Tuesday, November 21, 2006

Today honoring an "other crappy" legend ... Instant Kava



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Well, we're not sure of the current status of the missing penis, but we do have a Britney sex tape update: Lawyer: There's no Federline-Spears sex tape


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Letterman's Top Ten Things Overheard at the TomKat Wedding
  • "We never should've let the guy who played Kramer make a toast"


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Dad takes the family to Spatula City (From Weird Al's underrated movie, UHF)


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Here's the complete video of Kramer's racist tirade.
  • Just hearing about it doeesn't prepare you for how ugly it really is


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100 Girls and 100 Octopuses


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For those on your Xmas list too special for the cappuccino-scented dog poop soap, we're pleased to report that Screech's sex tape is here!!


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VIETNAM VISIT 2006: President's Remarks During Historic Stop in Puny, Dirt-Poor Backwater That Whooped America's Superpower Ass:
  • " ... if that Hanoi Hilton is even half as nice as the Hanoi Sheraton I'm staying in, John McCain had better stop whining and blubbering about the five years he got to lounge around there."


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The plans for OJ's book and TV special have been scrapped, but If I Did It! The Musical survives!


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Conan welcomes the Bond Girls


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Rove, Satan Split Over Midterm Defeat
  • "One of the longest-standing and most successful political partnerships in recent history came to an abrupt end today as White House strategist Karl Rove and Satan publicly split over the GOP's thumping in the midterm elections"


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The legendary Robert Altman, iconoclastic director, is dead at 81


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Christmas shopping will be a breeze this year. We've found the perfect gift for EVERYONE on your list! "This is high quality, cappuccino-scented soap that appears to be a big pile of dog-doo!!" Talk about niche marketing!


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Missing penis update!! Mystery penis in mortuary still unclaimed


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Headline of the day: Marsh gas to replace cow dung in Tibet. Amazingly enough, the story is even more disgusting than the headline. Wait until you see what they are used for.


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This week's movies. Six new releases highlight the 5-day Thanksgiving weekend.

  • Deja Vu - 3100 theaters - 64% positive reviews - (Denzel thriller.)
  • Deck the Halls - 3000 theaters - unreviewed - (DeVito/Broderick X-Mas comedy)
  • Tenacious D - 1800 theaters - 63% positive reviews - (Jack Black rock comedy)
  • Bobby - 1400 theaters - 49% positive reviews - (Ensemble drama taking place around the Bobby Kennedy assassination)
  • The Fountain - 1300 theaters - 52% positive reviews - (Aronofsky's arty, surrealistic love story which has received every possible grade from critics.)
  • For Your Consideration - 600 theaters - 52% positive reviews - (Christopher Guest comedy. Guest is a critical darling, so if his new movie pulls only a 52%, I reckon it's a major disappointment.


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The Weekend Warrior's box office analysis for the upcoming weekend.
  • He thinks Happy Feet and Bond will hold the 1-2 slots against five so-so newcomers, headed by Denzel's new thriller.


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Jesus appears on the backside of a beloved family terrier.


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Britney is reportedly contemplating posting her sex tape on the internet for free, just to keep Federline from making a profit on it! Sounds like a win-win for everyone in the world but Federline.


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SOMETHING IN EACH PIX CHANGES GRADUALLY. Spot it, click it, do another.


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Nice reference. Definitely bookmark-worthy: Monty Python's Flying Circus - Every single word of every single show! (except the animations)


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Picture essays > Stuff that people write on money


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Animals Darwin never dreamt of ... but then again, he never had Photoshop


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Something Awful: Lowtax interviews Mike Nelson
  • Submitter wrote:

    Just a podcast interview promoting rifftrax.com, nothing spectacular.

    But...( and this is important)

    ...But Rifftrax is hilarious. I bought the trax for Star Wars: Phantom Menace and it was pants wettingly funny. It costarred Kevin (servo) Murphy. Seriously, this is an absolute must hear.


    Obiwan: Master, I sense danger

    KM: Master...the script. I sense disaster!



    Jar-Jar: Messa called Jar-Jar Binks!

    KM: Jar-Jar is beyond racially offensive. I find, he is offensive in a more metaphysical sense.

    MJN: So you're saying Jar-Jar offends your soul?
    KM: Yes Mike. Yes, exactly, Jar-Jar offends my very soul!



    Padme: Will no one stand for the Republic?

    KM: Joe Lieberman?



    Anakin's owner begins speaking

    KM: So what offensive stereotype is he supposed to be? I can't make it out. Italian? Greek? Mexican?

    MJN: None of the above, Kevin. I think Lucas was going for a racial caricature that would be as broadly offensive as possible.



    This was the best $2.99, I have spent in the last year. No kidding, try it.



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Michael Richards (Kramer) Apologizes on Letterman
  • The submitter wrote: "AWKWARD!!!!!! I had to turn the volume off half way through. It's pretty unbearable. Like watching your grandpa slowly go senile."


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