Friday, March 16, 2007

Color Me Kubrick - Trailer
"For months Alan Conway (John Malkovich), a perfect stranger, passed himself off as one of the greatest film directors of all time, Stanley Kubrick. Conway knew nothing of the filmmaker or his films, but this didn't prevent him from using and abusing the credulity of those who thought they had come in contact with the mythical and equally discreet director."


Posted: 9:12 PM ... Links to this post ...
Post a Comment? (There are currently 0 Comments, seen below.)

"Who the hell is running for president?
Mo Rocca surveys the field for the Tonight Show.


Posted: 9:08 PM ... Links to this post ...
Post a Comment? (There are currently 0 Comments, seen below.)

What has Satan been up to recently?


Posted: 9:05 PM ... Links to this post ...
Post a Comment? (There are currently 0 Comments, seen below.)

Sinbad's condition upgraded to alive
Interviewed by reporters through his drive-through window, he said, "Hell, yes, I'm alive. Any apple pies with that?"


Posted: 8:58 PM ... Links to this post ...
Post a Comment? (There are currently 0 Comments, seen below.)

Will A-Rod opt out of his contract?
I would in his case. He's still arguably the best overall player in baseball. Here's what I would do if I were A-Rod. I would become a free agent and send the Rockies a contract and say, "Fill in what you think is fair." Then I would break pretty much every record in the history of baseball and be worshipped as a god in Colorado. When you have all the money you need, living well is the best reward.

This would also be good for baseball fans, who almost universally hate Barry Bonds, because A-Rod would eventually bury almost every one of Bonds's records. (Except maybe the 120 intentional walks in one season. That one seems unbreakable.)


Posted: 8:54 PM ... Links to this post ...
Post a Comment? (There are currently 0 Comments, seen below.)

"Valerie Plame Wilson asserted that she was in fact a covert officer at the time that columnist Robert Novak revealed her employment at the CIA."
Plame stated, "It was not common knowledge on the Georgetown cocktail circuit that everyone knew where I worked."


Posted: 8:46 PM ... Links to this post ...
Post a Comment? (There are currently 0 Comments, seen below.)

Tara Reid Needs A Little Support
(More pics of the actress in her braless see-through)


Posted: 8:42 PM ... Links to this post ...
Post a Comment? (There are currently 0 Comments, seen below.)

"Musicmaker DALLAS AUSTIN has alleged female pop stars CHRISTINA AGUILERA and JOSS STONE offered to perform sexual favours in exchange for his producing skills on their albums."


Posted: 8:40 PM ... Links to this post ...
Post a Comment? (There are currently 0 Comments, seen below.)

Lohan runs over a paparazzo


Posted: 8:33 PM ... Links to this post ...
Post a Comment? (There are currently 0 Comments, seen below.)

Nutburger item of the day: Larry King did not kill Marilyn Monroe. Bobby Kennedy and Peter Lawford did it.
"It stated Lawford made 'special arrangements' with the psychiatrist that saw Monroe given a high quantity of her prescription medication. It said on the same day, Kennedy made a phone call from St Charles Hotel, San Francisco to Lawford 'to find out if Marilyn was dead yet.'

Here's a tip for you youngsters who want to be politicians: take a lesson from this story and sprinkle your lies with colorful details. Don't just say "I called Joe on Tuesday," but "I called Joe Tuesday morning after eating my third cup of Lucky Charm, from the St Charles Hotel in San Francisco." Make sure to use real place and product names.


Posted: 8:25 PM ... Links to this post ...
Post a Comment? (There are currently 0 Comments, seen below.)

Tara Reid in a see-through top


Posted: 8:04 PM ... Links to this post ...
Post a Comment? (There are currently 0 Comments, seen below.)

Some great photos from the Miss Hooters Pageant, 2007


Posted: 8:01 PM ... Links to this post ...
Post a Comment? (There are currently 0 Comments, seen below.)

