Thursday, September 22, 2005

Hurricane benefit concert called off - on account of hurricane


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How did I miss these for Talk Like a Pirate Day? Very few people know that the original English word was "swishbucklers."


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Anonymous Anonymous said...

Dude, you forgot the musical.

Rum Sodomy and the Lash was also an excellent CD by the Pogues.

Amazon: http://tinyurl.com/b2q2d

 

The FBI did not consider John Lennon a threat since he was always "too stoned to be a real revolutionary." I'm pretty sure that's true, and I'm surprised the FBI was perceptive enough to realize it.


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Tom Sizemore's porno film to come to DVD


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Borowitz: "KATE MOSS SCORES ENDORSEMENT DEAL WITH COLOMBIAN DRUG CARTEL" ... Supermodel to Become the New Face of Cocaine, Says Drug Lord
  • "According to those familiar with the deal, Ms. Moss signed a three-year contract for eight million dollars, with a street value of forty million."



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Anonymous Anonymous said...

Way to go, Scoop.

You know you've made it big when Borowitz starts stealing your jokes.

 

Mr Peterman kicks some dancing Playmate ass.


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The trailer for the independent drama, Dandelion


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How Microsoft really can 'kill' Google. Or try to.


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2005 NFL Cheerleading Tour. Day 11 : Houston Texans


Today we head west to Houston, Texas. The Texans took the field for the first time on September 8, 2002 with a victory over the Dallas Cowboys. The Texans may be new to the league, but Houston is no stranger to the NFL. The area's professional team from 1960 to 1996 was The Houston Oilers.


Some areas of the country may argue their own case, but it is widely known that no place loves football like Texas. There is also no doubt that Texas has an unending supply of beautiful women, and The Houston Texan Cheerleading Squad looks to have the best the state has to offer.


I just wish that someone in that part of Texas had half the passion for web site design as they do for beautiful babes and high school football. Some of the cheerleader bios are not updated (rookies on the squad have no bio). The bio pictures are a terrible lo-res quality. A video section is nice, but I felt as if I were transported back to 1998 watching the Jennicam on dial-up. A photo section is available, but the untitled pictures leave you wondering who you are looking at. The wallpaper section has four cheerleaders, but two of them are from last season's squad. There really isn't much to link to, and any visitor would be bored after five minutes. Based on beauty alone, this group is easily in the top five of the NFL. Too bad they don't have a better showcase. Maybe they should let cheerleader Emily take over the web site


I selected the dates and cities of this tour a few weeks ago, and it was purely by chance that Houston followed New Orleans. We can all hope Rita weakens and that the Houston/Galveston area is spared the same fate as the New Orleans area.


Rating 7.5 out of 10. The extra half point goes for the twins on the squad


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Anonymous Anonymous said...

The Texans Cheerleaders have a couple new photos but I agree they need MORE!!!

 

Hollywood Marketing Non-Religious Films Through Churches. I'm not sure they should be promoting that new golf movie. Seems to me that golf and religion are competitors, at least for mankind's Sunday mornings.


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"If I only have one life, let me live it as a blonde" ... Tiger Woods


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"BUSH REACHES OUT AND IN . . . & REMAPS THE SOLAR SYSTEM! ... FLY ME TO THE RUMMY . . . President Bush says the planets' new names are more familiar to the American people and easier to remember.


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Bush Family Arrest & Prison Survival Guide: With Family Values Poster Children Jenna, Barbara, Noelle, Jebby and George P. Bush (WHITEHOUSE.ORG)


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The trailer for The Family Stone
  • "A man brings his ice-queen girlfriend home for Christmas to meet his eccentric family. Overwhelmed by the hostile reception, the girlfriend begs her sister to join her for emotional support, only to trigger more problems."


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The trailer from the sequel that just had to be made: Cheaper by the Dozen 2. Speaking of Steve Martin, the Pink Panther remake has been scheduled for a February 10 release, if you want to clear your calendar.


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Six clips from Into the Blue (Sharks and Alba)


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How Buffy got morphed into Southland Tales


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Six-time BAFTA winner Ricky Gervais talks to Jon Stewart about his love for names like Bucky Gunts.


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The Daily Show's Rob Corddry looks at faith-based accounting. Rob Corddry explains how the only fiscal disparity is between intelligence... and you.


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The Daily Show: "Not only will hurricane victims be taken care of, they'll all get a pony and some whipped cream."


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The benefit of having the Super Bowl come to your town: Detroit sees an influx of upscale prostitutes.


