Friday, April 13, 2007

Carlos Lee hits three dingers, including a salami
Oswalt pitched poorly (13 baserunners in five innings), but picked up a cheap win.


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America sings Ventura Highway (live 1974)


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Rick Nelson and Dean Martin sing My Rifle, My Pony And Me in Rio Bravo, with guest appearances by The Duke and Walter Brennan.


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Automatic Will Ferrell Movie Generator


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"Students who took part in sexual abstinence programs were just as likely to have sex as those who did not"
I imagine all that talking about sex gets them hot. Personally, I believe that sex should only be attempted by trained professionals.


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Old school baseball - Halladay pitches a ten inning complete game win


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Al-Qaeda calls for the "reconquest" of Spain, free flamenco lessons


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Barry Nelson, the very first actor to play James Bond (with an American accent no less!), has died


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"This brings the Cheneys' total charitable contributions during his Vice Presidency to $7,800,019."
Here's how I see it. Sure Cheney has done some evil things, but it's OK as long as he purchases these moral offsets. By doing this, he has managed to reduce the size of this evil footprint on our planet. It's my belief that rich people can do anything they want as long as they purchase the appropriate offsets.


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Wolfowitz's Girlfriend Says She's the Victim


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Another snag in Carlos Zambrano's contract negotiations
Things went well for four innings. Zambrano had a 5-0 lead. Then in the top of the fifth, he never got a batter out and Cincy had put a six spot on the board before relief arrived. Zambrano did go 2 or 2 with a homer, raising his batting average to .429, so maybe he can get a big AL contract as a DH.


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Bonds rips two


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ROTTEN TOMATOES: Opening Movies. Friday update.
It appears that only one of the six new movies is any good. The Bruce Willis Movie is below 20%, as is the Viking movie and the Ray Liotta movie. Redline has no good reviews at all.

That leaves only the stoner flick and the Shia LeBeouf thriller. Shia's film scores 66%, and seems pretty solid across the full spectrum of critics. The stoner film is at 49%, but critics are sharply polarized. My take on the Aqua Teen reviews is that you'll get a big kick out of it if you're baked out of your skull. Otherwise ... not so much.


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"Keira Knightley and Lindsay Lohan are said to be cast in an upcoming film where the pair will engage in group sex with Matt Rhys"
"The film, called Best Time Of Our Lives, about Welsh poet Dylan Thomas, will see Lohan portray Thomas's wife Caitlin MacNamara, while Knightley will star as the poet's childhood friend, Vera Phillips. And lead actor Matthew Rhys has tantalized male fans by hinting at a 'menage a trois' involving the two beauties. He says, 'There will be a bit of a menage a trois scene going on. I hope I'm up for it!'"


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Courtney Love offers a lucid, literate response to the critics who said her new body comes from surgery
Just kidding. It's a stream-of-consciousness meander in a language which may or may not be English. (She posts on the blog as "court")


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Alleged Washington prostitution ring madam names her first name
The accused "john" said that he would not dignify the accusation with a response, which is weasel-speak for "of course it's true." (If it were false he would be more than happy to dignify the response with a denial and a lawsuit.)


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Larry King makes fun of Alzheimer's victims
... but, I need to stress, he only ridiculed white, male, straight-haired Alzheimer's victims.

King did a parody of "Larry King with Alzheimer's," in which his first question was "Is it day or night?"

Some Alzheimer's victims did issue immediate protests, but they're not real strong on follow-up.


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Christina Ricci joins the Speed Racer Cast
In a related post:


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Urgo's 2007 list of internet April Fools' Day Jokes
And, as always, it's fully Urgo-nomic.


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Headline of the day: "GM puts brakes on new rear-wheel drive vehicles"
I predict they'll never sell as well as the old brakeless ones.


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Morning DJ makes "I'm a nappy-headed ho" the "phrase that pays"
... although it didn't pay for him. In fact it made his pay end rather abruptly


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Late Night Political Jokes Round-Up
"The White House says it wants to appoint a high-powered official to oversee the wars in Iraq and Afghanistan, and issue directions to the Pentagon and the State Department. This person would be called 'the President of the United States.'" - Conan O'Brien

"Just days after her controversial trip to Syria, House Speaker Nancy Pelosi announced she's considering taking another controversial trip - this time to Iran. Even worse, when Pelosi gets back, she's going fishing with Don Imus." - Conan O'Brien


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Conan O'Brien's Harvard Class Day Speech, 2000
The link above leads to the transcript. If you prefer the video, it is here.


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URL says it all: ImSorryAlSharpton.com


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Nicole Brown Simpson's Estate Wants Half of Money Raised at Auction of O.J. Book
Fortunately, I'm not one of those guys who hates to say I told you so.


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Glavine beats Moyer
Manny Mota delivers key pinch hit. Oh, wait, this wasn't an old-timer's game. My bad.


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Gary Sheffield's Wife Admits She Had Sex With RKelly
Feds Seize Videotape Of Encounter, Dammit.


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Skeletor Spice is trying to increase her appetite
She is currently a size zero.

I'm not up on fashion. What happens if you are a size zero and get smaller? Do they have sizes in the minuses, does it go down to fractions, or do you just have to wear baggy clothing?


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Carson Daly jumps on the Sanjaya bandwagon
... because he strongly supports the right of the untalented to overachieve in the national media spotlight. Soon to follow: Ben Affleck, David Spade, Kevin Federline ...


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Lindsay Lohan Says She's Not Dating Kevin Federline
.. despite a wild afternoon of ... um ... cocktails.

K-Fed may take a lot of abuse from media and comics, but he certainly manages to score some impressive trim. Living well is the best revenge. Except, of course, for TP'ing a house


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An Indiana official publicly apologized for the state's role 100 years ago in pioneering state-authorized sterilization of "imbeciles"
The practice was not ended until 1974, when Dan Quayle had his first child.

I didn't make that up. The practice of sterilizing "imbeciles" from Indiana was discontinued in 1974. Dan Quayle had his first child that year. Probably just a coincidence.


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PRAVDA's take: American radio icon Don Imus disgraced, fired after threat to reveal 9/11 secrets
And it is required by Russian law to be accurate, because Pravda means truth.


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Principal, Teacher Sex DVD Mailed To Parents


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The Imus Fallout: So ... Who Can Say What, Exactly?


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How did a strawberry picker earning $15,000 a year qualify for a home loan of $720,000?


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Niki Bellucci, the topless DJ


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"Singer, dancer and one-time Playboy magazine model Willa Ford will star as the late Playboy Playmate Anna Nicole Smith"
"... in a biographical film about the billionaire's widow that starts shooting next week." Is this a different movie, or has Courtney Love already been fired?


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Britney Quits Music
I wasn't aware that one could support oneself through drinking and erratic behavior. Maybe she has another career planned. I hear that Dr. Hawking may have some openings on his team at Cambridge.


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The Top 20 Best Porn Star Names
From Flick Shagwell to Wendy Whoppers


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Strange maps
An obscure blog, to be sure, but a nicely written one and a treasure-trove of trivia for those who love such things.


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The trailer and official site for Ninja Cheerleaders


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