"I Want To Be Stephen's Black Friend"


Posted: 7:59 PM ... Links to this post ...
Post a Comment? (There are currently 0 Comments, seen below.)

BORAT STAR SCARED TO VISIT KAZAKHSTAN
Sacha (Borat) actually wants to go. It's the other star, the little fat guy, who is afraid.


Posted: 7:37 PM ... Links to this post ...
Post a Comment? (There are currently 0 Comments, seen below.)

I don't normally do book reviews. I wouldn't even know how to begin one. But I thought I'd make an exception for The Jesus Family Tomb


Posted: 7:07 PM ... Links to this post ...
Post a Comment? (There are currently 0 Comments, seen below.)

Who is the best character on television?
It's an internet voting thing, so the nerds win the day. A Battlestar Galactica character is beating Homer Simpson! At least Dr House and Ari Gold are still in the running. Cartman was never in the bracket.


Posted: 1:53 PM ... Links to this post ...
Post a Comment? (There are currently 0 Comments, seen below.)

Cate Blanchett is added to the cast of 'Indiana Jones 4'


Posted: 1:45 PM ... Links to this post ...
Post a Comment? (There are currently 0 Comments, seen below.)

Bill Maher - New Rules 3/10
"Why does Mitt Romney bad-mouth Massachusetts? You don't hear Bush say bad things about Texas, or Dick Cheney about Transylvania."


Posted: 1:40 PM ... Links to this post ...
Post a Comment? (There are currently 0 Comments, seen below.)

Blood, Guts & Balls - Hollywood's Manliest Directors


Posted: 1:33 PM ... Links to this post ...
Post a Comment? (There are currently 0 Comments, seen below.)

The more you laugh, the longer you live


Posted: 1:18 PM ... Links to this post ...
Post a Comment? (There are currently 0 Comments, seen below.)

This album REALLY stinks: "Heavy rock group THE COUNTY MEDICAL EXAMINERS are using the latest scratch-and-sniff technology to give their new album the whiff of rotting meat."


Posted: 1:13 PM ... Links to this post ...
Post a Comment? (There are currently 0 Comments, seen below.)

Sosa a big hit, makes Rangers' 40-man roster
He wowed 'em yesterday with a towering 500 foot homer in a spring game


Posted: 1:09 PM ... Links to this post ...
Post a Comment? (There are currently 0 Comments, seen below.)

Internet censorship spreading globally


Posted: 1:03 PM ... Links to this post ...
Post a Comment? (There are currently 0 Comments, seen below.)

URL pretty much says it all: FreeSinfulComics.com
Not QUITE all. (1) It's a celebrity cartoon porn site (2) It's actually a pay site, but I linked to it because the free page is fun to look at.


Posted: 12:59 PM ... Links to this post ...
Post a Comment? (There are currently 0 Comments, seen below.)

Speed Painting with Ketchup and French Fries


Posted: 12:55 PM ... Links to this post ...
Post a Comment? (There are currently 0 Comments, seen below.)

Advice to Young Men from an Old Man
My additions to the list:

1. Beware silly spellings. A safe bet is a woman named Susan who calls herself Sue. Probably a down-to-earth person. Suzi can be risky, but might be fun, even with a heart instead of a dot over the "i." Avoid anyone named Soo, Suzen, Sooz, Sioux, etc. For confirmation, consult Frank Gifford. The silly spelling rule is almost 100% reliable. All women with pretentious spelling in their names are trouble, whether it was their choice or their parents'.

2. Avoid all political affiliations. Political systems are identical to religions. They force you to accept things that are ridiculous in order to get mass confirmation of the few things you agree with. Political systems are also exactly identical to racism in that they force you to make preposterous assumptions about people and situations in order to get them to conform to your pre-ordained world-view. This is why Republicans will try to come up with all sorts of bizarre and hypocritical reasons to defend Alberto Gonzales's outrageous denial of the constitutional right to habeus corpus, and why Democrats will try come up with all sorts of bizarre and hypocritical reasons to explain why it's OK to fire 93 political appointees for purely political reasons and replace them with political cronies, but wrong to fire 9!

