Monday, January 09, 2006

Legend: "E-mail records comments made in the year 1955." STATUS: FALSE


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Broadcast Critics hot for gay cowboy film 'Brokeback Mountain'
  • Best actor and actress went to Hoffman and Witherspoon


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Postal Service Marks Rate Hike with R. Kelly Stamp


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Reality show update
  • "By dating 25 women at one time, Dr. Travis Stork probably won't win many fans among feminists. Perhaps, though, he'll help dispel the reality-TV stereotype that all Southerners are ignorant, dim-witted, beer-swilling buffoons."
  • Obviously not true. Many of us are ignorant, dim-witted MOONSHINE-swilling buffoons. We call them "aristocrats."


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"PAT ROBERTSON: SATAN CAUSED CHENEY�S SHORTNESS OF BREATH ...Devil Laid Veep Low, Evangelist Says"
  • “Vice President Cheney is dedicated to defeating the evildoers in Iraq, and that angered the evilest doer of all, Satan”


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The Daily Show: Pierce Brosnan looks like a Civil War gent and talks about walking around in a bikini.


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The Daily Show's "Jason Jones spends some time with of a group of spearchuckers who just want to kill things."


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The 2006 predictions of The Amazing Kreskin
  • "There will be a fad of practical jokes in which ice cubes will play a role whether they are dropped down people's backs, placed in packets, or what have you."


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Ten architectural wonders of the new China


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The Chocolate Clone-A-Willy lets you make an exact milk chocolate copy of your penis
  • The perfect Valentine's Day gift - well, I mean as a gift for people already familiar with your real penis, and within that group probably not for your mom or your gym teacher.


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"Broadway has a new long-run champion: 'The Phantom of the Opera.'"
  • I can see why it passed "Cats." Although I struggled with wakefulness, I did stay awake throughout Phantom of the Opera. I was sawing logs during Cats


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Hilary Swank and Husband Chad Lowe Split
  • The reason for the dissolution is that, while Lowe is 7 years older than Swank, he looks 7 years younger - ample grounds under Hollywood laws


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A Brit-Tv classic: Blackadder meets William Shakespeare (Colin Firth plays Shakespeare)


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Matthew Broderick, Nathan Lane Get Their Stars


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The film awards that REALLY matter - the ones for "adult" films
  • My favorite winner: Best Specialty Release, Big Bust Genre - "Faster Pussycat! Fuck! Fuck!" (Russ Meyer would so proud.)


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U.S. Olympic women's hockey team loses a squeaker - to a high school team


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"Vengeful mouse sets house ablaze"


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Some interesting ideas: Google Hacks


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'Lost' star Naveen Andrews admits fathering child while separated briefly from his longtime girlfriend.
  • I know it doesn't sound like our kind of story. The twist which makes the story interesting is that his longtime girlfriend is actress Barbara Hershey, who is 57. He's 35.
  • If memory serves, they worked together on her last nude scenes in Drowning on Dry Land


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WTF?? Brooke Burke Hanging With The Burger King


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Detroit Auto Show 2006 Coverage


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Some stills from Guillermo del Toro's new film, Pan's Labyrinth.
  • Del Toro (Hellboy, Blade II) wrote and directed.
  • Pan´s Labyrinth is the story of a young girl that travels with her mother and adoptive father to a rural area up North in Spain, 1944. After Franco´s victory. The girl lives in an imaginary world of her own creation and faces the real world with much chagrin. Post-war Fascist repression is at its height in rural Spain and the girl must come to terms with that through a fable of her own.


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Howard pays it back."The day before Stern's Sirius debut ... subscription telephone activation was delayed nine hours due to caller volume."


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Illustration from withdrawn Yellow Pages ad reveals risque image when a portion of it is viewed upside-down.
  • It would have been tragic if this had gone unnoticed. Thank God the guardians of our morality have time to read the Yellow Pages upside down.


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Sunday's New York Film Critics Circle kicked off movie awards season
  • Best picture and director: Brokeback Mountain
  • Actor and actress: Ledger and Witherspoon


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Macaulay Culkin writes a scary family saga centering on a troubled child star
  • I don't know how close it is to his real life, but it sounds depressing if it is true.
  • I think Mac gave possibly the best performance I have ever seen from a child when he was just a tiny tyke - in Jacob's Ladder


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The trailer from Clerks 2


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There are some dumb legislators out there, but I think we may have found the dumbest ever! "A state senator wants to force Missouri stores to sell warm beer"
  • "He said the idea came from a fifth-grade student in Jefferson County who was participating in a program to teach elementary students about state government."
  • That's what we need - more policies written by fifth graders! (Well, at least President Bush could understand them!)
  • Case after case has shown that such a proposal would not reduce alcohol sales and in fact, would probably increase the DWI incidents! I suppose that's the kind of results you can expect when fifth graders write the laws. Facts here.


