Wednesday, April 04, 2007

Roger Ebert says "40 years is not enough"
He began his career as the movie reviewer for the Sun-Times on April 2, 1967


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Most boring Jenna Jameson biopic ever: Scarlett Johansson Says No To Nudity


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The 18 greatest TV drinkeries
A few they forgot:

The Long Branch Saloon on Gunsmoke

Isaac's area on The Love Boat

Mother's on Peter Gunn


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Voice of 'in a world' becomes a famous face


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The "making of" video for the Lucy Pinder topless spread.


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"Renowned metallurgist Rosie O'Donnell proclaimed on TV last Thursday that Sept. 11, 2001, was a more significant date than most of us realized. It was, in her words, 'the first time in history that fire has ever melted steel.'"
"This, of course, came as news to steelworkers, blacksmiths, firefighters, manufacturers of samurai swords, and other fools who hadn't realized that steel is forged in magic furnaces using dragon breath and pixie dust."


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OJ sues Fred Goldman
Fred lost the moral high ground on this issue when he said that he absolutely thought it was disgusting that the book would be published, then said it was OK as long as he was the one profiting from it.

My question is this. How low do you have to sink before you can lose the moral high ground to OJ? I think the answer is related to quicksand.

One really has to hold one's nose to read about this case. Needless to say, Nicole's family still thinks the book is disgusting and should not be published. But then again ... maybe they just want their cut.


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50 Sexiest Celebrity Nipple Slips
Actually there are 45 real ones. The last five are fakes.


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Iran to release British sailors immediately.


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Where (and How) Evolution Is Taught In the US
It's mostly what you would expect, but there are some real surprises in the map. Massachusetts is knocked for "creationist jargon," while the Carolinas are praised for teaching the subject properly!

By the way, the info is sightly dated.


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Extremely energetic guy on The Price is Right


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If you are interested in the new NBC improv show Thank God You're Here, episode 1 is online.


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BUSH OUTDOES KEITH RICHARDS: SNORTS HIS DAD AND THE ENTIRE IRAQ STUDY GROUP
"THE OLD MAN AND HIS CRONIES WERE JUST GETTIN' IN THE WAY."


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EVANGELICALS DEMAND A "WHITE CHOCOLATE" JESUS


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World's First Spiritual Perfume Introduced
"The world's first spiritual perfume -- Virtue -- was premiered this week by IBI, a niche fragrance company in Orange, CA. Based upon an inspired Biblical formula, the perfume is designed to be a reminder of God, Christ, spiritual self and soul."

I have to say that the strongest combination is still Paris Hilton's "Heiress" perfume, which has the additional bonus of reminding people of both Jesus and hot sex - an unbeatable combo. You can tell because it always makes people say "Jesus! What is that fucking smell in here?" (Thanks to The Comedy Wire for the joke!)


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A restaurant in Beijing has paid $75,000 for a giant golden-coloured tiger fish, a symbol of wealth and good luck.
Well, you can't argue with the logic of it! If you can afford a $75,000 fish, (1) you must be pretty fucking wealthy (2) you must be pretty fucking lucky, because you obviously didn't get rich with brainpower.


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Exposing The Great "Smart Baby" Scam: Why Infants Can't be Hardwired for Success
DVDs and toys that promise to make babies smarter are a multi-billion-dollar industry, but the Washington, DC, think tank Education Sector said most of them are based on misinterpretations of brain research and won't work.

The Comedy Wire pointed out the sad paradox - if you're dumb enough to think these gimmicks will make your kid a genius, then no kid with your DNA has even a remote chance to be a genius!


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The French have set the all-time train speed record
... thus allowing an extremely rapid retreat.


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Oonga galoonga! Al-Qaida targets the Dalai Lama for assassination.


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Emanuelle Around the World has been issued in Joe D'Amato's original XXX European cut
Tuna has the scoop, and some nekkid pictures to boot, at Uncle Scoop's Guest House!


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Did Keef Really Snort His Dad's Ashes? No - It Was A Joke!
Yeah. A joke. That's the ticket.


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The trailer for the sequel that just HAD to be made: Species Quattro


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From our "yeah, right" department: In Mexico, Salma Hayek was considered deformed
Salma, that wasn't Mexico. That was Bizarro World, just across the border from Guatemala.


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Paula Zahn's marriage - destroyed by two lovebirds
Not figurative human lovers, but real lovebirds named Lola and Pale Male


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Christopher Hitchens is at it again with "God Is Not Great: How Religion Poisons Everything"
Hitchens, who says he was once mistaken for the god "Sai Baba" in Sri Lanka, writes, "If I am hit by a bus on the day this book is published, there will certainly be people who will say it was no accident."


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For the three people who haven't seen it yet: Alanis Morissette "My Humps" video


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Ride the Real Estate Roller Coaster
American home prices from 1890 until now, adjusted for inflation, illustrated as a roller coaster. (With a conventional graph at the end.)


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Strange headline o' the day: Public Health Week announced, Sammy the Squirrel introduced


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Best jokes from the Gridiron Dinner
"Referring to Rudy Giuliani's recent comment that he might let his wife attend Cabinet meetings, Mitt Romney, who is Mormon, said, 'If I adopt the same policy, we're going to need a heck of a lot more chairs in the Cabinet room.'"