3. Everyone knows that life's too short to dance with ugly women, but nobody ever tells you that life's too short to dance with beautiful women if you don't like dancing. Do the things you really want to do, not the things that will get you laid. If you do the latter, you will get more poon, but you will end up in all the wrong relationships, and will have to listen to a lot of Celine Dion music, and that's too high a price to pay for poon. If you just want to buy poon, you can always find it available at a reasonable price. And hookers never turn on an Enya tape unless you specifically request it.


Posted: 12:46 PM ... Links to this post ...
Post a Comment? (There are currently 0 Comments, seen below.)

Is your name on the "no-fly" list? Check it out.
The odds are said to be 1 in 12, rising to 1 in 1 if your name has "Mohammad" in it anywhere.


Posted: 12:19 PM ... Links to this post ...
Post a Comment? (There are currently 0 Comments, seen below.)

Irish Breasts for St. Paddy's Day: Erin Go Braless


Posted: 12:16 PM ... Links to this post ...
Post a Comment? (There are currently 0 Comments, seen below.)

Other Other Crap: The Top Ten Crimes Confessed to by Khalid Sheik Mohammed


Posted: 11:57 AM ... Links to this post ...
Post a Comment? (There are currently 0 Comments, seen below.)

In Soviet California, pussy eats you ... "Biggest vagina in the world"
Warning REALLY not safe for work. Not even if you work for Larry Flynt. Not even if your ARE Larry Flynt.


Posted: 9:35 AM ... Links to this post ...
Post a Comment? (There are currently 0 Comments, seen below.)

Photoshop Contest: politicians dressed in drag


Posted: 9:12 AM ... Links to this post ...
Post a Comment? (There are currently 0 Comments, seen below.)

"Britney Spears visits the vet in Malibu with her Mom, sans a bra!"


Posted: 9:09 AM ... Links to this post ...
Post a Comment? (There are currently 0 Comments, seen below.)

The Prison Art Project


Posted: 9:07 AM ... Links to this post ...
Post a Comment? (There are currently 0 Comments, seen below.)

Khalid Sheikh Mohammed "admitted his guilt, according to just obtained military court transcripts."
"I was responsible for the 9/11 operation from A to Z," Mohammed said during the session last Saturday. (Link includes the complete .pdf transcript including his written and oral arguments.)

If you read his entire confession, you'll see he admits responsibility for just about all the world's evil, including:


  • Thousands of deaths.
  • Global warming
  • Setting back the odometers at bin Laden Motors
  • Shooting that old guy in the face, framing Cheney
  • The designated hitter rule
  • Side by Side by Sondheim
  • The assassination of Archduke Ferdinand
  • The murder of Mrs. Richard Kimble
  • New Coke
  • Leisure suits
  • Moccacino
  • The WNBA
  • Talk Like a Pirate Day
  • Yosemite Sam mud flaps
  • Retransmitting games without the expressed written permission of major league baseball
  • The failure of International Geophysical Year
  • The mysterious death of Harry von Zell
  • Steroid use in pro sports.
  • Stuart Smalley
  • The No-Spin Zone
  • Imus in the Morning
  • The greenlighting of Deuce Bigalow: European Gigolo
  • The Oprah Book Club
  • Cop Rock
  • Mr. Bean

Oh, yeah, and OJ ... your hunt for the real killer is over.

Khalid did want to make one thing perfectly clear, however. He said, "I did many evil things, caused many deaths, and never refused anything Osama asked me to do. Except once. Every man has a line of evil which he will not cross. Even Hitler. Even me. I had nothing to do with that remake of The Wicker Man. I told bin Laden he was on his own with that sucker."

"Oh, and I also had nothing to do with Anna Nicole's death. Uncle Scoopy was right about that one. It was a Larry King job."


Posted: 12:59 AM ... Links to this post ...
Post a Comment? (There are currently 0 Comments, seen below.)