Thursday, April 05, 2007

"Florida is housing some sex offenders under a bridge along Miami's Julia Tuttle Causeway."
" ... no running water, no electricity and little protection from nasty weather. It's not an ideal solution, Department of Corrections Officials told CNN, but at least the state knows where the sex offenders are."


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"Nancy Phone Home"
Silly picture


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The Sun on Kate Moss: "Since then she's been slowly rotting and now, more than two years on, she's finally gone off."
The Sun does not like this woman. "Here she is in pictured in Malibu, California, looking a real fright. Her teeth are stained and wonky, her hair greasy and face looking rough. As Kate rummaged around on the floor of a shop she had the appearance of a King's Cross crack whore."

Those King's Cross crack whores must look a lot better than the ones on the Staten Island Ferry


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"Cheney for President in 2008"
It's true, Jesus does answer prayers! Where can I volunteer to help out?


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The top one-liners in film history


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10 Sports Movies That Are So Bad They Make Watching Under the Tuscan Sun Seem Enjoyable
With YouTube clips from each one.


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Don't Believe the Hype: The 21 Biggest Technology Flops


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Six seasons of The Sopranos in 7 minutes


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The 5 Most Annoying Banner Ads On The Internet


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Now you can play the Mr Bean video game on Playstation
Better order this one in advance: "The game will task Bean with overcoming traps and solving puzzles in order to recover his missing Teddy bear."


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Edible billboard for Easter!


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Why do British people hate going to the dentist?


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Jimmy Rollins said the Philadelphia Phillies were the team to beat in the NL East. Apparently he was right.
Except he may have left out the word "easiest"

Man, they've been lookin' good, eh? Have any of their hitters made contact yet?


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"Everything -including the kitchen sink - was stripped from a rental home after a Craigslist hoax."


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Blair says there was no deal of any kind on the hostages
Normally I would believe him, but Ahmadinejad agreed, which makes it almost certain that Blair is lying. To my knowledge, Ahmadinehad has never, at any time in his life, told the truth.


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"A man who claimed he found the subject disturbing put his foot through a 17th-century painting valued at $300,000 at the Milwaukee Art Museum."


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Japanese naval officer takes home octopus porn - turns out octopus fucking is an important Japanese naval secret.


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Jimmy Kimmel gives the Cincinnati mayor another chance at the opening pitch


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Round up the usual suspects: Britney Spears, gravy stain, see-through blouse


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I'm dreaming of a white ... Easter??
... including 24 inches of snowfall in Michigan's UP and more than 12 inches in several other places.


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Botched Wrestling Moves


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Matsusaka goes seven innings, fans 10, allows one run
Oh, sure, but I'll bet he used his supernatural powers. That's like the other team batting against Jesus.


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Meet He Pingping, the World's Shortest Man
"He Pingping"? Give me a break. It does offer an opportunity for some new grammar: "I'd like to go with He."

He looks like a mini-me version of Pee-Wee Herman


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Anonymous Anonymous said...

You idiot. "He" is his last name.

Go pick on someone your own size.

 

Drunken Lohan XXX photoshoot
Sounds like bullshit, but with Lohan anything is possible


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Bikinis made out of balloons
Not very attractive as fashion items, but they should be great flotation aids for non-swimmers.


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Women can be just as vein as men.


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Extreme Easter eggs


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Celebrities Smoking Joints


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This is a real headline from the Pueblo Chieftain: "Food-safety experts share some advice: 'Don't eat poop'"
Man, they must really get into some advanced concepts in food safety school.


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Kendra Wilkinson (Girls Next Door) Dances Naked At A Club


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TOP 10 KURT RUSSELL FILMS (Before Grindhouse)
Good stuff. Kurt is underrated. He's a genius at comedy, great in action films, and solid in drama. And, to quote Kurt himself, when he was asked to do a cameo in the remake of Escape from New York, "Fuck that. I AM Snake Plisskin"

Look for a fat Billy Bob Thornton in the scene from Tombstone.



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Used Cars (1980) - faux commercial


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Top 10 Car Chases in Movie History
(With a YouTube video for each one.)


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"Kim Jong Il ate my rabbits for his birthday"
Hey, cut the little guy some slack. It's Easter.


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Rosario Dawson and Rose McGowan Nude on the Cover of Rolling Stone
Despite Rose McGowan's weight loss, she seems to have retained a seriously big chest.


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A gazillion more pictures of Uma in her bikini


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FOX NEWS distorts its own April Fool's Poll
You have to see this to believe it. For April 1 they tried to determine the "most foolish American." Their poll showed that President Bush won by a mile over Britney, and OJ beat out Paris Hilton for third place - but they just ignored the results and said "Britney Spears and Paris Hilton." Only one problem: the guy who makes their graphics kept the president and OJ on the list.


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Are humans hard-wired to believe in God?


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Carl Sagan's "Pale Blue Dot"
"On a mote of dust suspended on a sunbeam"

If you've never seen this, you should. Although only a couple of minutes long, it stands with some of the best work of Michelangelo, Cervantes, or Shakespeare, and inspires the same feeling of awe from its admirers.