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Christ Getting In Shape For Second Coming
"Christ has committed Himself to a demanding daily regimen of exercise and prophecy fulfillment. Each of His workouts, Christ said, starts with an hour of cardio, after which He focuses on two muscle groups, replacing conventional free weights with the Rod of Iron with which He intends to rule all nations."


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The trailer for War, Inc - the latest step in the long, sad decline of John Cusack
Between 1985 and 1990, Cusack was in Stand by Me, Say Anything, Eight Men Out, Better Off Dead, and The Grifters. Five years, five classics. Now he's making movies with Hilary Duff. At least it's not a rom-com.

Usually when a celeb's mojo disintegrates before our eyes it's because he has some problem with drugs or booze or illness but, as John Houseman might say, Cusack seems to be doing it the old-fashioned way; he earned it.


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Clifford Irving is not pleased with the way he has been portrayed in Hoax
Why, it's almost as if they just used his name and completely fabricated his biography. Who could be low enough to do such a thing? Oh. Wait.


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Leo DiCaprio and Knut the polar bear, together at last
DiCaprio is on the right.

Knut has become such a celebrity that he probably has a 9/11 conspiracy theory


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Of Human Boredom - Unfinished Books
... the books most likely to be started, not finished; or owned, not read.

Thoughts from a guy who used to be a lit teacher and was a lit major:

Drama was my specialty, not novels, but I did finally read every chapter of Moby Dick, only because I had to teach it in a survey course! It isn't especially good. Melville had a great basic story and was a complete madman, so he had a rich vein of over-the-top ideas as his clay, but he just wasn't that good a writer, and was an incoherent thinker to boot. The book is filled with long digressions and technical whaling minutiae. It makes a much better movie or comic book. (In high school I skipped the book and read the Classics Illustrated Comic - and liked it!)

I'm not even going to try "Remembrance of Things Past."

I have read Ulysses, and didn't find it that difficult, but Finnegans Wake is another matter. I took an entire graduate course dedicated only to Finnegans Wake, and got an A in the class, but still have not read the entire book, and have absolutely no idea what it is about. I'm not sure if anyone does or ever did, not even Joyce himself. Anthony Burgess must have some idea, because he wrote another entire book just to explain it!

As for The Satanic Verses, I thought it was a beautiful and complex bit of writing, but it had no "hook" to make the effort worthwhile, and I set it down after about 50 pages.


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Cincinnati mayor makes the worst ceremonial opening pitch ever


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Halfnaked Kate Moss tells Pete "Rot in jail you cunt!"
"A bizarre home video of Pete Doherty and beauty Kate Moss has been posted on internet site YouTube."

The video is linked at the site, which also has some stills.


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Scary Spice gives birth to Scary 2
Eddie Murphy seems to be the father


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Bam Margera's Wife Missy Rothstein Margera Fully Nude
Wait! Bam is straight? I'm really going to have to start keeping better tabs on these sexual preferences. Snake Plisskin is still straight, isn't he?


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Weird and wild vintage pulp covers
"Satan was a lesbian." I love the use of the past tense. Did he finally get the operation?

"Home Sweet Homo." Undoubtedly about that Will Rogers Motion Picture & Television Retirement Home.

"Kiss My Assassin"

And my own personal favorite, "The Blue Negro." Wait - isn't that an oxymoron? Wouldn't a blue man be called an "Azul." I would call them "azures," but I never use the a-word.


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We've finally found Dick Cheney's undisclosed location! He's hiding in the bushes.


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Canada faces critical shit shortage
There is actually a serious story behind this. The new ethanol craze means that farmers are reviving corn fields which have long remained fallow. Sounds efficient on the surface, and a win-win for everyone, since North America has the capacity to grow a vast amount of additional corn. But this places enormous demands on other segments of the economy which are rushing to keep pace. Fertilizer is the most obvious (and most humorous) example.


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I have no idea what Carmen Electra is doing in these pictures ...
... but they are pretty durned entertaining


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Woman on Horseback Charged With DUI


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Man, 102, takes out 25-year mortgage
Gee, I wonder why the home lending industry is in trouble.


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Couple fights to name baby 'Metallica'
Apparently Swedes do not have the right to name their babies whatever they choose. All names must be approved by the National Tax Board. (I didnt know that.)

One court has already overruled the tax board, but the tax agency appealed to a higher court, frustrating the family's foreign travel plans. "We've had to cancel trips and can't get anywhere because we can't get her a passport without an approved name," Tomaro said.


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This is a real story from the Denver Post: Judge OKs trucker's new name: Ynot Bubba
"Ynot Bubba was the final choice among three names. He had considered Lacon Marlboro, inspired by the town of Lacon, Ala., and his preferred choice of cigarette. He also considered More Chek, from his desire for more money."


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Lucy Pinder finally exposes her breasts
And rather impressive breasts they are! (She has always done "tease" shots.)


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The conspiracy theory du jour: Did Hitler have a Fortress of Solitude in the Antarctic?


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Bonds: a single, a walk, and a stolen base, but Peavy dominates the Giants


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Out Magazine Ranks the Fifty Most Powerful Gays
Boy, am I out of it. I didn't even know some of these people were gay. Like Anderson Cooper, for example.


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Young Brigitte Bardot photo released to mark Cannes' 60th anniversary


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