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Teddi Bruschi wins comeback player of the year. And how did Bruschi do it you may ask? Here's a funny audio file with an explanation


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MovieJuice! takes a jaundiced look at Hostel
  • "wherever you find genocide and human misery, a throng of American college students looking to get laid can't be far behind."
  • "The women in Hostel come in three flavors. Variety A: Is putting her clothes on. Variety B: Is taking her clothes off. Variety C: Revels in the absence of clothes and wouldn't think of interrupting her busy day to bother with them."
  • "This movie is said to be inspired by a true story, specifically the story of how writer/director Eli Roth needs to eat and how Lions Gate needs to solidify its reputation as the premier provider of genre films that are best enjoyed after a big-ass blunt."


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Notes on the word "faire" (the link is irrelevant)
  • As you may know, there was no standardized English spelling during the English Renaissance.
  • The OED lists four instances in the 15th through 17th centuries of "fair" being used as a noun meaning "a gathering for trade and entertainment."
  • The four citations used four different spellings: faire, fayre, faier, fare. The only use of "faire" was in a biblical translation.
  • The three pre-Renaissance citations are spelled: feyre, feire, and faire
  • Dr Johnson published his dictionary in 1755. All of the post-Johnson references are spelled "fair."
  • In other words, "faire" is not "the way it was spelled then." There was no "way it was spelled then," and virtually every conceivable spelling variation was used at one time or another during and before the English Renaissance. It is, rather, a contrived marketing term used to stamp a place or event with a cachet of quaint old-world charm, ala "ye olde shoppe."


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Tom Green wanders into Weird Al territory with an obscene rap parody.


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Bloodrayne, as reviewed by that master of subtlety, The Filthy Critic
  • Bloodrayne sucks goat tits. It sucks shit and smelly ass. It sucks the husks off corn, the foreskin off dicks, the shit off the submissive in a Dirty Sanchez. It sucks harder and more sloppily than a Bennigan's waitress on her lunch break, but costs slightly less. It is, however, better than Alone in the Dark (the director's previous movie - ed.). That's not to say it's good, it's just that it's like getting a staph infection below the knee instead of the entire leg.
  • For the actors, appearing in a Uwe Boll is a declaration that they act for money and have costly addictions that must be fed.
  • Costumes have a vague sense of old timeyness, as though the costume designer pillaged the rennaissance faire at the "special" school. The girls wear midriff-baring bustiers and hotpants similar to those Randy "Macho Man" Savage wore in the 80s and also, I guess, waifs of ancient time liked on a cold wintery night.
  • There are more fights in Bloodrayne than at nickel beer night in Comiskey Park.
  • We get to see Lokken's tits a bunch, and they are very nice. In the middle of the movie there is some sort of vampire orgy with fake blood and lots of writhing. Watch in the background of this scene to see actors who are clearly as uncomfortable with this horrid attempt at eroticism as I was. Meatloaf rubs blood on one lady's nipple, and others lounge around half-naked dripping endlessly like snot from a hooker on an endless coke bender.


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Frvade - The hardest enigma on the internet
  • 393298 people have tried to solve this puzzle, 0 have succeeded.


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Ive always felt the British to be a sensible people, and now I'm sure of it: British laws allow eviction for playing Britney Spears music.


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10 Questions for Dave Barry


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"BLOODRAYNE's $1.2 MILLION WEEKEND BOX OFFICE ESTIMATE OFF BY $1,199,991.75"
  • "Executives at some other studios complained that “Bloodrayne” shouldn’t get credit for its $8.25, as it was paid by a 19 year-old college student in San Diego who bought the ticket in order to get into a sold out showing of Hostel."


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The first six minutes from Running Scared
  • Paul Walker ("The Fast and the Furious") stars in the fast-paced crime drama "Running Scared" from critically acclaimed director Wayne Kramer ("The Cooler"). Walker plays a low-level mobster who, in order to save his family, must recover a gun used in a mob hit before it's found by his bosses or the cops.


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Howard Stern Makes Debut on Satellite
  • "Howard Stern began his new satellite radio show on Monday by putting to rest rumors that he got married to his longtime girlfriend, model Beth Ostrosky in a comment complete with a federally banned expletive."


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