I really miss Sagan - scientist, poet, stoner - one of a kind.



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"John Cleese performs his own eulogy at the 2006 International comedy festival held in Montreal."


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Trey Wingo Apologizes For Accidentally Calling Champion Lady Vols 'Pat Summitt's Marauding Army Of Monstrous Lesbians'
"ESPN broadcaster Trey Wingo said 'a slip of the tongue' was to blame for an incident"


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NCAA Tournament Intensifies As Florida Advances To Round Of One
"Anyone who knows their college hoops will tell you that the Round Of One is when the real tournament begins"


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Late Night Political Jokes
"According to U.S. News & World Report, plans are underway for a movie about the Clinton Whitewater scandal. ... They're trying to get Charlize Theron to play Susan McDougall. If that happens, Bill Clinton will play himself. ... And the part of Hillary? That's going to be played by Nathan Lane." --Jay Leno

"During a press conference today, President Bush was asked if he knew the current price of a gallon of gasoline. And Bush's answer was within a few pennies. He did well, which isn't surprising, because Bush spends most of the day watching the 'Price is Right.'" --Conan O'Brien


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Matsuzaka mania takes hold, even in Kansas City
Will he resort to the fabled, honorable ninja samurai ball, or stick with a mix of heaters and off-speed breaking pitches?

The ancient code of honor says that he must not call upon his supernatural powers except in the late innings of close post-season games.

There are those who say that if he uses his secret pitch without having to, he will release the dead from their rest, particularly former Mets first baseman Marv Throneberry.


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South Park S11 E05 Easter Special
"Stan wants to know the real reason kids have to decorate eggs for Easter, and what, if anything eggs and bunnies have to do with Jesus dying for his sins. To get to the bottom of it, Kyle and Stan get wrapped up in a bizarre society that guards a legendary secret."

It's basically a parody of The DaVinci code - brilliant and twisted and funny as only Matt and Trey can be.


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"An alleged Orson Welles 'masterpiece' called The Other Side of the Wind could finally reach theaters sometime in '08 ..."
"... according to legendary director and Sopranos costar Peter Bogdanovich. A deal to edit and complete Wells' final film 'is 99.9% finished,' Bogdanovich said"


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Did Sanjaya's singing make Tony Bennett sick?


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Will Mr. Peterman replace Bob Barker on The Price is Right?
Other current candidates inclide A.C. Slater and Zorro, the Gay Blade


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Pammie can still run on a beach in slow motion


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Uma Thurman in a revealing bikini
I saw the thumbnails and never clicked on them. I'd rather remember her as she looked in Baron Munchausen


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Film director Bob Clark (A Christmas Story) killed in crash
Kinda sad. He finally bought a Red Ryder Carbine-Action 200-shot Range Model Air Rifle, and accidentally shot his eyes out.

Actually sadder than that. Drunk driver swerved into his lane. The crash killed Clark and his son.

He is remembered not only for A Christmas Story, which reminds so many baby boomers of their own childhood Christmasses, but the original gross-out movie, Porky's, which I find to be the only coming-of-age story that actually resembles my own coming of age. That either tells you that Clark had a great eye for period detail, or that I had a very weird adolescence. Maybe both.

Sadly Clark could not retain the mojo that produced those two memorable films in 1982-1983. He made some very, very bad movies recently. In 2004 he made The Katate Dog and Baby Geniuses 2. I can't recall any other example of a director making two movies that bad in the same year. Baby Geniuses 2 was considered the worst movie of that year, and is rated seventh worst of all time at IMDB. Karate Dog is not much better.


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The Pirates are still on pace for their predicted 162-0 season
Or, to spin it another way, they can't possibly lose 160 now


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Bonds hits his 735th but the Giants lose to the Padres again


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'Talking' CCTV scolds offenders
"'Talking' CCTV cameras that tell off people dropping litter or committing anti-social behaviour are to be extended to 20 areas across England."


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Wireless Power Chargers About to Hit Market
"Cords and cables have been a reality for consumer devices since the advent of home electronics. That reality may be changing very soon, however, as a number of companies continue to make inroads into eliminating the wires that keep our gadgets tethered to a wall - and to one another"


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The Broncos Cheerleader open auditions attracted some unlikely candidates


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Coach Eddie Robinson passes away at 88
"Robinson never coached in the NFL, and instead spent 57 years building an unparalleled legacy at Grambling. But what an impact he made on the league, sending more than 200 ex-Tigers players into the NFL."


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Cut-and-Paste Is a Skill, Too - "The term paper is dead"
"I envision a time when TurnItIn.com's database contains millions of essays on Charlotte Bronte's 'Jane Eyre.' At that point educators may finally understand that no high school student will be able to write another original word on the subject."

"The most obvious choice for teachers and schools is to simply change the way they assess students. Schools could turn to in-class assignments as a more reliable way of evaluating what students know and how well they can express it."


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