Tuesday, August 30, 2005

Weekly World News: "OOPS! DRUGSTORE CONFUSES SUPER GLUE WITH HEMORRHOID CREAM!"


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Hear the original cast sing the songs from Monty Python's Spamalot


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'Housewives' Star Longoria voted the sexiest female TV star of all time. Eva is hot, but "of all time"? I'm still goin' with Barbara Eden among the big TV stars. If I'm allowed to cite minor recurring characters, then I go with Farrah on Harry O, in her pre-Angel days - and I sure do wish they'd get that show on DVD!


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:: The trailer for Grandma's Boy ::. Allen Covert film about a video game tester who has to move in with his grandma. Also features cameos from the usual gang of Adam Sandler Players: Kevin Nealon, Rob Schneider, David Spade.


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Here's the trailer for Good Night, And Good Luck, Clooney's film about Ed Murrow. This might be good. David Strathairn seems to be pluperfect as Murrow, and I am impressed with what I saw of Clooney's direction.


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Do you want to live in a house which is only five feet wide? About $900,000 will get you in there.


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Borowitz: SURGEON FAILS TO SEPARATE BRAD AND ANGELINA ... Latest Case of Conjoined Celebrities Baffles Medical Experts


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This week's movies (3200 screens): The Transporter 2 - no advance reviews, but probably a predictable commodity filled with adrenaline: wild over-the-top violence, highly improbable events, and physical feats outside the natural laws of the universe. I wouldn't expect the critics to be very enthusiastic, since they didn't even like the first one that much.


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This week's movies (1300 screens): The Constant Gardener - 82% positive reviews.
  • It's an international political thriller, which means that the 82% score is meaningless, because with political thrillers critics tend to rate the politics, not the thrills. The high score tells me it is dutifully left-liberal, but reveals nothing either way about the quality of the film. Might be great, might not.


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This week's movies (1200 screens). Underclassman - NO positive reviews.
  • "Siega's hackneyed, by-the-books action-comedy exhibits few intelligent thoughts in its dunce cap-deserving head."
  • "Like a student project sloppily cribbed from other kids' notes." (That from the respected Lisa Schwarzbaum at EW)


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This week's movies (800 screens) A Sound of Thunder - not enough reviews in yet. The one reviewer who saw this sci-fi time travel story damned it for cheap and obtrusive CGI. It does have an interesting premise and a decent cast: Gandhi, Ed Burns, Catherine McCormack.


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The Weekend Warrior's box office predictions for the Labor Day weekend
  • As he sees it, Transporter 2 (wide release - 3200 screens) will take the #1 spot, and Virgin will easily hold on to #2 by putting a lot of distance between itself and The Brothers Grimm. He thinks The Constant Gardener will sneak into the #5 hole despite being on only 1300 screens, and he slots the unheralded Underclassman (1200 screens) into the #8 spot.
  • The other new release, A Sound of Thunder, will appear on 800 screens and is not expected to crack the top ten.


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Another marijuana bust for Garfunkel.
  • I'm thinkin' maybe Artie is feelin' a little too fuckin' groovy. I have no problem with the old boy firing up some reefer, but I wish he'd stop doing it while he drives. Stop signs are much more useful to society if drivers actually stop, as opposed to driving through while admiring the sign's shape and colors.


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Finally, a Naked Cowgirl has arrived to join the Naked Cowboy in Times Square. "Rejoice! They can play and frolic and live happily ever after. With lots of Naked Cowchildren."


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Chicago White Sox hold Mullet Night this Friday. The first 500 patrons sporting a mullet get ridiculed even more than the others.


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No celebrity penis update today, but we do have some breaking nipple news: Pamela Anderson says drinking espressos makes her nipples perky.


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5 minutes with Shatner. Because you don't know Shat.


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So what does Roger Ebert's home theater look like?


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Martha's catchphrase revealed. Apparently, she will fire people by saying either "skip out, fluffy" to women or "take a powder, douchebag" to men.


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The virtual Louvre in 360 degree panoramas. The images can be rotated horizontally or vertically, or in any diagonal combination, like the human eye itself. Fucking awesome.


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Astro Pic o' the Day: " Seen at even slight magnification, Albireo unfolds from a bright single point into a beautiful double star of strikingly different colors. "


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Letterman's "Top Ten Ways to Make the U.S. Open More Exciting"
  • Every day, Pat Robertson gets to kill one player
  • Eliminate coverage of matches, just keep camera on Maria Sharapova


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The Bloodhound Gang, known for sexual innuendo, released a great song "Foxtrot Uniform Charlie Kilo" (F.U.C.K.). You will probably never see this video on VH1.


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Michael Jackson Candy Bar Fails to Attract


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Anonymous Anonymous said...

What flavor is it? Could it be white chocolate?