronger actress. Warner is happy that people are now focusing on who'll be playing the Joker rather than Katie and Tom.'"


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Dog and Cat Fashions


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You have more psychopathic colleagues than you might imagine.


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Famine Food Database: "Plants that are not normally considered as crops are consumed in times of famine. This botanical-humanistic subject has had little academic exposure, and provides insight to potential new food sources that ordinarily would not be considered. "


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Uncle Scoopy's Guest House features Eva Green in The Dreamers. Our readers chose this as the best screen nudity of 2004, so the Guest House page also features a link to the illustrated annual "Top 20" list.


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