Tuesday, July 05, 2005

Court finds: A man faked a heart attack thanks to his 'electric underpants'. Say, are you wearing electric underpants, or are you just happy to see me? Immediately after publication of this article, six garage bands tried to register "Electric Underpants" as their trade name.


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Mechanical exoskeleton/vehicle for sale at eBay. The limbed 18-foot Mech is piloted from within.


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Clooney says he's about to do one more film for the Coen Brothers


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Judge rules Bono can have his pants back


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An ass full of party fun.


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Going camping? Why tent on the ground when you can erect your sphere in a tree? This actually looks pretty cool. All you need is (a) $120,000 (b) a way to get this enormous thing up in a tree (c) a way for you to get in it after you get it in the tree.


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WOW! Major medical news in the Wall Street Journal: Uncircumsized men are three times more likely to contract HIV. That's an incredible finding, but approach the data cautiously: "... the fact that the research hasn't yet been published makes experts in the field wary about commenting. "


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Remember Katherine Harris, the Florida Secretary of State? If you can find her, I'm pretty sure you can sell her the Brooklyn Bridge. Florida tries to cure citrus disease with blessed water.
  • The Orlando Sentinel says that Florida at the behest of then-Secretary of State Katherine Harris, did pursue one alternative method -- a very alternative method. Researchers worked with a rabbi and a cardiologist to test Celestial Drops, promoted as a canker inhibitor because of its "improved fractal design," "infinite levels of order" and "high energy and low entropy." But the cure proved useless against canker. That's because it was water.
  • Qustioned by the reporters, Ms Harris responded, "I ask Jobu to come, take fear from trees."


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Discovery Channel MythBusters :: Fact or Fiction Quizzes


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Regular showers may be a health risk. No wonder the French have such a high life expectancy!


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"I ate 15 bags of crisps a day for three years. I was addicted and it nearly killed me." (crisps = potato chips)


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Day By Day by Chris Muir is supposed to be "the Libertarian Doonesbury"


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Disney sets its sights on China: Snow White is about to be transformed into a martial arts epic with Shaolin monks replacing the seven dwarves. Nothing very new about adapting this story to other cultures. You can read in my official biography/filmography that I played Grumpy-san in Snow White and the Seven Samurai. Other possibilities

  • Disney sets its sights on Christianity with Snow White and the Seven Seals
  • Disney sets its sights on Detroit with Snow White and the Seven Pips
  • Disney sets its sights on the Merchant-Ivory audience with Snow White and the Seven Gables
  • Disney sets its sights on the titillation crowd with Snow White and the Seven Year Itch
  • Disney sets its sights on musical biopics with Snow White and the Seven Little Foys
  • She rode hard all day, and still stayed white. Snow White and the Magnificent Seven
  • Disney tells Custer's tale as it's never been told before in Snow White and the Seventh Cavalry


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Tremendous opportunity to get free music from AOL: LIVE 8 City by City: "Click an artist name to see all of the songs played, then watch each performance as many times as you like."


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CNN/Money: World's 50 Best Brewers. I don't know jack straws about beer, but I was surprised to see that two of the top three are in San Diego, California! I was expecting Belgium (which does have seven of the top 50 - pretty impressive for a tiny country.)


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Anonymous Anonymous said...

Make that three in the top ten. Solana Beach is in San Diego.

 

Man sues Bush, Ashcroft, Burger King and the city of Flint, Michigan for $165 trillion.
  • Man - that's a big number. It might be a little greedy. I can't see a jury awarding more than about $158 trillion for this, 159 tops.
  • It could be tough for the President to pay up if the guy wins his suit. Can somebody be President and have a paper route at the same time?


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More dating tips from Weekly World News: 10 LINES TO GET REPUBLICAN GALS -- LIKE ANN COULTER -- INTO BED.


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Lucha Libre: Masked Superstars Of Mexican Wrestling.



