Thursday, January 05, 2006

"Analysts Estimate 1.3 Million X360s Sold
Microsoft appears to be falling short of quarterly sales goals."
  • OK, I'll ask the obvious question. How can you fall short of sales goals when you sell every single unit you produce?
  • Or, to word it another way, if Microsoft only had 1.3 million units to begin with, why did the forecast call for them selling more than that?


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Gadget lovers - here are complete reports from the Consumer Electronics Show


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Clinton Portis's mom reportedly punches out a fan


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Where Are They Now .... The Griswold Kids


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It could have been worse. At least you didn't get these things for Christmas.


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Survival Guide to Drunken New Year's Eve Sex
  • Oops! Sorry if you got the advice too late. My apologies to any of you who did not survive. Well, my apologies technically go to your loved ones if you did not survive, but you know what I mean, or at least you would if you were still with us.


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Troubled teen star Lindsay Lohan has sparked rumours she is pregnant ... after a friend was photographed bringing unusual items to Lohan's bedside, including a pregnancy testing kit and a box of Cocoa Puffs.
  • So she's not only pregnant, but Cuckoo as well?
  • Wow, I am impressed by Lohan's efforts so far this year. Between the asthma, the Vanity Fair drug and bulemia confessions, and the quasi-pregnancy, she's packed a full year's worth of celebrity shenanigans into these five short days. She's driven Brangelina off the gossip sites completely! Of course, Cruise still has managed to come up with the postponed wedding, and Paris Hilton has the lawsuits, but apart from that, Lohan has OWNED 2006.


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"President Bush called Texas coach Mack Brown on Thursday morning to congratulate the Longhorns"
  • Unfortunately, Brown's answering machine was already full
  • President Bush seems to be showing Nixonion symptoms. He called Brown at 6 AM, on a morning after the coach had partied well into the night


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Gates says Google still on their "honeymoon"
  • I guess that explains why they want to fuck him 24/7


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Tip o' the cap department: Looking back on ESPN.com's pre-season NFL power rankings
  • Man, they sure had these nailed! Here are the teams they rated 25-29 out of the 32 in the NFL: (actuals in parens). Giants 25th (11-5, won division), Bears 26th (11-5, won division and first round playoff bye), Tampa Bay 27th (11-5, won division), Dolphins 28th (9-7, won last six games), Redskins 29th (10-6, made playoffs)
  • They also ranked the Eagles second best in the NFL (they finished last in their division), and ranked the Jets 9th best (they sucked so bad they may get Vince Young if he skips his senior year!)


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Emily Stern abruptly quit an Off-Off-Broadway religious satire in which cast members strip naked. The show's creator blasted her, and called her famous father, Howard Stern, 'a psycho.'


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Cuba paid Oswald to kill Kennedy, per new documentary
  • "Cuba lay behind the 1963 assassination of President John F. Kennedy by Lee Harvey Oswald and its agents provided the gunman with money and support, an award-winning German director says in a new documentary film"


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Italian court to decide whether Jesus existed
  • At the heart of the dispute is an atheist suing the Catholic Church for swindling and conning people into believing in the godhood of someone who never existed in the first place
  • He wants an Italian judge to rule that Christ never existed? That atheist better learn to pray fast, because he needs a miracle.


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Indiana's WTWO is refusing to air a new NBC series that features Jesus Christ as a supporting character.
  • Hey, c'mon, His agent pushed Him for the lead, but there are no good agents in heaven


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"WHICH three-way celebrity sex video could be headed to the Internet any day now?"
  • "We hear that a '90s-era rock star taped a menage a trois with a porn star and the ex-husband of one of our favorite Hollywood hellcats in the bathroom of L.A.'s trashtastic Roosevelt Hotel. Now, two of the three carnal combatants are eager to release the freaky footage."


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UNCONFIRMED REPORTS say PRIME MINISTER SHARON IS BRAIN DEAD, joining Chirac and Bush among major world leaders.


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Enron defendants' lawyers decry Houston's bias
  • "Noting that some potential jurors think ex-Enron CEO Jeff Skilling 'would lie to his mother if it would further his cause' and ex-Chairman Ken Lay is a 'lowdown scumbag' their lawyers are asking once again that their trial be moved."
  • In searching for a place where potential jurors do not find Lay a scumbag, his attorneys have settled on either Uzbekistan or Dick Cheney's undisclosed location.


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X-Entertainment: Book Reports of Children's Books.


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Lettermania: "Top Ten Questions To Ask Yourself Before Getting Free Surgery"
  • #2 - "Wasn't that Joan Rivers in the waiting room?