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Two arrested in cheerleading squads' rumble. Even funnier than the article was the Wichita Eagle's crack meteorology which, at the time I visited, said today's high will be 88, current temperature - 91.


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I know this looks like an Andy Borowitz story, but it is an actual news item. German politicians tell men to have more sex ... Conservatives warn of being labeled "limp" abroad.


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Barracks Wall: The WW II Pinup Gallery


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Now THAT'S a wedding: "A groom spent his wedding night in jail after his group brawled with another bridal party."


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For the serious drunk in your family. The bottle opener you can wear.


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Baseball posters for the unmotivated


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Something Awful - more skewering of retro fashion


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"More than 1,100 survivors of Hurricane Katrina are still in shelters in Houston - and are therefore now being sent to Arkansas."


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Anonymous Anonymous said...

Arkansas! Haven't they suffered enough?

 

Kinky Friedman for Texas governor. Now THIS is a political ad.


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Is Drinking Cum Good For You? Find out with your "Cum Nutrition Facts." One interesting and little-known fact for you ladies: drinking the cum of a webmaster is the equivalent to getting two hours of vigorous exercise, while taking in all of your daily nutritional requirements, and all the while taking in just 5-15 calories. Blowing me twice a day should get your body lookin' like Hilary Swank's in about a month. But act now, supplies are limited. Especially at my age.


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Anonymous Anonymous said...

This news needs wide circulation. All young women NEED to know that a dickload of cum is as good as a multi-vitamin, and much cheaper.

 

All thirteen SNL Celebrity Jeopardy Videos!


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"A television presenter on a new Dutch talk show plans to take heroin and other illegal drugs on air in a program intended to reach young audiences on topics that touch their lives." In other news, Robert Downey Jr has reversed his long-standing policy against talk show appearances.


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Did you know that The Max Weinberg 7 has a roadie.


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Condoms Are Named for Clinton, Lewinsky.
  • It's the same psychology as naming Louisville Sluggers after the ballplayers who use them.
  • "The 'Clinton' condom will be the top of our line," he said. "The 'Lewinsky' condom is not quite as good."
  • I'm not sure if I really want to buy either kind, however. "Clinton" is a pre-lubed model, and it's just too slick. Of course, for those of you who appreciate something slippery, "Clinton" is a good choice. On the other hand, as their bottom of the line model, "Lewinsky" just sucks.


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Bumvertising - a concept that beggars belief. See yesterday's links for The Daily Show's report on this phenomenon.


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Anonymous Shawn said...

Why the criticism of this? Don't most of their signs say "will work for food?"

 

Chesney speaks over Renee split.
  • I know that my job is basically to make fun of celebrities, but in this case, I'm actually going to defend them. People have published all kids of wild speculation about the fraud allegation, stuff like "Chesney might be gay" ... or impotent, or a pervert, or has a communicable disease, or whatever other bullshit. Frankly, those aren't even good possibilities. She would presumably have been able to figure out those sorts of things BEFORE they got married. The fraud would have to be something which is not completely obvious, and which she should have been told before the wedding. For example, if you are going to marry a woman, you don't have to tell her that you are blonde. She can see that. But you do have to mention that you have had a vasectomy. If a guy is unable (or unwilling) to have children, and failed to reveal it, that is nothing sinister or sensational, but it still provides very suitable grounds for annulment for a woman who wants to have her own children and whose biological clock is ticking.
  • I'm not saying that is precisely the case in this instance, but their problem is probably something completely innocuous and private like that, as opposed to something sensational.
  • On the other hand, I'd like to think that Chesney showed up for their wedding night wearing mime make-up and lace cowboy frills, talking like Truman Capote, while carrying a gigantic dildo and a big jar of industrial strength lube, and keeping a proctologist on 24 hour call. I'd like to ... but I doubt it went down like that.


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Martha Stewart's big catch-phrase is "Goodbye."
  • They say that an infinite number of monkeys with an infinite number of keyboards would eventually produce Hamlet. Well, Martha's signature phrase only took one monkey about five minutes of typing on the demo computers at K-Mart. And he actually got it on his first try, but it took him five minutes because he got distracted by a blue light sale on bananas.


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Five new clips from Two for the Money, the sports gambling thriller with Al Pacino and Naked Bongos McConaughey


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The first trailer from the remake of All The King's Men, an Oscar hopeful starring Spicoli, Jude Law, Tony Soprano, Patricia Clarkson, Kate Winslet, and Dr Lecter. (Click on main menu, then on Sony Lounge - you can also see the trailer for Memoirs of a Geisha there)


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