  • Not many people know it, but I used to be a partially masked wrestler. I hailed from Fond du Lac, Wisconsin, but with a summer house at Parts Unknown. Where is Parts Unknown? Well, of course I am sworn by a vow of secrecy more sacred than the Bond of Confession, and even more sacred than the Magician's Code, but I can say it is within reasonable driving distance of Fond du Lac, and has some delightful outdoor recreation available.
  • I'd take the mask off in Fond du Lac, but I always left the mask on when I was in Parts Unknown. To the best of my knowledge, the only guy living in Parts Unknown without a mask is Dick Cheney. Wait a minute! I'll bet that is a mask! That crafty bastard! He fooled us all these years. I'll bet he really looks like Pierce Brosnan.


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What did Elvis and Ghandi have in common besides odd dietary habits and rockabilly roots?


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URL says it all: TomCruiseIsNuts.com


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Cruise site gets to the nut of the matter, fears evil Cruise legal team.


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Crazy movie gossip of the day. The new Silver Surfer movie to be directed by ... David O Russell?


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AOL Music: free LIVE 8 Concert Highlights


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Backstage gossip from Live 8 London. Who did Scarlett Johansson make out with all day? What was the most unusual "diva demand" of the event?


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eBay Removes Pirated Live 8 DVDs


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WTF? I can't claim to have seen everyone who inflates his forehead, but I have to say Jerome Abramovitch has to be pretty close to the top guy at this.


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The Associated Press gets the headline o' the day: "Michigan Family Filled With Champion Spitters"


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The July 4th box office smash, War of the Worlds, as reviewed by The Filthy and Ever-Patriotic Critic
  • "I haven't read the whole thing because it's kind of long, the writing is small and there aren't any pictures, but I'm pretty sure the Declaration of Independence says something about the freedom to take it easy and for the English to just get off our backs, man. God bless the freedom to watch a hurricane marathon on the Weather Channel and not remember a God damn thing about it."
  • WARNING: pretty much total spoilers.


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Anonymous Anonymous said...

In a foreword for one of the reprintings of the short story, H. G. Wells admitted the beginning of was much better than the ending, and apologized to the readers. The reason he gave was that his landlady kept yelling at him to turn out the light because he was using too much lamp oil! As a result, he had to rush the ending. It seems so strange to imagine someone hunched over a paper, with quill and ink pot, illuminated under lantern light, writing these stories that still capture our imagination today.

I remember reading somewhere that those living in those Modern times imagined a world of unsinkable ships and time machines, and all were equally possible. How different the world might have been had WWI not intervened and set us on a different path.

The era we live in is called post-Modernism for the reason that, except for perhaps for automation and the Internet, basically everything we have and do now is a derivative of the late 19th and early 20th centuries.

Anyway, if you get a chance to direct any alien invasion movie, have the guts to go with the only plausible ending - they win and we lose!

 

The Weekend Warrior's box office predictions for the coming weekend. It's Alba versus Connelly!
  • Warrior's call: Fantastic Four hits $40m, edges out War of the Worlds, Dark Water slips into third.


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The latest from North Korea: "The nuclear issue of the Korean Peninsula is not a matter for such an insincere and clumsy political dwarf as Japan to deal with". You'w bweakin' my baws, Hans.


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Deep Impact, Thirteen Seconds After Impact With the Comet


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New Dustin Hoffman thriller to Begin Shooting . This is a pretty exciting project, not only because of Dustin but because of the director and the source material. Tom Tykwer (Lola Rennt) will direct Hoffman in an English-language version of one of the most famous German novels of the 20th century.


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The reviews are in for Live 8. Universal thumbs up for AOL, and almost unanimous thumbs down for MTV.
  • Because when you think of hard rockin', you think of AOL.
  • I'm trying to recall ... is this the only time AOL has ever failed to fuck something up? The only time anyone has ever said something nice about them?


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Tom Cruise in a ... beats me ... scientology rock video or something.


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