Monday, October 31, 2005

Now here's a "headline of the day" to make us all rejoice: Jessica Alba Likes Porn


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One new clip from Walk the Line
  • Joaquin Phoenix sings Ring of Fire


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Anonymous Anonymous said...

That's 5 minutes of my life I won't get back. Video? More like a blurry slideshow with music.

 

First Photos From 'Young Hannibal: Behind the Mask', the boyhood story of a cannibalistic homicidal maniac and his dog, who later became his lunch.


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THIRTEEN new film clips from "Harry Potter and whatever he's dealing with this time."


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homemade-sex-toys.com presents their Halloween special: Pumpkin Sex Toys


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Dutch Wiccans Get a Tax Break to Study Witchcraft. The only legislator to oppose the tax break for witches was Joop van Gogh. When approached for a comment, his entire reply was "ribbit."


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For the serious drunkard on your Christmas list: Cellphone with built-in breath analyzer


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BARBARA BUSH SAYS "THINGS ARE WORKING WELL" FOR SON


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Holy Shit! Is Mel Gibson getting weird(er), or what?


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Blogger Scaramouche said...

Two words: spider hole.

 


Anonymous Anonymous said...

I see he's gearing up for the Saddam Hussein biopic......

All I want from him is to do Max Max 4: Fury Road then he can go off into coo-coo land for all I care.

 

Connecticut Wants to Ban Beer With Elf Label
  • " ... his company had no such problems when it sold Bad Elf and Very Bad Elf in previous years. It sells the beer in 30 other states and none have complained. 'We even had a beer called Santa's Butt last year. They didn't notice Santa's Butt, but they notice this one. How can you miss that big red thing? Minors are not going to be looking to buy beer because Santa Claus is on the label."
  • Attorney General Richard Blumenthal said, "The state has wide discretion to regulate the sales of alcohol." And he plans to abuse that discretion whenever possible!




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As Tom Lehrer pointed out when he retired, we now live in a post-ironic world in which it is not possible to distinguish the satire from the real news. This one is "real," from the N.Y. Daily News. Vincent Gallo's sperm is for sale on eBay.com for a starting bid of $1 million
  • What proof do you have that it's really his sperm? Well, you know his slogan, "Gallo will serve no jizz, unless it's his"
  • "The seller, who claims to speak for Gallo, is looking for a blond, Jewish woman to bear his child, because 'this connection to the Jewish faith would guarantee his offspring a better chance at good reviews and maybe even a prize at the Sundance Film Festival or an Oscar.'"
  • Here is the e-Bay listing.
  • I still think it's bullshit, but Gallo is a weird dude, so ... maybe ...

NOTE AFTER THE FACT: eBay pulled the auction, so either it was bullshit or they find it inappropriate content. (They do not specify.)


NOTE EVER FURTHER AFTER THE FACT: The commenter below noted that the auction was pulled because bodily fluids may not be trafficked. I guess that means it may really have been Gallo. Or not.


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Blogger Poor Justin said...

Illegal content. Can't sell bodily fluids in any form on EBay.

 

"Bin Laden Captured After Foolishly Deciding To Attend Halloween Dance In Nebraska"


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Study Reveals People Not Paying Enough Attention to Studies
  • 40.3% said they "completely ignored" any scientific discoveries that are not related to the upcoming Tom Cruise and Katie Holmes wedding.


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DiCaprio Delights in musical comedy remake: "Crime and Punishment: The Little Raskol"
  • The action of the drama is moved from dreary St. Petersburg to sunny Santa Barbara. Raskolnikov is still a poor and disturbed student, but now a college sophomore at the University of California grappling with the moral conundrum of whether to pledge a fraternity filled with the braying and vapid illiterati whose company he scorns, or to descend into the yawning abyss of moral degradation that awaits him in a dingy off-campus studio apartment (he chooses the latter).
  • The psychic torture of Raskolnikov's dilemma – whether it is morally justifiable to take the life of a pawnbroker to save, as he sees it, the life of his sister – is brilliantly brought to life by DiCaprio in the tap-dance number "Death Ain't No Slouch for a Christian", in which he attempts to justify the killing by the twin beliefs that his sister's life will be better, and that the pawnbroker will go to heaven.



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Lennon's White Suit from "Abbey Road" Sells for $118K. No mention of whether it came with two pairs of pants.


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JURY FOUND DEAD AFTER TOUR OF VITELLO'S WITH BLAKE
  • "The jury in the wrongful-death civil suit against Robert Blake was found murdered outside Vitello's Restaurant in Studio City, California after taking a trip to the restaurant with the actor."
  • "After finishing the reenactment, Blake walked out with the jurors but the realized he had forgotten his gun inside Vitello’s. When he came back outside, he called police to say he found every single juror dead inside their bus."


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STAR WARS DVD TO FEATURE ALTERNATE "GOOD DIALOGUE" TRACK ... "Lucas responds to fan demands of non vomit-inducing dialogue for final DVD"
  • However, Kasdan declined an assignment to do a “good dialogue” track for “Episode 2: Attack of the Clones.” According to his agent, Kasdan believes that that “watching the romantic scenes at the end of that movie enough times to rewrite them could be severely hazardous for my mental health.”



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Man, I'm going to have to start labeling these "spoof" and "real." This one sounds like a spoof, but it's the real deal. "Madonna says she is not interested in acting in any more movies, but she does want to direct"


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Now that's a bad day: Favre is picked off five times, and is stripped of the ball by a fan. And on the last two plays, trying for a tie, he was sacked and threw an illegal pass after a bizarre call. Ouch. His worst day since the premiere of There's Something About Mary.


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"under-accomplished celebrity brothers" (pretty funny, although sometimes unjustly cruel)


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The Walter Mitty movie is back off again. Owen Wilson has dropped out of the project.


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Brewster Jennings Protects America: The Google Map Hunt Game (Plays like Carmen Sandiego)


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For Sale: Britain's underground city.
  • Here's your chance. So far the only other bidder is Dick Cheney.
  • They don't exactly know what to do with it. My suggestion: name it Parts Unknown, and make it a haven for masked wrestlers.
  • Kidding aside, this is a fascinating article.


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Willie Nelson presents the next governor of the great state of Texas: Kinky Friedman.


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