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Arrow In The Head's Top 10 favourite genre films of 2005


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Fake Quotes of the Year: 2005


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Conan, Max and Triumph look back on last year's resolutions


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The trailer for She's the Man, a modern day youth comedy loosely based on Shakespeare's Twelfth Night.
  • "It's hard enough being the nerdy new guy on campus without also being the new girl on campus, who has fallen for the coolest guy on campus, who is totally obsessed with the most beautiful girl on campus, who is crushing on the nerdy new guy on campus. Viola Johnson (Amanda Bynes) had her own good reasons for disguising herself as her twin brother Sebastian (James Kirk) and enrolling in his place at his new boarding school, Illyria Prep. She was counting on Sebastian being AWOL from school as he tried to break into the music scene in London. What she didn't count on was falling in love with her hot roommate, Duke (Channing Tatum), who in turn only has eyes for the beautiful Olivia (Laura Ramsey). Making matters worse, Olivia is starting to fall for Sebastian, who - for reasons Olivia couldn't begin to guess - appears to be the sensitive type of guy she'd always dreamed of meeting. If things weren't complicated enough, the real Sebastian has come back from London two days earlier than expected and arrives on campus having no clue that he's been replaced... by his own twin sister."


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The trailer for Dirty. Official blurb:
  • "From writer-director Chris Fisher ('Rampage: The Hillside Strangler Murders,' 'Nightstalker'), comes 'Dirty,' an edgy, suspenseful and action-packed story about a day in the life of two corrupt cops going for one final score. Gang member-turned-cop Armando Sancho (Clifton Collins Jr./'Capote') begins to question the life he and his partner Salim Adel (Cuba Gooding Jr.) have chosen. Sancho must decide whether to heed his conscience or his loyalty to his fellow officers as the two rogue cops agree to run a lucrative, illegal operation for the station's top brass (Keith David and Cole Hauser). Focusing on an adrenaline-fueled urban drama set in a decaying American metropolis, 'Dirty' cuts through the thin blue line between police corruption, gang violence and street justice. Rooted in neo-noir storytelling that pays tribute to writers like Raymond Carver and Dashiel Hammett, shot in an aggressive, pseudo-documentary style that puts the audience in the driver seat, peppered with just enough subtext, humor and poetry to elevate the film above mere genre convention, and buoyed by an all-star cast."


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Screen Actors Guild Award nominations announced
  • "The nominees for best actor in a film are Russell Crowe ('Cinderella Man'), Philip Seymour Hoffman ('Capote'), Heath Ledger ('Brokeback Mountain'), Joaquin Phoenix ('Walk the Line') and David Strathairn ('Good Night, and Good Luck').
  • That is the same roster which comprised the "Drama" category from the Golden Globes, except Phoenix crossed over from "Comedy/Musical" to supplant Terrence Howard for the fifth slot.
  • Surprising to me, Howard was nominated for neither best actor (Hustle and Flow) nor best supporting actor (Crash). I'm OK with the best actor nominees, I guess (I haven't seen Brokeback Mountain), but I would have nominated either Howard or Mickey Rourke (Sin City) in the supporting category, rather than George Clooney.
  • I would, however, completely support Clooney for a nomination for best director. As I see it, there are three guys who should be (but will not all be) shoo-ins for best director nominations: Clooney, Robert Rodriguez and Peter Jackson. I don't see any sign that Rodriguez will be nominated, despite his skillful, innovative work. The academy doesn't much care for sleazy genre films these days.
  • The nominees for best actress in a film are Judi Dench ('Mrs. Henderson Presents'), Felicity Huffman ('Transamerica'), Charlize Theron ('North Country'), Reese Witherspoon ('Walk the Line') and Ziyi Zhang ('Memoirs of a Geisha')."


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"Scarlett Johansson has signed a deal to be the new spokesmodel for L'Oreal."


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The results of AskMen.com's poll for the Top 99 Women of 2006


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The trailer for Bareback Mountain
  • Forbidden love between a man and a horsie. A MALE horsie.


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UPS picks the Weirdest Stories of 2005
  • This one is both funny and profoundly sad: "Daryl Atkins, a Virginia capital-murder inmate who had previously registered an IQ lower than the minimum-70 needed for execution, scored a 76, and a jury then sent him to death row. Legal experts attributed the improvement in IQ to the intellectual stimulation Atkins received from discussing his case with lawyers."
  • Instead of the five obvious punch lines in that story, I'd like to point out that his improvement proves he IS retarded, not that he isn't. If he were of normal intelligence, he would certainly have answered the questions wrong to save his ass, as any of us would have. If I had been in his shoes, I would have scored an IQ of about 9 on that test. Of course, I wouldn't have to fake it - that's the same as I scored in eighth grade.


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