Sunday, August 21, 2005

Six Feet Under ends ... everybody dies!


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The Aristocrats as reviewed by ... oh, you know only one man is truly qualified to review this movie - I'm talkin' about The Filthy Critic


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Criticwatch 2005 takes a look at this year's movie blurb quotes from the legendary Earl Dittmann. I love this guy!
  • Son of the Mask – Hilarious! Wonderfully witty. A comedy for the child in all of us.
  • Catwoman - 100% pure fun and excitement.


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Goth Models.


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Norwegian penguin promoted to Colonel. He actually outranked the Norwegian soldiers who attended the ceremony (a Lt Colonel and a Major!). The Colonel is pictured below reviewing the troops.


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Anonymous Anonymous said...

Stupidest thing I've seen this year.

 

Jessica Alba loves older men. She's got the hots for Knotts! (Well, maybe Connery.)


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If you're near Des Moines, you may still qualify for The Official Iowa State Fair Mullet Hunt. "The day is young, the fair is filling and the mullets are many."


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Anonymous sparks said...

Shouldn't that be the *Iowa* State Fair if it's in Des Moined?

 

400 million Chinese tune in to the #1 TV program: Mongolian Cow Sour Yoghurt Supergirl Contest! Now THAT's entertainment. (Despite the silly title, it's basically just their version of American Idol)


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Tomatometer Report: "The 40-Year-Old Virgin" is the Best Reviewed Film of the Year 2005!" (And by a fairly wide margin!)


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The reviews are in for Supercross: The Movie - one positive review, 48 negative.
  • "Super-crap"
  • "an idiotic waste of time."
  • "And then came Supercross: The Movie, the long-anticipated filmic adaptation of Shakespeare’s lost play..."
  • "dumb as dirt"
  • "completely random and goofy."
  • "shockingly inept"
  • "pathetic and thoroughly laughable"
  • "spectacularly lousy"
And those were quotes from the one positive review.

(Rimshot)

Seriously, the one good review came from Movie Mom, who gave it a B-!


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Letterman's Top Ten Strategies Of Saddam Hussein's Attorneys


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Halloween is on the way. Sexy Adult Fairy Tale Costumes


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Clear out September 2 and 3 on your calendar, for the Wisconsin State Cow Shit Tossing Championship. They say this is not merely the state championship but, given the pre-eminence of Wisconsinites in all matters involving cow flop, probably the true World Series of Cow Crap. And don't miss the stirring Cow Shit Parade! It's a great honor to be chosen as the Grand Marshall of this parade, because he is considered the world's foremost symbol of cow excrement!


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Anonymous spsparks said...

Gonna have to call "bullshit" on this one. ;)

 


Anonymous kgb said...

Didn't RTFA, but this summarizes
everything I think Wisconsin is about. Go Cheeseheads....(yawn)

 

The trailer for Emmanuel's Gift
  • "Narrated by Oprah Winfrey, 'Emmanuel's Gift' tells the powerful and passionate story of a disabled orphan, Emmanuel Ofosu Yeboah from Ghana, who has risen above abject poverty and a severe physical challenge to become a hero and inspiration to people around the world. His first stunning act of heroism was riding a bike across Ghana on one leg, in order to eradicate his country's negative perception of the disabled. This remarkable feat was just the first of many and his awe-inspiring journey awakened the spirit in his fellow disabled Ghanaians and countless others throughout the world. Robin Williams, United Nation's Koffi Annan, Muhammad Ali and Oprah Winfrey are among the celebrities touched by Emmanuel's life of hardships and triumphs and who continue to support his efforts. This July, Emmanuel was presented with the Arthur Ashe Courage Award by Oprah during the nationally broadcast ESPN's ESPY awards. Emmanuel will be appearing on Oprah's TV show this fall. This movie shows Emmanuel's unwavering motivation, as he continues to travel the world, spreading his positive message and organizing help for his people back home. Beautifully photographed and critically acclaimed, 'Emmanuel's Gift' is a compelling and inspirational story of courage and determination about a man who had nothing, but gave everything and changed a nation and its people forever."


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The trailer for Steve Buscemi's Lonesome Jim
  • "'Lonesome Jim' explores the existence of a lost young man searching for his elusive path, while painting a vivid portrait of small town life that is at once funny, sad, and true. Jim (Casey Affleck) begrudgingly returns to his hometown in rural Indiana after failing to make it on his own in New York. Once back, living in his childhood room, he soon remembers why he left: a doting but overbearing mother (Mary Kay Place), a distant father (Seymour Cassel), and a depressed older brother (Kevin Corrigan). Soon after his homecoming, Jim's brother gets in a mysterious car accident, and Jim is forced to take on his brother's duties -- working at his parent's factory and helping out with his two nieces. Crippled by these obligations and his own anxieties, Jim trudges on. A glimmer of hope springs from his developing relationship with a local nurse (Liv Tyler) and her young son, and Jim slowly learns how to move forward without leaving everyone behind. Steve Buscemi's seamless direction combines with James C. Strouse's thoughtful script, and Casey Affleck and Liv Tyler's moving performances, to paint a picture of working-class characters filled with the comedy and rich details of everyday life."


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The Presidential Prayer Team for Kids. OK, I admit I joined just to get the free decoder ring.


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So now that survival is no longer an issue for modern humans, it appears that the course of evolution may be altered to the point where only the LEAST fit survive and breed. Courtney Love Pregnant With Steve Coogan's Baby


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Borowitz: "ZELL MILLER CHALLENGES CINDY SHEEHAN TO DUEL" ... Former Georgia Senator Prepared to Defend President's Honor


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Astro Pic o' the Day ... a lenticular cloud over Hawaii. "Can a cloud do that? Actually, pictured above are several clouds all stacked up into one striking lenticular cloud. "


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Weekend Box Office - Aug. 19-21, 2005
  • No major suprises. The four new releases performed about as expected. 40 Year Old Virgin and Red Eye slipped into the top two slots, Valiant was a mini-bomb, and Supercross did so poorly that it should attract some Razzie attention.
  • The Penguins held solid and did not drop at all from last week. The independent banner was also carried by Broken Flowers and The Aristocrats, which did well in limited engagements. Broken Flowers took in more in 389 theaters than Supercross grossed in 1600+
  • Total receipts were off about 3% from last year.



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Mighty Murderin' Power Ranger: "A child actor who was an extra on the hit action show Mighty Morphin' Power Rangers is accused of the brutal murder of a California couple."


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Anonymous Anonymous said...

Good grief, the media will use any excuse to link people to a children's TV show..

 

"Wisconsin prison officials violated an inmate's rights because they did not treat atheism as a religion."


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Blogger Goose said...

Isn't that one of the signs of the apocolypse?

"I'm not a very religious man, but I know what atheism is"