Monday, April 09, 2007

A Uwe Boll comedy? A parody of the trade center attacks? Postal The Movie ("Secret UNRATED Trailer")


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Paris Hilton's cheeks - the lower ones


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"LEAVING LAS VEGAS star ELISABETH SHUE is in training to become a professional tennis player."


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Rent A Wife - Ottawa


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"Hollyweird Whacko Danny Glover For Mayor of San Francisco"
Actually, I believe Glover is a "wacko," not a "whacko." Pretty sure he's never had anyone whacked. The right really doesn't like this fella.


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Principal Sues Ex-Students Over Fake MySpace Profiles


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Top 10 Celebrity Butterfaces
"These aren't your girl next doors, but as celebrities, we'd like to think these women have to be held to a higher standard. So here are our top ten women that are super-hot from the neck-down but need some work upstairs."

Some of these make sense, but I don't know about all of them. April Scott's face looks mighty nice to me, and Lisa Rinna's face looks fantastic for 43.


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Itchy and Scratchy: Reservoir Cats
"Special guest director Quentin Tarantino. Classic Itchy and Scratchy cartoon from the Simpsons episode, Simpsoncalifragilisticexpiala-D'oh-cious."


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"5 Good Reasons Men Need Penis Skin Care "
"Enlargement and retraction ... The penis is designed to get erect and to retract to the flaccid state. This constant stretching of the skin can be taxing, and a good moisturizer, like RestoreMax from MensMax can help the skin heal, recover, and thrive much better."

When you put it that way it's a wonder that mankind managed to propagate the species without the help of new, improved, April-fresh RestoreMax

If you are speaking on Wednesday, you do not say "On Wednesday morning, I ..." Instead you say "This morning, I ..." Given that fact, do you still say April-fresh in April, or do you say now-fresh?


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Indians snowed out again
One complete series has been snowed out, so the next Tribe series has been moved to Milwaukee. (Milwaukee has a retractable roof.)


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Chad Vader, day shift manager, episode one


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MovieJuice looks at Grindhouse
"If there' anything the American attention span can't get enough of, it's an ode to a 35-year-old experience most moviegoers were too young to experience in the first place."

"Movie two, Death Proof, is from the hand and the pen of Quentin Tarantino, who has never met a conversation that doesn't include five too many pages. For the longest time, Death Proof is like a stage play with a car cameo. You can almost hear the audience's attention shift into reverse. Things do pick up near the end, however, when we learn there are consequences to hanging on the hood of a speeding car by a couple of belts. That's when Death Proof becomes a delirious revenge fantasy, the best fifteen minute movie ever to run ninety minutes.


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"Keira Knightley's feet are so ugly she reportedly had a foot double in her latest film."
"She appears topless as the wife of a 19th century silkworm smuggler in new movie 'Silk' - only to have her breasts belittled. A source revealed: 'Keira is nude in a couple of scenes, in one she leans over her husband with her gown gaping open and he remarks that her breasts are small and like a little girl's.'"


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You know all that weight Jenna Jameson lost? Charlotte Church found it.


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Former Strip Club Used As A Church
Sin and get instant forgiveness. How about this - Catholic confessional booths in a strip club. Talk about multi-tasking.


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Kiki likes the Ganga
Her best friend is Sasha Sagan, the daughter of the famous stoner/scientist.


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Halle Barry gets caught in a fib
She said that she did not tell Parade magazine she attempted suicide. Unfortunately, she either wasn't aware or forgot that the interview was on tape!


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Curt Schilling's blog
Schilling is not only one of the best pitchers of the past decade or so, but a real baseball nerd who loves analyzing the game as much as the most rabid fan or sportswriter. He's also completely well-read on the game's history. Among other things, he blogs his starts almost pitch-by-pitch. It's fun for the rest of us baseball nerds to have one of our own playing the real game instead of the APBA version.


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Hos Call For Imus Ouster


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RICHARD GERE FILM 'HOAX' DOES NOT EXIST
"Actor Richard Gere has pulled off one of the biggest film hoaxes in Hollywood history, revealing that a movie titled 'The Hoax' does not exist, except for the trailer. "I feel like I'm the Ashton Kutcher of my generation now by punking all these gullable moviegoers," said Gere.

Interestingly, it still got better reviews than Are We Done Yet?


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IRAN CAPTURES SEAN PENN; U.S. UNWILLING TO NEGOTIATE HIS RELEASE
"Sean was able to rescue thousands and thousands of people in the aftermath of Hurricane Katrina," said his publicist Eric Bright. "He decided to get on his boat to go to Iran and save those British crew members. He's just that kind of heroic man. Unfortunately, he was unaware that Iran had decided to let the sailors go just as he began his voyage in the Persian Gulf and crossed over into Iranian waters. We had no way of reaching him."


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Bill Gates and Warren Buffet pose with Hooters girls


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An ad for "Douche Up" - "A totally new way to clean your cooter!"


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Headline of the day: East Timor Votes for New President; Anal
And we can't even get gay marriage!

The other referendum on "oral" was voted down. Enough is enough


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What happens when you take one of the world's great virtuosos and have him deliver a free concert in a subway station?
The short answer: people mostly ignore him. There was Joshua Bell, wailing away with six heartbreakingly beautiful violin solos, and almost everybody kept walking by, eyes front. (With videos.)


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